I am a step-mom and I love my step-kids but...?

first of all let me say at least they have a woman in their life that give a darn about them.

second as i found out in a recent event with a friends son take pics document everything and keep on children services, call them daily if you have to but get them kids out of that house. even if their placed in foster homes that will make it that much easier for you and your husband to get custody. as cruel as it sounds now is the time to play hard ball. dig up what ever you can to use against her. when it comes to kids IMO you can't play dirty enough to keep them safe.

as for getting the kids to trust you that's not going to be easy. aside from spending as much time with them as you can which im sure you already doing take them to the park. with them being smaller their love playing but also its the little things like trusting you to catch them at the bottom of the slide that will work of trust. make little promises and be sure to keep them to the T. a lot of little things will ring true and add up in the end. Good luck and i hope everything works out for you guys and soon!

Hi there. How lucky your new children have someone to care so deeply about them...what a fantastic family you must have with the four little ones!

My stepson was just past his third birthday when I first met him. His mother used to tell him he was not allowed to talk to me, for fear that he would share with us how he was being treated at home. He too would not speak to counsellors, but it was because he had been instructed not to by his mother. It has taken until the past two years (he is now ten) for my sweet little guy to break through that fear barrier completely.

From my own experiences my advice to you would be to be very, very patient. Accept whatever the childen give you in the way of acknowledgement as a gift, and value it. They are giving you all that they can - if you show them you understand that, they will appreciate knowing that they are important to you. Ensure that proper hygiene is modeled and followed at your home, and once the children are old enough, teach them what they need to know to follow through no matter where they are. Do the same with nutrition. (My stepson was over last week and was bragging to me about the balanced lunches he makes himself)

As long as you consistently let them know that they are important to you, you care about them, and love them, the loving trust will grow like a sapling; very tiny at first, but always growing until you have a strong, mighty tree. Storm may come and change the look of the tree by tearing off branches, lending character and making the tree as individual as your family is; seasons may make the tree look different with and without its lovely leaves, but the tree remains, gaining wisdom, strength and beauty with each year.

Be patient through the sapling years. Nurture, love and understand that everybody is doing the best they know how, and you will all learn together.

You need to hire a private invesigator to get the proof you need to get the kids. The P.I. will usually take some money down and payments. He or she can watch her and if they have any evidence that she is unfit they will give that to you and you file it with the court. Once a father gets the kids its hard as hell for the mother to ever get them back. Having the children trust you will take lots of time, patience and understanding.

Tough position to be in. Do they trust their dad? Can they do family counseling together, just to make them feel comfortable? Give them time...they will -just by observation- see that they can trust you. Good luck with the sole custody.