My fiancee is at it again.?

That is probably because this is her dream wedding and thus has been dreaming about all the details since she knew what a wedding is. She wants everything perfect for her. Tell her that you are a party too in this wedding and that it can't all be what she wants. Most grooms won't have anything to do with the wedding preparations and maybe she doesn't realize that you want to take an active role in the decision that goes to your wedding. Talk to her and make her understand. I'm sure she will compromise then. good luck!

I like this compromise for the oxtails. There's nothing unclassy about sweetened cabbage (though I would prefer a raw salad recipe opposed to cooked cabbage. The other are right about the smell) and white rice. I'm half-Persian, and will definately be having a rice dish at my wedding. I can see where the smothered turkey wings might be as messy as the oxtails. Is there any recipe to cut down on the mess? Maybe a pre-marinate instead of smothering them?

Ask her why she isn't compromising. It's your day as much as it is hers, and seems she is grasping onto a dream wedding without any room for your input. This wedding is about the both of you, not her.

Sit her down, have a nice dinner or dessert with her at home and ask her what she envisions overall. Then tell her what you would have done in her place if you could plan this on your own. Then explain this isn't how it works. Tell her lovingly that planning a wedding together is a first step towards planning your future together. If compromise continues to fail then, how happy are you and her going to be? There will be times for her to win outright and vice versa in future, but the wedding needs both of you.

I hope she'll listen. It sounds like you love her very much, especially since you're making all the movements towards working with her. But she has to meet you, whether at halfway or little more. Consultate a chef or family cook about the food positions. Who is catering the reception? Get an opinion to back yours, and maybe she'll be more willing to listen (if she's mostly worrying what others will think).

OK, I've read your questions about this issue, and I've read the responses. Here's my take (for what it's worth).

The food you're suggesting has several things in common, it's messy, and has distinctive, strong smells. While I think both you and your bride should have a say so in the food for the reception, I do think you should stay away from things that are overly messy to eat, and that have strong odors. For a wedding reception, I would honestly play it safe, that way everyone will eat the food you PAY for. I would think there would be nothing worse than having a reception and people not eating the food. I don't know how formal your reception is either, but the more formal it is, the less your food choices fit. I'm sorry, but I'm going to agree with your fiance on the food. You need to find out what her concern is about the food you're wanting, and see what her vision is for the wedding day.

The bigger concern I have is that you guys can't agree on a simple matter such as a menu. I don't see where you've compromised at all, you substituted one messy food with another messy food. A compromise would be "ok, we won't have any food that would be considered messy/not classy/etc. at the reception, but I'd like to have it for the rehearsal dinner." I don't know if her issue is the messy factor or not, but you need to find out what she's thinking, and I don't get from you that you understand where she's coming from on this issue. Communication is key in any marriage, and it seems to me after reading your side of the story that you guys aren't doing a whole lot of it. You're accusing her of not compromising, something tells me she's doing the same. If you can't come to some kind of agreement on the menu, you are in for some rough sailing with your marriage, because I promise you, that's probably one of the easiest decisions you'll have to make in a marriage.

There's also an excellent book that you both probably should read, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray. EXCELLENT book, it explains the differences in how men and women communicate, and how to make those differences work for you in your relationship with each other. I would highly suggest you get this book, and BOTH of you read it.

Please remember also, BOTH OF YOU, that a wedding is part of one day in your life, hopefully your marriage will last a lifetime. At the very least, you will be married longer than 1 day. It takes hard work, compromise and communication from BOTH husband and wife to make a marriage work. And let me tell you, it's work. I wish you both the best of luck, and hope you have a wonderful marriage.

I love cooking, and like most recipes, but I would not put on cabbage for a wedding (although it is great in many recipes). The reason is that the smell is not as good as the taste and it will ruin the atmosphere.

Maybe she does not realise that this is an important issue for you, under these circumstances she is not being inconsiderate, as the subject matter for most people is trivial.

Surely it would be easy to find a friend who is a good chef, sit down one afternoon and organize a menu between the three of you....is it that difficult??? Give and take and compromise are easy if all the alternatives are on display, with a lack of choice it is not difficult to appear to be stubborn.

Hey Neil,

Yep, I agree. It is time for you to really try to look into the future. You, compromising, she getting her way. It it like this with evrything? Does she ever respect your point of view? If the answer is seldom to never, find yourself a good ol girl who likes oxtails and smother turkey wings. And is willing to give and take. Marriage is a big step. Lots of effort on both side to make it work. Don't do it if there is not co-operation.

Good luck.

Well I think that women can be hard to deal with, and I am one. But think of her feelings. Women get very excited about weddings.They want them to be perfect. But I have to say it's just food, why can't there be what you want and what she wants? Then you are both happy. I do agree you should compromise. A wedding is a big thing and you should both be happy about it. If you can never agree how can you be married?

First, if you can't deal with little things like this before you get married, you will NEVER be able to handle big problems.

Second, airing your relationship problems with ANYONE is a big mistake.

If your relationship is already this messed up, then you would be better off canceling any marriage plans and continue dating for another year or so, and see if you both can grow up and develop an adult relationship. Otherwise, you will be divorced and any children will be scared for life.

Unless you're absolutely certain that the vast majority of the guests attending your reception will be tolerant of your food choices (as outlined above), then I would tend to agree with your fiance and say that you should have more main-stream "wedding" fare.

While the foods you picked out are fine for a party or whatever, they are not typically "acceptable" for weddings. Your fiance is right....they're not "classy" in the sense that you don't typically serve down-home "comfort foods" for your reception.

Sorry, but there it is......thumbs-down away.

yum your menu sounds awesome. is she really being inconsiderate in general, or does she just not want stinky cabbage and messy wings at the wedding? my mom works with brides to be, and she says that they are usually a frantic mess. is this really her, or is she just freaking cause she feels she needs to live up to some perfect idea of a wedding.

maybe you guys can find a fair way to settle, instead of one giving in to the other

make a list of pros and cons together about the food options

or play rock paper scissors.

but what to eat at your wedding shouldnt destroy your marriage!

Your Fiance needs to consider Your feelings also, and serve some things that you would like to have. The answers here are correct when they say, your Fiance has been looking forward to this day her whole Life, try to compromise with her on it. If she will not budge even a tiny bit, you have to realize this is How you Life will be with her..