I am happily married and out of the blue, my first husband whom I divorced 16 years ago, wants me back...?

The past is called the past for a good reason -- that's where it belongs.

You have made a commitment to a great guy who has been wonderful to you. You say you truly love him -- now honor him, too.

Wish your ex all the best and send him off into whatever his future holds in store.

Let's see, the option is, break the heart of a current husband that you made everlasting vows to, is wonderful in every way, and is trying to make you happy, and who you are married to, because you can't get over something from 16 years ago, OR run back to someone you left once already in spite of the fact that you loved him, simply because he was 'unmotivated' ? and 'Immature'? Immature how? I'm not sure you can see the irony here but that statement just blows my mind.

And number 1 was everything to you, but you ditched him like a hot rock for the bigger better deal that you didn't even stay with, and in spite of the fact that you were already in love with someone else you started a relationship and married another guy?

I know I'm not going to get 10 points for this answer, but your question is the reason I am still a single man in my 40's.

You need to get your head on straight. If it were me, I would go the path of doing the least amount of further damage, which is to stay with the current husband.

You also need some serious counseling. I am sorry to be mean. I'm sure you are anguishing over this, but your path towards what you think you want is hurting people left and right. It's time to make a commitment and put the past in the past.

good luck.

If I were you I would drop the idea of being in love with your old husband. You dropped him for good reasons and you have a very good husband now. But you do have to be honest with your new husband and have a talk with him about this and tell him you adore him and love him and stay with him. You said the other was immature and unmotivated. He will never change. So do not risk it. And it will hurt your new husband if you continue to lie to him about this or even try it. Go for the good stuff you have it in your new husband and stay with him and tell him the truth and he may be hurt if you don't. So tell the truth and expect whatever happens. You would loose badly if you went after the old husband. You should stay with the winner. Number two and tell him about this and do it soon. I wish you luck. And ask the Lord to help you as you need it.

Love the one your with. You must of forgot why you left your ex husband in the first place. You need to understand he is an ex for a reason. You also need to understand 16 years have gone by and he is a totally different man. You might be thinking of all the good memories you shared with him but just leave it at that. If your husband now is good to you then I suggest you stay in the marriage you are in.

It's quite obvious the one your married to now. You left the other one for whatever reasons and your new husband hasn't given you any reason and you love him. Stay with the one your with and forget the past. But you should defiantly not go behind your now Husband's back he dosen't deserve to be disrespected. I know it's hard but you must be honest with him and cut the ex out for good. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot. He deserves respect, don't mess it up. (unless you really love your ex more and are willing to take the chance and live with the consequences)

Girl, which one? HUMmmm now are you married or not? Which one are you committed to? Which one are you obligated to. You cannot be married to two. So I strongly suggest, you cut off your talks and get back to your husband and get your first husband out of you mind. If you break up the good thing you have and it don't work out for you with your x who you left in the first place for good reasons perhaps, do you think people change. Hummm ya maybe he is even worse with more baggage now. Why do you think he is alone now for. You are living in a fantasy daydream now girl so get out of it and get back to business. You never cheat on someone and you never start a relationship with someone , no matter who he is without ending the one you have first. I think if you leave your good marriage where you are happy, you will only be happy with the x husband temporarily.

Stop and think what you are doing. Your life may take a turn for the worse and how sad you will be?!!!!And who made it that way because she wanted?

Rev. TomCat

well i think it is really wrong of you to be in contact with your ex knowing how the two of you feel about each other . if he loves you he would leave you alone to be happy with your new husband and why has he waited so long to tell you this ?

you say you love your current husband ha i find that hard to believe, if you did you would have told him you had been in contact with your ex .

if your new husband is so good to you he would understand ,but as for you being so confused i believe what happens in the past should stay in the past and any way what makes you think it would work this time.

You love "both," you have been with your current husband 3 years, you have not been around your EX 16 years. Ask YOURSELF, what took your "ex" so long to "see the light" about loving you and wanting you back? 16 years makes for alot of space "unknown" in what you are "rationalizing" as reasons to question going back to someone whom you saw as unworthy at one time to be married to. Whatever those reasons WERE I can assure you WILL come back if you decide to dump your present husband. Then all you will have left is your MISTAKE. "Forget" what used to be and live up to the fact you aren't any younger and neither is your "ex." AGE changes "everyone" and believe me bouncing around looking for greener pastures is going to land you in the field of "dreams" all by your lonly self unless you learn to stay "PUT" in a relationship...................Heed the advice (worked in psychiatry)

there's a reason why you left your first husband, let the past sleep or better yet, die...even if he has grown up since.

keep the good man that you are with, cherish him and he will make you happy for the rest of your life...good men are hard to find these days and age...stop looking back...let the love you have for your ex be something wonderful as in a wonderful past, not a current affair...don't tarnish that memory.

Don't be stupid. You and your ex got a divorce for a reason.

Your with a man you love and who loves you. Don't screw with it.

tell your ex in no uncertain terms, no, and to not contact you again unless it is something about the kids you may have had together.

the past should be a rudder to steer the boat, not an anchor to keep from moving forward.