I asked a question about moving in now I have one about moving out.?

Question

If I moved in with a woman because I found that I was in love but the only problem is how her 11 year old feels about it. See I have no kids and I have went and gotten rings for marriage and we have set a date but I am starting to see some really bad things ahead with her son not ever respecting me as a stepfather and I see some real issues with his adopted father. It is causing us alot of stress and I just want to know what is the best way to get out of this without hurting her to much or her son. I have mixed feelings on leaving her and I feel like she has a right to have a man in her life. He is an only child though so what he says has always gone. I am normally a really stong person and know what I need to do but I admit that this has me stumped and weak.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

sit down and talk to her. Maybe her son has seen a lot of guys come and go, so that might be why he is so hostel, talk to her, then sit down and have a family talk.

kathyw · Answer

Think very hard about how important it is for you to be with or without this woman. You say you are in love and you promptly moved in with her without the benefit of marriage. If I am understanding you correctly, this is what you did. 
 There is no way this was going to go smoothly when there is a child or children involved. 
  Now you are going to bail - that's not hard to understand. 
  Just tell her. Straight out. Say that you can't marry her because you think her son is her priority and should remain her priority. Tell her you will be interested to see where he is and where she is in 10 years but in the meantime, you don't want the stress. 
  You don't have children yourself - are you ever planning to have any? If not, then don't worry. You won't have to be the man in this kid's life. But if you are planning to have kids someday, I can't help but think you just don't like this particular kid. He may be a handful for you. Here's news, though: even the kids that you have yourself will be a handful. It's something you have to get used to.
  A thornier issue is the child's father. Well, that is also something that can scare a potential husband off. Your girlfriend is going to be dealing with him forever - are you sure you don't want to be there and be her moral support?
  It all comes down to how much responsibility you are willing to assume and whether, even if you are somewhat passive guy, you are williing to step up to the plate when needed. 
   Only you know the answer.

Jae · Answer

I'd say, say what you just did, be honest and tell her the truth, the sooner the better, but you seem like you might already know this, so get it over with, the longer the more hurtful.

greendayfanatic911 · Answer

just talk to him
when my stepdad moved in i hated him
but i grew to hate him and love him (i cant believe i just said i loved him..eww)
anyways take him to a place where he'll have fun
like a place with hot girls
then talk to him about stuff he wants to talk about

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I asked a question about moving in now I have one about moving out.?

4 Answers