Am I being selfish or is he?

Wow! You are in a REALLY bad relationship and I sincerely hope you reconsider marrying this guy! He's controlling, manipulative and in general just an unpleasant sort of person!

Regardless of what happened in YOUR past, it's not his place to judge your family. If YOU have forgiven your family for whatever they've done, then he must accept your decisions.

His inability to discuss problems with his family is very unfair. Like it or not, you two MUST learn to communicate or else. If he's got something going on with his family or at work or with friends and won't discuss it with you, he's more likely to take it out on you in the form of abusive behavior.

And he should definitely be able to commingle with your friends AND you with his friends. There is no reason he's sequestering you and compartmentalizing his life except to keep you away from anyone who might be a "friend" to you in the future.

This is the first classic sign of an abuser, and I really urge you to take a second look at the rest of your lifestyle with this guy before you commit to marriage.

I kinda agree with you. We're all naturally selfish, so might as well accept that. I want what I want, and unless I do something about it, nobody's gonna do it for me. It's my life, I take charge, and I put my own interests first. However, I don't agree that we don't need others to be happy. Life actually feels kinda empty when you're alone. Naturally, even to get what we want we would need the help of others every now and then, so that kinda means that we're meant to be there for others too. Together, not only can we accomplish so much more, but whatever we accomplish becomes even sweeter and more meaningful. Although that means that sometimes we will sacrifice or delay our own desires in order to help others. As much as I have guts to admit that I am selfish and so are everybody else, I also have the guts to say that I am who I am now because many others have inconvenienced themselves to help me. And that is just fine too. In the end, life isn't always about getting what you want, but about the responsibility to earn whatever you need and then some to share with others. None of us are what we are today unless others have shared with us in some way. When you take care of yourself, people will respect you. When you are respected, others will follow you, but you will have to take care of them a little bit to some extent. Sometimes, being the bigger person to set aside your own agenda and lend them a hand may seem like a short term loss, but bring long term happiness and good luck in the long run. Sometimes we want what we want not because it will make us happy, but because it shows us what we value in life.

Boy do you have a problem, what do you two agree on? You cant go see your family, cant go out with his friends and you have no communication. Why do you want to get married to this person. And don't say because I love him. Marriage is hard work and communication is the first most important thing. If he doesn't want to communicate about his familyy, and is not interested in how you solved your famil;y problems what kind of future do the two of you have? I think the two of you need to find out if you really are compatible enough to spend a life time to together. Good luck.

Sorry but it doesn't sound like your relationship is going to last & if it does it won't be very fulfilling. Your family is a part of you & if he refuse's to be around them that's going to put a constant strain on your relationship with him and them. He plans on marring you but says that his family issue's arn't your concern cause their not your family. The two of you getting married means the joining of your two families, does he not know that? It's good for spouses to get out and do their own thing once in awhile but they should have some mutual too. I'd say that he is deffinatly the one being selfish.

Sounds like you need to rethink the fiance title. If he is like this already, then no telling how he is going to get after being married a few years. Being married means compromise and doing things for each other just because the other one wants to. He is being selfish. It is not wrong of you to want him to attend family functions with you.

Sounds like you 2 have no business getting married. A marriage is 24/7, 365, and means being invloved in practically every aspect of your partners lives . . it means being a part of their family also. I could never imagine even being interested in some one who didn't want to be around my family. That's Crazy!! It sounds like he just wants some one to come home too . . is that all you want to be for the rest of your life?

Honey....get out of the relationship! I know you think you are in love, but believe me there is someone better out there!

I was in the same kind of relationship once. Once I left him, I met the man of dreams and he accompanies me to family gatherings and goes out with my friends too! I also go out with him and his friends, sometimes I'm the only girl even!

Some of the best times are when I'm the DD and he gets wild and crazy with his friends, it's a blast to see him having a good time and he loves having me there. Not just because I'm DD, but because I'm so comfortable around his friends.

Do yourself a favor and re-think getting married!

You are going to have a very difficult life with him. I'm betting you will end up feeling isolated and alone. Since you can't change him your option is to accept that this is the way your life with him will be or you will move on and find someone you are compatible with.

i think he's not considering the way you feel about things. i guess you should discuss this with him. you're getting married and marriage won't work out if there's no real communication, trust, and if u just leave things that way then you'll face much bigger problems when you're married. He needs to think about the way you feel. and u need to let him know that.

sounds like he's hiding somthing,maybe you should try counciling.if he's shutting you out now,he'll shut you out when your married.I see marrige as a life time commitment,so ask yourself if you can live like that the rest of your life.if not suggest couciling,if he refuses then he does'nt care anyway.