What is it like?

well im the same age as you are and my husband is the same age has your husband and we have a 5 and a 2 year old and u know what they are great. It is fun and yes at times trying but they are fun to have around and if you do not need to be scared for one thing U just made the first step in NOT repeating the cycle bc you realized that you may have a problem but you know what U can break it by not doing what the abuser did to you. You know how it feels so when or if you get mad Just step away from the situation and go calm down then come back and talk to your children about what he she did. If you do realize that you maybe having some trouble there are programs to help you find a different way to displaine your children DO NOT LET THE ABUSER TAKE THIS AWAY FROM YOU THEY ALREADY TOOK SO MUCH AWAY ALEADY DONT LET THEM TAKE THIS AWAY OF YOU HAVING CHILDREN. the pros is you will love them and they are joyus to have around they are a person and you are raising them and they will grow up and you made that person they are fun to have around they are cute. There are plenty of pros and the pros out way the cons. TRUST ME. cons sometimes you get stressed bc they done somthing bad but two seconds later its over and you forgive and forget what they done. LOOK :You should not have to be scared you know what the signs are and you can stop them in their tracks only you can stop the cycle and not having children that should be the very last last last last last last thought of away to stop it. I would talk to your husband about it. You can always go to partenting classes if you need to to make sure that you are doing things right and talk to other moms dads.

Raising a baby is not easy but the baby will bring so many joys to you and you will bring many joys to your baby.

the only thing i can say about the abuse you recieved is that is soo soo sad but you can stop it. It might not be easy but that will be one thing that abuser did not take away from you is your power to stop what they had done to you and not to do it again. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO STOP THE ABUSE FROM EVER HAPPING AGAIN JUST REMEBER THAT and it does not have to be not having a baby you can have a baby bc you know the signs and you can stop yourself and your husband will support you and help you if he needs to but i think you will love your baby sooo much that you will not have to worry. But there are programs out there that will help you. if you talk to you doctor about what happen and tell him that you are concerned that you might repeat and you want to make sure that you do not they will help you im sure. Or talk to some one that you are very close too they maybe able to help.

I HOPE I HELP YA SOME.

GOOD LUCK.

if you ever want to talk im here

knowssignlanguage@yahoo.com

Cons:

-Children at all ages will stress you to the point that you never thought you could get to. It's very difficult adjusting to a newborn baby, when the world is telling you how wonderful that period is, and yet you are living without sleep, dealing with a crying baby, etc.

-The stress that children (babies and children) bring will challenge your relationship with your husband. Nomatter how well planned you are, there will be times that you and he will disagree about some parenting issue.

-Finances can be a challenge. If you choose to stay at home, there's one less income. Even if you choose to return to work, you will still have the cost of daycare. This means that you absolutely have to change your spending lifestyle.

Pros:

-I really can't put into writing the amazing feeling a parent gets when being held by a child. It doesn't matter what age, but when that child hugs you back, you feel like.. well.. you are inside love.

-Just the thrills of watching your child growing and developing. It's satisfying, it's empowering, and it's wonderful.

-Being able to shape your children to be good people and seeing them turn out as good people is again, wonderful!

I absolutely refuse to say "you should have a child!" because it's such a big, important and personal decision that only you can make this choice. However, I would recommend that you and your husband seek counseling first. If you have abuse issues from your past, you want to deal with it for yourself, and you want your husband to be there and work through it with you. I would also think that parenting classes couldn't hurt. This way if you and your husband decide to have children, then you and he are as prepared as you can be.

Good luck with your decision, nomatter what it is!!

PS I put the cons first, because I feel the pros FAR outweigh the cons! :-)

Having a baby is wonderful & it brings so much joy to your life. But I would say if your logic to having a kid is just "Why not? We're not doing anything else anyway?" Then its not the best idea. A baby is a for life. A never ending job, and you hold some else's future in your hands. If its not something that you are both wanting, for the right reasons, then I would think twice. You and your husband should sit down and talk about the pros and cons that you each feel come along with having a baby. not just what everyone else tells you. Good luck.

I can understand your concern but if that is the only reason from preventing you from considering parenthood, you need to look inside yourself and how you treat other people. It seems that you care enough to be scared of making the same mistakes your parents made...that's a start. I was also abused and I made a very conscious effort to be sure not to raise my children that way. It wasn't easy and there are times I lost my temper, but I was never abusive. Every victim is different in how there childhood effects their actions in adulthood. You seem like you could be strong enough to overcome it and do better by your child...but then again, I don't really know you. Look deep inside and I'm sure you'll make the decision that is right for you.

if the only reason to not be a parent is because you don't want to repeat the cycle of abuse, then I think you should have the child. The fact that you are so scared about it and conscious of it means that you will be a good parent. Just because you were abused doesn't automatically mean you will do the same to your children. You will be more aware of anything like that, so you will be a good parent. Parenting is the most wonderful gift. It has its ups and downs but definitely rewarding and challenging and worthwhile.

I got pregnant at 20 without being married without being established and having money. I will tell you from my personal experience that it is hard being pregnant, it is hard after the baby is born. But once you get into a sleep pattern and you have a system and as long as dad helps you out it's sort of fun. I never wanted to have kids and i don't want anymore kids. I'm happy with just one. I'm a single mom and sometimes i want to rip my out when he try's to bite me at the store because he wants to ride in the car/cart not just the cart. He's 2 1/2 by the way. It is hard. But if your not ready i wouldn't start having kids. It's important for your husband to understand that your the one who's going to have to carry the child, take care of child while he is at work. Almost always dads will tell you there job is harder than raising a kid. So they don't feel they should have to help a whole lot when they get off work. Me, and my 2 best friends were all pregnant at the same time. So it was different for each us. To let you know one of my friends was abused and mollested as a child. She's working on her 2 child and is due may 26 and she is one of the best moms ever. If you feel scared that your going to be abusive you shouldn't have kids or maybe take some pre-parenting classes with all that free time. But don't rush it if your not ready. I can't stress it enough. Because having a baby when your not ready is like being at hawaii when one of the volcano's explode. So make sure your prepared and 100% ready. Remember there's lots of dirty diapers, sleepness nights, headaches from lack of sleep, when your boobs get engorged it hurts bad, temper tantrums in everywhere you go, then there a teenager and it only gets worse. But i love my son sooo much and when he cries he cries for me, when he wakes up he calls for me, he'll put his face right in mine and tell me " i love you more whole bunch". So there are some hurtles but there's straight aways in between.

well first of all, don't let your husband pressure you into having a baby. it's your body and your life, and if you really don't want to have one, don't do it for him. give yourself a couple years to really decide and prepare.

having a baby is scary. especially at a young age. 24 to me is ideal, but still relatively young. i only have an 8 month old but i can tell you it is a challenge. and at the same time, i wouldn't trade my baby for the world. everything changes.

the pros are that you have this little person that loves you unconditionally. it may not seem like it when they are first born, but once they get around 4 months, and develop a personality, it is awesome. you just wait all day for them to smile, and then laugh.. and you watch them grow so quickly. but the bond you have with your child becomes stronger and stronger.

i would have to say the cons are that you can no longer just do what you want to do, when you want to do it. you are totally responsible for someone else's life, so you can't just 'get up and go' anymore. you can't really sleep in either... its just different. and it is hard. but its worth it.

but if i were you, i would seriously think HARD and ask yourself if you are really ready. because although the idea of a baby might seem nice, you have to remember, it is forever. and you cant give up or quit when you're a mom. i think thats the hardest part.

If you and your husband have a strong relationship and truely love one another, talk about it. There is no need to rush yourself if you have doubts. I can tell you that if you are aware of the possibility of abuse you are probably less likely to repeat the cycle. Seek counseling if you think that will help you make this decision. The most important thing is that you and you husband are honest with eachother and yourselves. Having a child can be the absolute most wonderful experience yyou can ever have. You will be amazed the capacity you have to love your own child. I think you will find that with your own child you will fiercely protective and nurturing and insistant about protecting your child from the kind of experiences you suffered as a child. Good luck to you both.

Being a parent is an amazing thing. It's a big responsibility though. A lot comes with it. But if you're scared to repeat the cycle of abuse...maybe you should talk to a therapist before you and your husband have a child. I'm sure you're fine, but it won't hurt to talk to someone!

Hun, don't even think like that! I was also abused as a child..my father was an abusive alcoholic and drug addict....I am 5 months pregnant and already know I will never harm my child! If you know u are not that type of person....don't treat yourself like that. If deep down you want a child...do not punish yourself for what someone else did to you. Having a child is such a blessing!

If you are really scared of repeating the cycle...go to couseling first....see if you can reassure yourself on your decision.

I am 21 & pregnant w/ my first child. I already love my unborn w/ all my heart and know I would never do anything to hurt my child. I know what type of person I am & I know I am not like my father.

Don't be so hard on yourself....like I said try counseling....I'm sure you'll find that you are not like that other person.... =]

Good luck!