What's the 'secret' to a happy marriage?

Hi Pamela.

There are many great answers given to you already but let me add one that, with all the others, will give you a big advantage in keeping your marriage strong and happy.

I am a retired Pastoral Counselor. My wife and I use "The 100% Solution to Marriage Bliss". I wrote an article about it on my blog at http://on-line-tribune-marriage.blogspot.com/2006/...

Please browse the blog for other helpful free tips from my Guest experts.

Jim

I come from a family where there has not been 1 successful marriage. I mean it. Not ONE. So, when I got married, you better believe I thought long and hard about it. Everyone told us we were crazy and that we were too young (both 21, we are 24 now and been married 3 years).

I know it seems like jumping the gun to say we are in a successful relationship, but I honestly think we are going to make it. People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes little things build up. If I could give one piece of advice it would be NEVER go to bed angry. What ever it is, fix it so there can be snuggling before bed. It's you two against the world, not against each other.

My poor husband is very afraid I might divorce him some day (he's Catholic raised and I'm pretty sure he'd never divorce me), so I have to keep reminding him, "I'm not going o divorce you, I swear, as long as you don't break the 3 rules". And, then I make him repeat them back to me.

1. No cheating.

2. No hitting, because frankly if you hit me I'm going to hit you back even harder and then you'll look like a complete tool for getting your a** kicked by a girl... then I'm going to leave you.

3. Nothing goes up my butt ever.

He obeys the rules, we work out all the little stuff, and go to bed happy.

My husband and I have been together almost 6 years married for 3. We never fight about money because we keep our money seperate.Borrowing is allowed but it gets paid back.

Make loving God and each other top priorities. Let the other know what you feel. If you don't think that things are good let them know ( they may not even realize that you are unhappy). Don't go to bed angry but do give yourselves time to let things sink in. Remember that you each entered into this marriage with the intention of doing everything you possibly could to make it work and the intention of loving this person for the rest of your life. When things get bad think about your happy times together ( your first date, your wedding day, a time that you laughed until you cried). Thinking of those things and how your life would be without those things makes the fight over trash, a bounced check,etc. seem not so bad.

Almost 37 yrs. here, and it's no "secret."

Here's what we recommend:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

This information may help answer the question:

Years of research have shown that most long-term marriages have some very common factors and that the failure of any two or more of this factors in high probability will cause an end to the marriage. (Long term –is defined as a marriage of more than 20 years)

1. Both parties married at age 25 or older.

2. Religious compatible (example: Jews + Hindu just do not work)

3. Common goals (someone likes a simple life, not chasing material wealth or career and some that is very goal minded for gaining as much material wealth as possible, together they do not make a lasting marriage. Another example, a conflict over having children).

4. Social economical compatible (poor + rich only works in the movies)

5. Financial responsible (debt is the number one cause of divorce)

6. Open Communications (agree that it is ok not to agree, tell each other your most hidden secrets, keeping the secrets from everyone, no name calling, and etc)

7. Both parties are very much alike (opposite may attract, but they do not make for a lasting marriage)

8. Sexual compatible (variety in sexual act + partner that finds some acts repulsive, does not make a lasting marriage

Sex is the secret to a happy marriage. Without sex then the marriage is a waste of time and money. It's part of a healthy relationship between man and wife. I am married. We make it last by treating each other with respect and never argue with each other. I let him make most of the decisions regarding finances and whatnot. I have been married for 6 months now.

My wife and I have been married for almost 11 years, and what we have found that the "secret" and to us it's not really a secret is that you make GOD the center of your life and your marriage. Make EVERYTHING in your marrige revolve around God. Also, honesty, trust & communication are keys to a happy marriage.

My husband and I knew we would be together forever after the second day together. We have been been married for 13 years and we have had our ups and downs. Learn to accept that everyone is different and that you can not change one another. Sometimes you need to fight to get everything out in the open and then the making up is the fun part :). Dont forget to talk.

I've been married for 4yrs and 5months now and we just stick w/ this promise ...

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Their is no secret if you want it bad enough and you guys work hard then it will last. I've been married for 5 years. My husband gets on my last nerve but i could not imagine life with out him.