Why do people say, "my adopted son/daughter?"?

Most adoptive parents will simply say "My daughter," but many are open to mentioning their child's adoption if there's a reason to talk about it. Many are proud of having adopted and proud of their kids in all the glory that comes from both nature and nurture. They like to tell their stories and they want their kids to be comfortable with how they joined their families. But it can be overdone. Your kids are your kids, no matter their origins.

I don't know! That's a really good question. I don't think I've ever heard anyone do that, but it would bother me if I did. I sure hope it's not to get themselves a pat on the back! That would be awful--and at the child's expense, too.

My youngest is a different race than the rest of us, and sometimes we'll get a raised eyebrow when we introduce our kids. Sometimes, just to head off the question that's about to come, we'll ask our youngest where she was born which she's always very proud to answer. She's totally fine with being adopted, but we don't want her to hear every other person we meet ask if she was adopted. She's just one of our 4 kids, and that's how we want her to feel.

I'm sorry that I don't have a better answer. I'll be thinking about this one....

I agree with you. The word "adopted" is a term to describe an event that took place in forming a family. It is not to be used to define a child.

I always introduce my children as my son and daughter. However, I am always eager to share our adoption story. I am a huge advocate for open adoption and I want others to be educated about adoption in general. That would never happen if I never told anyone my children were (notice I said "were" not "are") adopted.

I don't deserve any pats on the back. We didn't adopt in order to "save a child." But, if I kept how they joined our family a secret, would that cause them to wonder if I was ashamed when they are older? I'm proud that we adopted them and I want that to show.

I would agree ... we are adopting a child and she will be refered to as my daughter not my adopted daughter ... I hate that label as much as anyone else and it's no ones business ... the child does not need to be reminded that they were adopted and in the end may feel as if they were singled out over the natural children.

Although I've never heard anyone say that, I'm sure it happens, and it does seems silly. I certainly dont say "This is my biological daughter". Perhaps they say it to clarify "No I didnt cheat on my husband, my child looks differnt from us because she is adopted" or whatever. Or perhaps they are proud of themselves for adopting. Adoption is a wonderful thing, but I imagine it may be damaging to the child to be labeled like that constantly.

Unfortunately, they did not educate themselves on the adoption language that is so essential these days. Also, I hope they "get with it"....by saying that over and over in front of their child, the child may feel more alienated, as if not a part of the family. I agree with you 100%!

my parents did this on an occasion. not often, but i seriously think it was to save time, other than being the same race, we have no physical similarities. and most people knew my sister and my moms past of failed pregnancies so it was a quick way to say 'she doesnt look like us because...' or 'we finally have our family complete'.

i did have a problem with this for a while until i got custody of my step children. when the constant questions of if they look like dad or looking at my daughter and looking at them with the questioning looks, it does become annoying

overall, i dont think its an intentional disrespect, but a quick, way to avoid other more in depth questions

at least i hope thats why, because the alternative reasons arent very nice

My MIL referred to both of her sons as my adopted baby until the adoptions were final. It kept it in her mind that the birth mother might have changed her mind. Dh's birth mother almost did. No one could find her to sign final papers!

It is pretty callous. I can understand if the child looked very different from the parents, because inevitably some jerk will ask "Oh, who's the father?" But other than that I can't think of a good reason not to just say "my son/daughter."

My husband adopted a girl with his first wife and she is my stepdaughter and I call her my daughter and she calls me mommy. I have heard some older people who have adopted children and they call them their "chosen one". Which this is true they did choose their child. I just consider a son a son and a daughter a daughter no matter how I have gotten them. They are my children.