7 top blonde jokes; feel free to add your favorite?

Question

1. A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" 

2. A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" 


3. A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" 

4. A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "Hellooooooooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

5. A blond woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car andcwas pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blond.
The blond cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. Here it is," she said. The blond officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

6. One blonde was trying to jimmie her car lock while her blonde girl friend was inside saying: "...a bit to the left..."

7. Blonde following a truck for 5 blocks honking and yelling to the truck driver in a snowy day that he was losing his load...Finally the truck driver pulled over and said: "Lady, I am salting the road..."

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ive heard all but #'s 6 and 7 and my fav is #5. Here is one of mine:

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. 

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" 

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" 

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" 

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. 

I have one more and here it is:

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. 
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?" 
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. 
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks. 
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says. 
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?" 
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. 
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks. 
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says. 
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" 
"No darling, it's because you're 25."

? · Answer

(1) Shawshank redemption: This is by far my favorite Movie. it a triumph of the sprit type of movie that plays with your emotions the entire story with probably the best ending in cinema history. (2) Caddyshack: This is probably my favorite comedy, full of great one liners and a superb cast. (3) A Time to Kill: If this movie doesn't drag a few tears out of ya your not human. Def. Matthew Mcconnaheys best movie. (4)Schindler's List: This is a must watch! Its unbelievable what the human race is capable of! This is a true and disturbing story but has a hero that saved many. (5) Sometimes in April: Same as Above its amazing what people are capable of, This is a sad story of a man trying to find out what happened to his family during the genocide in Rwanda. (6) Fast times at ridgemont high: This was my ages party teenage movie but it still hold up today! Sean Penn as Spicoli you cant get better than that! (7) Blade Runner: Harrison Ford Sci Fi way ahead of its time, Ive watched this movie more times than i can count. (8) Meet the Parents: Laugh fest from start to finish! "Little Fockers" is coming out this fall! (9) Scarface: Though a bit long this movie is riveting from start to finish and will make you wonder "wow that was 3 hrs" Based on a true story! (10) Blow: In my opinion Johnny depps best performance! True story of drug dealer during the late 70s early 80s. Only 10? I could probably go on and on! Here's some more: Wonderland,The Thing,Something about Mary,The Dark Knight,The Shinning,Up in smoke,40 year virgin,Halloween 3,Looker,Goodfellas,Casino,The Killing Fields,The pianist,Hotel Rwanda,Animal house,Heavy Metal.Plus many others have mentioned already!

eminemychicky · Answer

i like all of them, here's one i got
Blond Horse Riding
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. 
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. 
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. 
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. 
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. 
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. 
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. 
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

Blackcat · Answer

i like number 5.
here is mine

a blonde decides to die her hair brown because she is tired of being made fun of. she goes on a driving trip in her new car, when all of a sudden in the middle of the drive she gets hungry. she goes up to this man's farm and asks the farmer, "if i can guess how many sheep you have can i have one?" the farmer says yes. the former blonde quickly counts the sheep and guesses 81. the farmer is amazed and allows her to take a sheep. as the former blonde gets to her car, the farmer runs up to her and asks her "if i can guess your original hair color, can i have my dog back?"

angel2005_2001 · Answer

A blond opened a box of cheroo's and said "oh look Donut seeds"

dee s · Answer

LOVED #5!  lol

Here's mine:

Two blondes were looking up at the clear night sky while visiting New York City.  

One said thoughtfully to the other, "Which do you think is closer, the Moon or Florida?"

The other replied, "Duh, you can't see Florida."

Anonymous · Answer

#5 and #7 are really funny XD

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah Matt ... Blonds are 'more so smarter ' than we all think!!

lovepixiek · Answer

LOL LOVED IT AND MATT YOU JUST PROVED TO EVERYONE THAT WE SHOULD REPLACE BLONDE JOKES WITH MATT JOKES

nothing · Answer

i liked them


matt - you're an idiot!

Trending News

7 top blonde jokes; feel free to add your favorite?

11 Answers