sprinting_turtle

How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks

# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? - Leeks

# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the captain

# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he

knew where he was going he replied "off course."

# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock.

That's more than can be said for his ship.

# The captain says he is not guilty of manslaughter. He has witnesses

to prove he was nowhere near the passengers who died.

# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down

in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.

# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken

cruise liner Costa Concordia?

Nothing - The bottom's dropped out of both.

Just as a poll. I am having problem in Silicon Valley. Any other geographic area experiencing the same error? Appears to be wide spread:

http://www.ysmallbizstatus.com/status/archives/tag...

Based on the Friedewald equation

LDL = Total cholesterol - HDL - (Triglycerides ÷ 5)

Appears that a person with 50 Triglycerides has higher calculated LDL than another person with 200 Triglycerides with similar HDL and total cholesterol. It does not make sense. Any sliding scale factor for the equation?.

Shown here:

http://www.shortvideoking.com/index.php?VID=Rc6UI7...

Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn are playing outside a Ranch house.

They notice a man going up and chapping the door. A young lady answers it and he says "Joey sent me"

The lady says"How much you got?" to which the man replies"5 dollars". She ushers him inside and about 30 minutes later he leaves.

Tom & Huck watch a further 3 people doing the same .

Tom says to Huck "You got any money?"

"Yes ," says Huck, "37cents" ,

"Right" says Tom "I've got 40 cents. Lets go!".

So up the step to the door and knock on it.

The young lady answers and says "Who sent you?"

"Joey"says Tom.

"How much you got?"

"77 cents." says Tom.

She takes them inside and kicks both of them in the balls. Gives their faces a good slap and finally boots their arses out the door.

"Thank God we didnt have 5 dollars" ,says Huck. "I could'nt stand half an hour of that!"

Happy Father's Day:

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder Pops are always happier than Moms.

1. A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

2. A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

3. A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

4. A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "Hellooooooooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

5. A blond woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car andcwas pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blond.

The blond cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. Here it is," she said. The blond officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

6. One blonde was trying to jimmie her car lock while her blonde girl friend was inside saying: "...a bit to the left..."

7. Blonde following a truck for 5 blocks honking and yelling to the truck driver in a snowy day that he was losing his load...Finally the truck driver pulled over and said: "Lady, I am salting the road..."

You need to know how to subtract is all:

http://digicc.com/fido/

I checked it about 10 times and it did as advertised. Question is how?

http://www.hyperkommunikation.ch/seminare/st_2006/...

From James Bond in The Facts of Death:

Romanos the villain: "... A man of your expertise has probably disarmed hundreds of bombs, haven'y you? Surly you can stop a Pershing missile from launching? Do you see this panel? Inside are the launching controls, covered by a thin glass cover that serves as a safeguard...They will go off if that glass cover is broken without following a certain procedure. You must deactivate the alarm system to get to the controls... I've written down a puzzle and its answer will tell you how to disarm the alarm system. As you can see, there is no calculator, paper or instruments anywhere to help you..."

Here was the riddle.

Pythagoras was famous for his theorem that states that in a right triangle, the sum of the squares of the legs is equal to the sqyare of the hupotenuse. The Converse is also true...

Lets say that you have sides of lengths 17, 144 and 163. Does this form an acute, right, or obtuse triangle?

Pull off the red wire if your answer is "Acute."

Pull off the blue wire if your answer is "Right."

Pull off the white wire if your answer is "Obtuse."

You have 2 minutes, good luck.

We all know Bond never dies, so what did Bond do?

A mother is driving her 7 year-old daughter to her friend's

house for a play date when the little girl asks "Mommy," how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replies sweetly. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now

really," the mother says, a bit less sweetly. "Those are personal

questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get

a divorce?" "That's enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

mom says as her daughter is getting out of the car.

The exasperated mother drives away as the two friends begin

to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I

know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How

did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is

past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that

out?"

And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got

a divorce." Now mom's getting mad. She says, "Oh really?

And just why is that, young lady?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

Theorem : 3=4

Proof:

Suppose:

a + b = c

This can also be written as:

4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c

After reorganising:

4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c

Take the constants out of the brackets:

4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)

Remove the same term left and right:

4 = 3

Did you hear about the Blonde who drove her pickup into the lake?

Her dog drowned while she tried to get the tailgate down.

The crazy English Professor at Berkeley decides to set his pupils a short story. In fact, the shortest story won a prize - but the essay had to include the following points:

1. Sex

2. Religion

3. Royalty

4. Mystery

And the winner is::

"My God!" said the Queen, "I'm pregnant! I wonder who did that?!"

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

Three boys are at school bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run. I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says, "You two know nothing about fast. My father works for the city. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"

George W. Bush virus....Google search keeps returning WMD threats

Ellen Degeneres virus.....Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC

Monica Lewinsky virus.....Sucks all the memory out of your computer

Titanic virus.....Makes your whole computer go down

Disney virus.....Everything in the computer goes Goofy

Mike Tyson virus.....Quits after one byte

Lorena Bobbit virus.....Turns your hard disk into a 3.5-inch floppy

Tim Allen virus.....Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive

Woody Allen virus.....Bypasses the motherboard and turns on daughter card

Saddam Hussein virus.....Won't let you into any of your programs

Tonya Harding virus.....Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons

Joey Buttafuoco virus.....Only attacks minor files

X-files virus.....All your Icons start shape-shifting

Ronald Reagan virus.....Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored

Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus.....Deletes your old files

I was born a suspect.

I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses tighter, hold onto their Mace, lock their car doors.

If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass I can see old ladies on the phone. They've already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to do something wrong.

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.

She pleads, "please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.

She glances around and looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!" (Myron Cohen)

http://www.physorg.com/news11214.html

Researchers say the tradition of blondes having more fun goes back to the end of the Ice Age.A report from the University of St. Andrews, published this week in Evolution and Human Behavior, says north European women evolved blond hair and blue eyes to make them stand out from their rivals at a time of fierce competition for scarce males, the Sunday Times of London reported.

Researchers say it appears blond hair originated in the region because of food shortages 10,000-11,000 years ago. Many men died in long, arduous hunting trips for food, leading to a high ratio of surviving women to men. Lighter hair colors, which started as rare mutations, became popular for breeding, the study said.

An analysis of north European genes carried out at three Japanese universities has isolated the date of the genetic mutation that resulted in blond hair to about 11,000 years ago.

A study by the World Health Organization found that natural blondes are likely to be extinct within 200 years because there are too few people carrying the blond gene, the newspaper said.

Copyright 2006 by United Press International