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Mom's Bill of Rights?

My daughters are 18 and 20. My grand daughter is almost 2. I've been a working single mom for 17 years. I'm worn out. I'm 80 pounds overweight. I joined a gym during the health fair at my employer, and both my girls encourage me to work out. The only problem is they don't allow me the time. They always "need" something from me (notably free babysitting) during that one to two hours after work that I've set aside fro my workout. Does anybody have any suggestions for a Mom's Bill of Rights? Hey, I've been the sole support of this family for 17 years. It's time I had time to myself again.

11 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    When you take a trip on board an aircraft, the first thing they tell you as a passenger is to get the Oxygen first before you're able to help your child.

    Same thing with life.

    You have to be firm and put yourself first.

    Find out what "fills up your TANK" and that which keeps you going... maybe sleep, sex, a great book, hot tub bath, time with friends, exercise, hobbies, dancing, etc.

    Just like a car... once you ran out of gas you won't be able to move any further... how can you give something to others that you don't have... energy, time, joy, peace, love...

    eventually you won't be an effective mother, friend, person...

    you will get sick since you have chronically deprived yourself of the "essentials" in life.

    My mom passed on recently... metastatic cancer...

    she was the most generous and selfless person I have ever known... even when she was in her deathbed she was thinking of other people... she probably would have lived longer if she gave more to herself.

    nurture your self... you will be able to have more in your "Happy Tank" and that way you will be able to give more of what you have... if that is what you wish...

    God bless...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    um, well how about you just tell them no? When they ask for you to babysit say I'm sorry not today I need to go to the gym. Then stick to your guns even if they say aw just for a little while. You're right you deserve some "you" time. Plus being 80 pounds overweight is very taxing on your health so if they want Grandma to be around for years to come they better let you go work out! If they drop by with the kids in tow and just expect you to watch them say something like, hey it's great to see you guys but I was just on my way out the door to the gym, here let me walk you to your car after I lock up. Then LEAVE.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It is the same philosophy as drugs.. JUST SAY NO!! You are the mom, they cannot and should not dictate what you do and when. You can tell them when you have time you can help them out. BRAVO for you busting your butt for all those years to raise them and be so great about caring about your health. I have two small kids, divorced and need to lose weight, I have gotten my two at 3 and 6 to understand that they can either do the workout with me on the floor or go in the other room. It is about YOU now and should be!!! If they don't understand that well give them a book on selfishness and tell them to learn something from it! YEAH YOU!

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes, you do deserve some time to yourself....no one can take advantage of you unless you let them. You need to stand up to your daughters and let them know that babysitting is not possible for the one or two hours after work that you have set as your workout time. Working out and losing weight is hard enough without having your daughters sabotage you this way!

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  • ?
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    No. Your mom grew to become into granted this accountability in view which you had no person else to do it for you. Now which you're engaged and residing with your fiancee, there is not any reason on your mom to be in touch on your financial affairs. Your fiance could be doing it, in spite of even in the experience that your mom thinks it extremely is a good suggestion or no longer. you reside jointly as a pair, ACT like a pair. once you marry, you pass away your mothers and dads. it's time to thank mommy for her help and place the accountability for this the place it belongs - on your place.

  • 1 decade ago

    Oh my gosh...you sound like my mom. She has 4 kids (boy-20 in college 16 hours away and the navy, girls- I am 24, live with my boyfriend about 25 minutes from my mom, girl 25-works as a police officer 16 hours away, girl-26 married with one daughter, also lives 16 hours away). There are some times when I dont hear from her for a week and then she calls to apologize, its just that shes been so bogged down with the other kids. She sometimes feels like she is over-needed. My brother and I went on a road trip last month with our mom and dad to go visit the other 2 and she literally BROKE DOWN about how much she just needs a break. We never go to our dad for anything. Its always Mom, Mom, Mom. Finally, she sent us all an email saying "I am not your sole supporter anymore. Yiou are all adults. I love you all more than I could ever express. My heart belongs to you kids. I would do anything, absolutely anything for any of you no matter what it was. But I need a break. I cant get involved with petty squabbles anymore, you cant call me on my house phone and then if I dont answer my cell, and then if I dont answer you cant call the house phone again, and then email me, and then try to reach my on IM...I need some time to myself. Your father and I just settled into a house with no kids. Please please please let me enjoy it. Its not that I dont enjoy you kids. You are my pride and enjoy every single one of you, but please....It's time, with all of you being grown up, for us to finally be friends, not just mom and kids. You wouldn't hound your friends like this would you?"

    It went on like that. Since then, we have learned to back off a little (although its just turned to my sisters and I calling eachother for stuff we would normally call mom about, but that has brought my sisters and I together).

    We finally understood. Express your love and concern, and express the fact that you need it in return. Best of luck and you sound like a GREAT mom!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No bill of rights needed, You need time for you now and just tell them that . Your girls are of legal age and at least one even has a child of her own.

    Just say "I'm sorry you will have to make other arrangements" when they are asking you to cancel your workout plans to tend to their needs. You still love them and can help them out when it suits you, but you need to make sure that you help yourself out first.

    Remember you won't be much help to anybody if you don't take good care of yourself. So that should be your 1st priority

    Good Luck!

  • Lal
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Goodness me, just say no! Your daughters are wayyy to young to have kids, and it's not your responsibility to babysit AT ALL. Take some time for yourself, your daughters must understand, so explain it nicely to them.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm guessing there isn't a dad in the picture for your grand daughter? Maybe you didn't teach your daughters responisbility. And now you blame them for you being fat and not being able to work out.

  • Me
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    you don't need a bill of rights. you need to tell your daughters that you wish you could help but you don't have the time because you have to go to the gym.

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