Can you beleive it.?

just had to send this too you - hysterical!! No wonder I still shave

> my legs......!

>

> > Only a woman can laugh at this. No one else would

> dare! Hope you

> enjoy!

> >

> > This has to be one of the funniest and most awful

> scenarios I have

> ever

> > heard of... Bless this woman!!!

> > All hair removal methods have tricked us with their

> promises of easy,

> > painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors,

> Nair and now.... The

> > Wax!!

> >

> > My night began as any other normal weekday night.

> Come home; fix

> > dinner; played with the kids. I then had the thought

> that would ring

> > painfully in my mind for the next few hours; 'Maybe

> I should do the

> hair

> > removal thing for the month?'

> >

> > So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom.

> It was one of

> those

> > cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you

> just rub the strips

> > together in your hand and then they get warm and you

> peel them apart,

> > press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair

> comes right off! No

> > mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no

> girly, girl, but am

> > mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it

> out.

> >

> > *YA THINK!!!*

> > So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two

> strips facing each

> > together, stuck together. Instead of rubbing them

> together, I get out

> > the hairdryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax

> my rear end (Oh,

> how

> > this phrase haunts me!).

> >

> > I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin

> around it tight and

> > pull. OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it

> wasn't too bad. I

> can

> > do this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am

> She-Ra, fighter of

> > all wayward body hair and smooth skin

> extraordinaire!!

> >

> > With my next wax strip, I move 'north'. After

> checking on the kids, I

> > sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair

> fighting

> > championship. I drop my panties and place one foot

> on the toilet.

> >

> > Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip

> across the right side

> > of the bikini line, covering the right half of my

> vagina and

> stretching

> > down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a

> long strip). I

> inhale

> > deeply and brace myself....

> >

> > RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

> > I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH DEAR

> GOD !!!!!!!!!!! I'm

> > making noises that only dogs can hear.

> >

> > Vision slowly returning, I notice that I've only

> managed to pull off

> > half of the strip. S**T!!! Another deep breath and

> RRIIPP...

> >

> > Everything is swirly and spotted . I cannot breath

> or speak - I have

> > forgotten how ..

> > Do I hear crashing drums?????

> >

> > Wait a few minutes and I'm back to normal (nearly)

> After all this I

> > want to see my trophy !!! - A wax covered strip with

> my hairy pelt

> that

> > has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want

> to revel in the

> glory

> > that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the

> strip!

> >

> > There's no hair on it! Where is the hair?? WHERE IS

> THE WAX? Slowly I

> > ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

> I see the

> hair...

> > The hair that should be

> > on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I

> run my fingers

> over

> > the most sensitive part of my body, which is now

> covered in cold wax

> and

> > matted hair.

> >

> > Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . .

> > Remember, my foot is still propped up on the toilet.

> I know I need to

> > do something, so I put my foot down. DAMN!!! I hear

> the slamming of

> the

> > cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed

> shut!!!

> >

> >

> > I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure

> out what to do

> and

> > think to myself, 'Please don't let me get the urge

> to poop. My head

> may

> > pop off.'

> >

> > Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the

> hottest water I can

> > stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax

> covered bits and the

> wax

> > should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??

> >

> > WRONG!!!! I get in the tub - The water is slightly

> hotter than then

> > that used to

> > torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical

> equipment - I sit.

> >

> > Now, the only thing worse that having your nether

> businesses glued

> > together is having them glued together and then

> glued to the bottom

> of

> > the tub.

> >

> > In scalding hot water!! (Which, by the way, doesn't

> melt cold wax)

> So,

> > now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless

> the man what

> > convinced me I should have a phone in the

> bathroom!!! I call my

> friend,

> > thinking surely she's waxed before and has come

> secret of how to get

> me

> > undone. It's a very good conversation starter, 'So

> my butt and who-ha

> > are stuck to the bottom of the tub!' There is a

> slight pause. She

> > doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide

> the laughter from

> me.

> > She wants to know exactly where the wax is located.

> >

> > 'Are we talking buttock cheek or is it covering -

> you know -

> > Everywhere(cringe factor 20000 at this point)?'

> >

> >

> > She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I

> give her the

> rundown

> > and she suggests I call the number on the side of

> the box.

> >

> >

> > YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!

> >

> >

> > I should be the 'butt' of someone else's work-night

> jokes. While we

> go

> > through various solutions, I resort to scraping the

> wax off with a

> > razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie

> goodies covered

> in

> > hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot

> water, and then

> dry

> > shaving the sticky wax off!!!

> >

> > By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken

> a major hike and

> I

> > slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still

> talking with me and

> my

> > hand reaches towards the saving grace...The lotion

> they give you to

> > remove the excess wax.

> >

> > What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub

> some on and OH MY

> > GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared

> the dickens out of

> my

> > friend, but I really don't care!!

> >

> > 'IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!' I get a hearty

> congratulation from my friend

> > and she hangs up. I successfully remove the

> remainder of the wax and

> > then notice, to my grief and despair...

> >

> > THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!

> >

> >

> > So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.

> >

> >

> > Next week I'm going to try hair colour . . . . .

> >