I am visiting my 27 year old daughter in Germany and all we have done is fight.?

Oh Donna,

The pain I feel FOR you, is real. I cannot imagine how hard this trip is for you. The only thing you can do is love her DESPITE the way she feels. You are not responsible for the hatred she holds in her heart.

Do not engage her in ANY arguements...no matter how much you want to blow off steam. If she sees and feels nothing but love coming from you, maybe she will calm down and understand YOUR feelings.

Keep telling her, no matter what the situation, that you love her with every fiber of your being and nothing will change that. Then sit back, quietly. She can't argue unless there are TWO people to argue. If you will not engage her, then I truly believe she will see that you are only trying to offer her your love. Do not waste this opportunity to be with your daughter. When you have given it all YOU can give, you have given your best.

You are in my prayers, hon. Really!

Talk about mixed signals! She paid for your trip, only to tell you she doesn't love you?

Sounds like an impulsive things she said, which she probably regrets but is too proud to apologize for.

My Mom and I argued like cats and dogs throughout her life. Now she is gone and I miss her every day.

If your daughter and you share a very similar personality this might be getting in the way of your relationship because you will be fighting for alpha status. Your adult, evidently well-to-do daughter wants respect from you and the acknowledgement that she is successful. She needs to feel as though you're peers, even though you're not.

At least, back when my Mom and I were scrabbling constantly when I was a young adult, those were my needs.

Try calmness and respect, and remember, being an adult is not a chronological thing you automatically acheive, it's something you earn, and maybe she feels as though she hasn't yet earned her adulthood.

Just a thought!

I believe that there could be some hardships she resents you for. Ask her why she feels this way. Do not become resentful or angry with the answer she gives you. Try to understand where she is coming from and try to do fun things that give you good memories. Try to do things that do not require a lot of conversation. Don't criticize her on the choices she has made unless she asks for advice.

Give her something like a locket to say thank you and put a picture of you in it. Tell her that you are sorry for any mistakes and make this cruise a time of real mother and daughter bonding.

Best of Luck

It is hard to give any advice how to improve your relationship. Maybe it helps if I tell you that once I thought myself that I don't love my parents, I even hated them. There were so many fights, they never could hold back and let me live my own life with my own experience. They always interfered. Even though I did know that they did this just because of love.

However, as I was 24 a terrible car accident happened. The man who caused that accident died immediately and my parents fortunately survived heavily injured in the totally crashed limo. This tragedy was a key event in our relationship. I recognized that I love them, I just was not aware of it before this - or I just tried to ignore that for so many years. Perhaps this is the same with your daughter.

So, if she wants to make this cruise with you and even paid for you to come, your relationship can't be that bad!

Just not only love her, but also respect her like any other grown up. So try to avoid the fights or at least do not escalate. I'm sure she will realize that she loves you.

Good luck on your trip and both of you should enjoy the cruise.

After many attempts to have more children I had only one daughter. She has never told me that she didn't love me but I think that during her early adult years she was a little more desperate to get away from me, test her own wings and stand on her own feet. I reacted by clutching to her that much tighter and I am ashamed to say I turned in to a household dictator briefly. During that time there were lots of arguments and some hurtful words were said. My very wise husband didn't outright tell me I was wrong but he asked me why I argue with her when she says some of the things she does. He said you need to be quiet and hear between the words. So I'm going to pass that advice on to you. Be quiet and hear. I don't think she doesn't love you if she has planned to spend twelve days with you on a ship and even on the ship there are lots of activities for both of you to take the time and calm down. Good luck!

did she seek therapy after the divorces? tell her how much she means to you and why. if you didn't love her, you wouldn't be there. i hope things get better. good luck.

One has to take account of what the other wants.