This site needs a bit of laughter... whats your fav joke?

what did one muffin say to the other muffin?

I want muffin to do with you!

Where Babies Come From

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"

The Nun and Hooters

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

The Romantic Husband

Husband and wife in bed together.

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She:"Oh that feels good."

His hand moves to her breast.

She: "Gee, honey that feels wonderful."

His hand moves to her leg.

She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."

But he stops.

She: "Why did you stop?"

He:"I found the remote."

A guy was taking a new bus route for the first time. He sat down and watched as a woman got on the bus. When the driver looked at her, she took her right hand and put her thumb on her forehead and waved her fingers at the driver.

The driver then took both of his hands and put the thumb of his right hand on his forehead and the thumb of his left hand on his right hand and he waved all of his fingers at the woman.

The woman then took her right arm, extended it, and ran her left hand up her arm. The driver, in response, extended his right arm and ran his left hand down his arm.

The lady then proceeded to grab her right breast.

The driver reached down and grabbed his crotch.

The lady turned away from the driver, grabbed her butt and got off the bus. The man was amazed at this. When he got to his stop, he asked the driver about the lady.

"What did that lady and you say to each other a couple of stops back?" he asked.

The driver replied, "Oh, the deaf woman? It's very simple. I told her that the fare was 10 cents. She asked if I was going uptown. I told her that I was going downtown. She then asked me if I was going by the dairy. I said that I was going by the ballpark. She replied, 'Oh, crap! I'm on the wrong bus!'"

THAT IS MY FAVORITE JOKE EVER!!!

I HOPE YOU ALSO ENJOY IT!!! HAVE A NICE DAY!!!

. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

Sweet Revenge

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his pen*** in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screamed, "STOP! STOP! You're not going to cut it off, are you???"

The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

i have MANY! but here's one cuz it's short..

during the early days of the model t ford, a salesman was traveling through the mountains of eastern Kentucky. the roads were narrow and not maintained very well. the salesman soon realized he was lost, so he stopped an old mountaineer along the road and asked, "how do u get the Louisville from here?"

mountaineer replied, "most of the time, my son-in-law takes me."

There were some strings walking down the street, when they decided to go to a bar, when they walked in the bar tender said, you can't stay, your strings, they all walked out but one said I'm tired of this! So he tied his self in a knot messed up his string hair and walked back in. The bar tender said, aren't you one of those strings i just kicked out?

The string looked at him and said "No, I'm a afraid not"

Chuckle chuckle!

an blonde a brunnette and a redhead were sitting on a top of a building eating lunch and the blonde opens his lunch box and says an hot dog again if i get a hotdog one more time ill kill myself then the brunnette opens his lunchbox and says an hamburger again if i get an hamburger again ill kill myself then the redhead opens his lunchbox and says if i get an taco one more time ill kill myself

so the next day they are all eating again on the constructionsite and the redhead opens his lunchbox and says my wife packed me a taco and then he jumped off the building and died then the brunnette opened his lunchbox and said an hot dog again and jumped off the building and killed himself then the blonde said an hot dog again and jumped off and killed himself self so the next an reporter was interviewing the blondes wife and said your husband killed himself cuz becuse u packed him an hotdog again and the wife said its not my fault he packs his own lunch

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip

that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost $499 or $599, depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women

have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Most people on this site have acquired a hangup. Afraid to be reported.

1 of my fav is about a woman on her husbands boat

One day a woman was sitting on his husbands boat with all his fishing equipment reading a book

Then a police pulled over in his boat "Sorry Mam but i will have to fine you for fishing"

"Why I ain't fishing?"

"Yes but you have the equipment to"

"Fine, fine me then and i will charge you for sexual harrasment!"

"Why, I ain't doing anything?"

"Yes, but you have the equipment to"

; )