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Jealousy and other issues ...?
I've been with my boyfriend for over two and a half years. I used to be very jealous of his ex girlfriends. I've learned to overcome that. However, through putting a couple things together in my head, I realize that he used to be friends with this girl who lives in Japan and is like a sex addict. This was a couple months before we got together (so in mid 2004). I don't think they ever met (though it's possible, I didn't ask), but this is so against his nature to be friends with someone who is so promiscuous and foul mouthed. I'm not saying he's a saint or anything but he looks down on that.
Anyway, should I bring up the fact that I found out about this friendship and ask him about it, or should I just let it go? He has a bad habit of not telling me about things until I bring them up, like how he went to a strip club, even though it was before we got together, it goes against both of our morals.
Thoughts please?
P.S. The reason it is coming together is because I remember we used to be really into eBay and he had this feedback that said "I love you :]" and I thought it was bizarre; he said it was a "friend" and she lives in Japan. Then he had this picture on his computer of a girl in a bikini and said it was a friend from Japan. The last time we talked about this was like over a year ago so that's why I'm reluctant to bring it up.
I appreciate a lot of the help, but not the accusatory remarks. There is stuff that he has not told me about that really 'freaked' me out for lack of a better term when I found out ... I didn't "dig" through his old stuff; this was pretty much just an epiphany I had ... no snooping, since there's nothing of his TO snoop through. The picture on his computer was something he accidentally had up while showing me other stuff.
8 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Do you enjoy these feelings you are having, worrying about this?
If yes, let it go so you can worry forever.
If no, you have two options.
1) Ask him about it, accuse him of double standards, call him a hipocrite, then break up with him. I guarantee you won't worry about his past relationships any more after that.
2) Change yourself. If you want to have a great relationship with him, then it is irrelevant whether or not you ask him about the Japanese girl. The issues you have run deeper than some girl millions of miles away, and the majority of the deeper issues are internal, not your boyfriend, or your relationship with him, or where and how you live, love, or anything like that.
For a clearer understanding of this concept, watch the 1957 film "12 Angry Men", and imagine your boyfriend is the accused, and you are the jury. It will all make sense if you watch the film from end to end. Please trust that much.
Good luck.
:)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Please, if anything always have a open speaking relationship with someone. How you feel is normal. Feelings are never bad and if something is not making you happy in the relationship then it needs to be talked about. It's Unhealthy to keep things build up inside you. Just sit down with him and let him know that he can talk to you about anything and you would love the same from him.This is what love is all about, having that one person that you can talk to and depend on. Just remember that things do happen, you just have to learn together to work through it. Best of luck.
- fire_inur_eyesLv 71 decade ago
Heidi--this is a rocky relationship--asking about the past and the exaggerated claims and all the sex stuff--it is just plain useless--you are definitely going to ruin this thing. what does it all mean?? If any of this is a strange thing to you--and you feel as if you can't trust him--don't get involved--it won't work--so why prolong all this stuff--you are free to leave. If you do talk about the past--I feel you are just trying to find out about the sex stuff--that is your goal--and then you want to torture him about it. So why bother--you will never trust him--and trust is the biggest part of a relationship. what about your past?? What about sex for you?? Does he ask?? Does he care?? Would you two argue over this all the time?? NOT HEALTHY--NOT NORMAL
- 1 decade ago
WOW! He knew her before you, and you've been dating for 2-1/2 years? So you searched through his stuff, found out about an OLD friendship with someone he has probably never even met in person, and YOU want to give the riot act to HIM? It sounds to me like you're the one with the problem. Leave it alone & forget about it. If you do start badgering him about it expect to lose a boyfriend, once he sees how paranoid and possesive you really are.
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- 1 decade ago
if you truely feel like it will help your relationship then talk to him about it, but i feel like it will only cause jealously/trust issues in your relationship.
and also, aren't you kind of concerned he doesn't tell you things until you bring them up? just a tad weird to me, but maybe he is just not the most open person.
but congrats on getting over the whole jealously thing, it can be a very hard thing to overcome from most.
good luck to you & him.
- 1 decade ago
he did go to the strip club before he was w/ you....
maybe you should trust him more.
that girl in japan is probably just a friend.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Ask yourself this, will it change the way you feel about him. If not, then let it go.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I THINK U SHOULD BRING IT UP........... I WOULD WANT TO KNOW.........BUT HAY THAT'S JUST ME
