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a bit long but its worth it xxx funny or true xxxxx?
To My Dear Girlfriend,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
To My Dear Boyfriend,
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't ***
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
15 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
That is some diary. It is like two rolled into one. Oh Chris you are damn good at the jokes cos no one can do them like you. lol
EDIT: I forgot to give you a star. Here's one for you. I never think on them half time. Cheers.
- poppy1Lv 71 decade ago
Hi Chris, I am still LOL this is soooo funny. The Girlfriend rules over the boyfriend.The best 2 out of the girlfriends was he miss the spot and was screwing the sheet i love this one,and you felt me move a little because you FARTED and I was trying to BREATHE!!! I love it. Keep them coming Chris.
Lol
A Friend.
Chris
- ammonLv 45 years ago
You sound a sprint like my significant different, he's an electrician, nowwwwwwww if I even have something electric thats decide for fixing ie iron kettle i will ask him to restoration all of it week and it wont get finished - if i take it around to my friends named sharon, supply the item to her, and he or she calls around the comparable night, he will restoration it whilst me and her have a espresso,...........we could play you at your guy or woman activity lol.
- 1 decade ago
lol, that is really funny and how true is that..hhaha
Oh but in my case there are only few I use as an excuse, infact my guy should consider himself lucky ...
here is a star for a well deserved joke
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
I see only platonic love !or love with a new meaning perhaps at the virtual second world!
- 1 decade ago
Wow....that was long.....Funny though! Quite Scary actually because some of it I felt like I've said before....Actually most of it I've said before............Ah ha ha ha ha
- KBLv 41 decade ago
How dare you!
I wrote this in my diary for my own private thoughts...You have got a lot of explaining to do.
