i really need HELP fast MOM"S before i copleatly loose it?

Are you a single mother trying to accomplish this on your own? I am not trying to be offensive, just curious.

In my family, what you described is the role that the father takes on and is generally better equipped to manage than the mother. Please dont take that the wrong way, but it will be difficult to solve this problem without creating some minor changes in your thinking.

For example, you mentioned that your son is the "devil child" and he sometimes behaves very rudely. What do you do when he is rude? Do you mention it to him (sternly of course) and insist he not do it? Or do you grab him by the back of the neck and say "NO WAY! Not even close to being acceptable, understood?" Try it some time. I guarantee it works.

It is a very simple concept, there is no abuse involved. What you are doing is a simple act established millions of years ago in the animal kingdom concerning instinctive dominance. This is something that men do naturally, and women tend to communicate vocally. Young men understand and accept the physical part and even tend to seek it out.

This making sense so far?

I would apply the same logic and technique to the "cussing" issue. He will adapt, it will surprise the sh*t out of him the first time you do it. Frankly, the "Never serious" part is par for the course where boys are concerned. Only maturity can change that.

Concerning the "he does nothing I tell him to do" part, you will find that if he doesn't respect you (or see you as the dominant figure) he will do everything he can to push the boundaries. As you deal with this, your tendency to recongnize it becomes quicker and your willingness to deal with it comes less.

Again (no offense- and I am going to get flamed from every woman on this board) men don't deal with this because we instinctively recognize this behavior and establish dominancy very quickly when it happens.

Take some time to think about this. I am NOT telling you to hit your son. But, if you implement the above example it will be a first solid step to a solution. You wont have to worry about whether you should "let him go to his friends house" because you will not need the break as often.

Sitting him down and talking to him is not the solution. EVER. He won't recognize the value of emotions and won't have a clue how to instinctively react to the situation. Walking away just makes him a winner (in his mind) and taking the tv away will ensure he uses the phone or other friends to while away the time.

If I am completely wrong and there is a father involved please have him read this then commence to kicking his **** for not doing his job.

You are doing a great job Mom! Hang in there.

And I would like to remind you that the men of the world are now going to put a hit on me and have me killed for explaining this very important secret....lol

^^ Wow. Counseling? Really? That's a wee bit extreme.

Anyway, he sounds like a basic teenager, maybe a little more rebellious than most. He's is, consciously or not, trying to push you away. It's painful to hear, but you must understand his motivation. Even though he's just 14, rightfully a child in the your eyes and the eyes' of the world, he thinks he's a adult, and therefore should act and be treated as such. He, for obvious reasons, connects you and being close to you with childhood. I'm not saying you're actively doing anything to infantalize him, he just views you as an artifact of childhood, be it just your presence, or what you expect from him, or anything, really. As such, he wants to be rid of you so he feels more 'adult.'

I did basically the same thing with my mom, only I just ignored everything she said for two years. Honestly, i haven't the foggiest of how exactly to help, and least not in personal experience. If would think, however, that punishment is only going to make him worse. I know that, when I was trying to grow up a little too fast, that, had my mother removed privileges and the like, I would've just added that to my registrar of Things Mom Did to Treat Me Like a Child. Instead, give him a bit of free rein. Let him go to his friends, let him watch the TV he wants. Essentially, you have to give him something, before he responds. If he's into music, suggest that you'll pay for, and transport him to whatever concert he wants. It has to be on his terms though. If you start setting restrictions, time limits, etc, you've made no progress. However, if in his mind, you become the enabler of his freedom, rather than the perceived opposition to it, then he's much less likely to resent you. How to balance that with maternal instinct, I truly have no idea. I suppose that's your job.

/16-year-old dude's perspective.

First off hun...Breathe! It will be okay. Your son is growing into a young man....a lot of things are happening to his body right now and screws with his hormones. This stage won't last forever. Every teenager goes through this at this age...I was horrible to my mom at 13-14 years. Just do what you can to hang in there. Is his father around to help out or take him even for a weekend here and there? Good luck and remember to breathe...it will pass!

you have to treat him like a child if he is going to act like one! When he is at his friends house empty out his room except a bed and nesecities. Lock them up. Explain to him that you are fed up with his behavior and he will have to earn his belongings back. Make a chore list and if he doesnt complete them have some form of punishment. I understand that him leaving to go to his friends house is your break ,but what are you teaching him?? That he can talk to you how he wants then go have fun at his friends?? Tough it out and take control now before it gets worse ! YOU are the parent he is the child. If he leaves without permission call the cops to go get him let him know its not a game and you will do whatever neccessary to make him act right! GOOD LUCK!!

Get family counseling.

Otherwise, we can all offer suggestions, and you'll try this, try that, go round and round, but do you honestly think any of it will work? Teenagers are difficult by nature, but he can still act like a human. An impartial party can probably be more successful at helping you two reach an understanding. Right now he's going to resist any parental control you try to put on him 110%, even if he knows it's for his own good. He sees Mom as against everything that he wants for himself.

Don't lose hope, though. I happen to know many grown men who had extremely rocky relationships with their moms and are super, super close now. They feel more guilt I guess, at the hell they put them through! It'll work out-- hang in there and God bless you.

Mom,

I have two teens and I know exactly how it feels.

Son 15, daughter 13

Fighting with teens is often and uphill battle, my wife and I have taken the course of "Love and Logic Parenting", when I use the methods taught it is amazing how compliant they become.

My kids are typical teens, my wife and I see the ZITS cartoon in the Sunday paper and are often rolling on the floor.

The expectations are with L&L and the the kid develops their own consequences for rotten behavior. It's hard to be a hard *** to kids who are on the honor role, in show choir, theatre, and generally good kids at school but absolute shirkers at home. We come down to daily things. If my son wants a ride to practices he has to complete his chores.

God, the laundry room drives me nuts. But it's the same thing. Tit for tat. A child that is disrespectful is a challenge for sure, but it's not something that can't be corrected.

I'd recommended googleing Love and Logic Parent and see if you can enroll in a course near you. It has save my and my wife's sanity more then once.

But sometimes we forget. It's pretty simple.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

I agree with cool as well, lawing down the law, sometimes isn't comfortable for some, but you have to gain the upper hand. It's not about kicking them into submission it's about them knowing who pays the bills.

"You want a new CD? it too bad you didn't mow the lawn so you'd have money to buy it."

Simple . No yelling. It works. and man it's an emotional weight off the shoulders.

The guys are a hoot to listen to.

Parent's Guide for Helping Children Succeed in School

by Jim Fay

Love and Logic parents remember that parents can't teach for teachers and teachers can't parent for parents. Remember that teachers and parents can't learn for kids no matter how much we love them.

Show the same amount of love for your children regardless of their success in school.

a. Show sadness rather than anger when they have trouble at school.

Expect your children to do their share of the chores at home.

Spend some time each day talking with excitement about your work and your day.They will want to imitate you and will soon begin to talk about school and their day.

Take turns reading to each other every day.

Have your children teach you something they have learned at school. Do this once per week.

Encourage your children to do things that "charge their batteries." Encourage them to try many different activities as a way of discovering interests and talents.

a. Remind them that they will build their careers around their talents, not around their weaknesses.

Provide a time and place for homework. Expect that they will study. Allow them to study either by writing the assignments or thinking hard about them for a reasonable amount of time.

a. If they decide to study by thinking instead of writing or reading, have them think of a plan for explaining it to the teacher.

b. Support the teacher to handle this:

Don't fight with children over the homework.

Don't fight with the teachers over the grade or consequence.

Tell your children that you will love them regardless of their grades or the number of years it takes to complete each grade.

Don't pay your children for good grades and don't punish for bad grades. Be excited about the good grades and sad for the children about their bad grades.

Have your children bring home papers.

a. Look at the right answers instead of the wrong ones.

b. Don't correct the wrong answers—leave this for the teacher.

c. Have your children explain the reasons for the answers being right. If they don't know, give them three choices:

You cheated?

You tried hard?

You are getting smarter in that subject?

Expect this Love and Logic program to take about one year before you see good results. Remember that children who have a hard time at school need to get away from it for a while each day. More homework and problems at home about school won't help.

a. Don't complain to teachers that they should give this child more homework.

b. Use this program instead and you will see amazing results in one year.

c. Fight with your children and their teachers about homework and the problem will still be there in years to come.

Love and Logic parents remember that highly successful people put most of their efforts into their talents and maintain minimal standards on everything else.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I echo what juicy girl said with one addition, take his doorknob off too, so he can't lock himself in his room.

i would say just to like be totally cool with everything he does for a couple of days, but dont let him get away with a whole lotta bad stuff, just to see what he does, like if you give him freedom (not saying youre not) for a little, maybe.... it might help? maybe.

~peace~

he needs structure, stability, church. he needs God