Can You Help With These Conflictive Thoughts?

Question

I have a cousin and I've known him all my life. We get along well and he's a good mate, even though he is quite immature for his age (21) compared to me (20) but there ya go. Anyway, about a year ago I was told by my mom that my cousins father was now out of prision, I didn't know what he was in jail for in the first place but then my mom told me, and she also told me that my cousin didn't know about his dad. (His dad had abandoned him when he was 7 because he was put in jail for something I don't want to say, sufficive to say it was VERY  WRONG). So lately my cousin has been wondering about what has happened to his father. It's like there's a big black hole where most of his past has been and it would really help him out. But morily I wonder do I have the right to tell him. Would I get in trouble? Would he not believe me and then he would never speak to me again? It is his father and he has a right to know, but do I have the right to tell him something so serious when noone else will?

anabele · Accepted Answer

That's really a hard decision.

I personally think you should tell him everything you know in private.
Your cousin may not be happy about the information or may not want to believe it at first, but if you are sincere and honest, he will believe you, and I doubt he'll actually be mad at you.

Other people in your family may be upset you told him, but that's really unfair...isn't it?  Here everyone else in the family knows all of this stuff about his father, and he doesn't.  It's like there's this big family secret that he's not in on, and that doesn't feel good.

My boyfriend was in a similar position as your cousin.  His father took off when he was around 7 and when he was 18 he started getting curious.  It was a cousin of his who told him about his dad (not always positive things) and it was his cousin who gave him his dad's phone number...
He has never been angry with his cousin about giving him the information everyone else was too scared to tell him.

Good Luck.

Izzy h · Answer

Did your mom tell you this is confidential information?  Have you advised your mom that he is inquiring where abouts of his father?  What does your gut instinct tell you?  You are old enough not to get into trouble and it sounds like your cousin should know eventually, but you will make the right decision when the timing is right.  Good luck with your decision.

Anonymous · Answer

thats a tough spot to be in, because eventually he is bound to find out and then he will either ask you if you knew about it or he'll assume that you didn't and you'll have two choices, pretend that you didn't know or tell him you did, then he gets mad at you for not sharing that info. 
i would lay low on it for awhile.  encourage him to ask people and to dig for himself. maybe discuss it with your mother and tell her how you feel that he has a right to know, maybe she can tell him.  geez, good luck

Anonymous · Answer

if you believe you're that close, tell him. he should understand. if he doesn't, in time he will. he'll understand why you didn't say anything and tried to keep it from him. and he'll also appreciate how you told him. or if you think he's just that immature.. wait until he grows up. you'll have to tell him one day. just when its right.

Dovahkiin · Answer

Keep quiet about it. Its not your place. Not to mention he is gonna be hurt that you knew and he didnt. Just encourage him to ask people who he knows do know.

Dina · Answer

your cousin definetly has the right to know the truth and if he is close to you it would better come from you.

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Can You Help With These Conflictive Thoughts?

6 Answers