Bridesmaid dilemma?

Hi there

I have a very similar dilemma myself. We have three nieces and two nephews between us. I also have a best friend who has been there through thick and thin. I also have two of my cousin's daughters who are nealry my age who have always wanted to be bridesmaids. I am asking them all- 5 little ones, best friend and three cousin's daughters (cannot ask the two without asking my other cousin's daughter). I thought it would be easier and we are a close family. It was more important for me to include everyone I wanted and I will be buying dresses from Ebay or the BHS sale. Saying that, there is one friend who I won't be asking and I was a bridesmaid for her. Since she got married 3 years ago, she has not been there for me or made an effort. So sometimes, I agree with people who say 'it's our day, you ask who you want,' but if your family is close, do you really want to offend them?

Good luck- thought it would be useful to explain my situation so you know there are many of us in the same boat!!

If you really would like for all the girls to be bridesmaids might I suggest having all your bridesmaids buy their own dress. All weddings that I've been a bridesmaid in, I was required to purchase my dress. In today's day and age, it is very acceptable and most of the time assumed by the bridesmaids that they will be responsible for their attire. Might I suggest you try using www.therosedress.com They have beautiful bridesmaid dresses in all sizes and all price ranges. Some as low as $60.

Also, if you feel that you are obligated to cover the cost of the bridesmaid dresses, why not pay a percentage for each bridesmaid. A friend of mine payed half the cost of each bridesmaid dress, and the girls had to pay the other half. This may help in you situation. If you could afford to pay for 3 dresses in full, why not pay for half the dress for each of the girls you want to share in your big day. This way no-one has to cover the complete cost of the dress.

Good luck and congratulations!

Just explain that you can't afford to buy there dresses and that if they want to be a bridesmaid they will have to buy there own dresses. Everyone I know who has got married in the last 4 years has asked there bridesmaids to buy there own dresses and they were all fine about it. To make it easier on you financially ask the others to buy there own dresses. People are 99% of the time understanding. Also have a look on ebay. I got 3 brand new bridesmaids dresses from china very good quality for less than £200.

If you want to include them in the wedding, then it's really down to either one or three as an option. Number two, while I understand the appeal since they don't actually get to tell you they're bridesmaids, is not really open to consideration under the circumstances.

So it really depends on how many bridesmaids you want, doesn't it? If you want seven, then go ahead and make them happy. If you don't want that many or don't want these cousins to make up the rest of the party, then pick other things for them to do. Yes, they may well be disappointed that they don't get to be bridesmaids, but that doesn't mean they can't help out.

Make sure you emphasize that you really need their skills at whatever you pick for them to do. 'Of course you have such a lovely speaking voice, I couldn't imagine having anyone else do this reading, and it will mean so much to us,' or 'You're the best baker I know and I just can't entrust making the cake to anyone but you' will go far to assuage their disappointment at not being bridesmaids. Just don't expect that sort of line to go down well with someone over the age of ten being asked to man the guest book. Make it something real.

You can even explain that there really won't be room at the altar for seven bridesmaids (make sure this is the case before you tell them this one, because they'll be there and know if it's not true!), or that you prefer a smaller wedding party, but that you'll be relying on them for advice and support along the way. Make sure they know you still love them.

If they still decide to be insulted, remember that you cannot control how others react to your decisions. You do your best to make them palatable to others, but they have to decide how they're going to take it.

So choose your course, be diplomatic in speaking to them, and remember that you can only control your end of the conversation, not theirs.

if u really want all 7 as bridesmaids then your first suggestion of not spending a lot on the dresses is a good idea ....evening type dresses are all the fashion for bridesmaids to wear just now..or how about buy material and get someone to make them that would work out cheaper as well....either way you must do what makes u happy in the end...good luck

my friend has just been married in july. her bridesmaids wore dresses from highstreet shop, didnt look like a typical bridesmaid dress - they were very elegant and could be worn again at special occasions, cost about £50. There are some lovely dresses in BHS, M&S etc.

Could you ask bridesmaids (or their parents) to go half on the prices?

They will still be getting a lovely outfit at a very reasonable price (which if its from a highstreet shop, they should be easily able to wear it again ) AND they will have an important role on your wedding day.

When i got married I rented bridesmaid dress (very difficult to do this now) for my niece but my sister offered and paid the extra to buy it. (we couldnt afford it)

good luck - dont feel guilty whatever you choose to do - its YOUR special day and they should be happy for you and accept your decision.

I am confused as to why you stated you would "buy" the bridesmaid dresses...today, the bridesmaids purchase their own..just be aware of their budgets when choosing your dresses. You would be responsible for the flowers for them and maybe a gift such as earrings or something for them to wear at your wedding.

You can actually have your first choices as bridesmaids, then ask your cousins to be honorary bridesmades. Have them purchase dresses in your colors, but not necessarily as fancy as your bridesmaids dresses. Then after the mothers and grandmothers are seated, have your ushers walk the honorary bridesmaids down to a "reserved" spot (a special pew) and they can sit for the wedding. After the wedding and the bridal party leaves, have the honorary bridesmaids follow the party out prior to the mothers and grandmothers. This way the will be involved.

I had 7 bridesmaids. I also had like 8 months to plan my wedding. We had thier dresses maid and costed like $100, but they paid for everything themselves except thier gifts. Total they paid for everything was maybe $200 and i asked them early on so they had time to save up if they needed. Believe my girl i still had bridesmaid probs!! One was bossy and hated the dresses i chose, then one dropped out 3 wks before, but it all works out in the end. It always does So maybe you should try and go for having 7. It wasnt that bad. Good luck i hope your day is perfect and you figure out what to do.

Since you didnt ask them to be your bride's maids, don't invite them just because they want to be one.

Explain that you need help organizing other areas of the wedding that a bride's maid may not have time to do that day. Explain that a good hostess is one that makes her guests happy and comfortable and as you will be understandably tied up and stressed for time, could they possibly help you out by touching base with each person and make sure they are enjoying themselves?

There are many things that happen at the last minute and help will be needed everywhere.

You could ask them to buy their dresses as their gift to you. When they realise how expensive it is, they might change their mind.

Having said that have a look at cheaper dresses. You could well fall in love with something that is within budget.

I personally would just be honest, and say you are on a budget and funds simply do not allow you to have 7 bridesmaids, remember traditionally you would have female family from his side too.

Don't be pushed into it. Do what you feel is right.