What do you all think?

I think that I'm glad that I'm not in your situation because I would be going to jail and I probably shouldn't say where the ex would be going (camping), if you get what I mean.

First off, one stepparent to another (for me, I'm no longer a s/parent but was for many years) do not get in the middle of this situation. I know its hard when the children are hurting but the best move is to let husband deal with this through legal channels. If ex has really uttered threats and made false allegations, then you have much that a lawyer could work with to set up orders and protection for the children. Does your husband have shared custody and guardianship or full? Do the children live in both homes equally or in one home more than the other? Who is authority at school - mother or father - or is it shared/joint authority? The bottom line is an ex is an ex for a reason, it should come as no surprise that they do not get along nor see eye-to-eye. I was forced to be in the middle between my ex (when we were together) and his ex a few times and one day I put my foot down. It wasn't for me to battle - it was his battle with her and not for me to be a part of. I could support him and help his daughter move throught it all but it wasn't for me to battle. When a stepparent and a parent (ex) battle, too many other things get tangled into the mess - as you are now the wife and stepparent, therefore a threat to her relationship with her children. (even if you aren't, that is how its viewed) I'd advise husband to talk with a lawyer and see what his rights are, what his children's rights are and I'd get the children into counselling. That way the children have someone to speak to that is neutral and have support through this all.

Change the visitation schedule so that you and your husband can help them with the school work. Go with your husband to the counselor of the school, and explain the problem. Ask that she talk to the mother about what she should be doing as far as the school work goes. Make sure that they realize that you and your husband are concerned about the children. Also, you might want to talk to an attorney about what can be done, like getting a mediator or therapist to resolve the situation.

Sounds like the Grandmother is caught in the middle and doesn't want to lose contact with the grandkids. Since the X is so manipulative, she is probably worried about that happening.

Given the hositility, I would leave the issues regarding the children between your husband and his X. She will never be okay with you 'butting' in (at least that is how she sees it). Sounds like she is jealous of your life. I know you are are stepmom but you really are going to have to exhibit extreme patience on an ongoing basis with this one.

Well best advice i can give on that one is that this is between him and his x you should support him but stay out of it. He needs to do what he has to to make sure his kids are in a loving and nuturing environment even if that means getting a lawyer to do so. His mom well again between him and her if he isn't asking you shouldnt either. His past is his mess he needs to clean it up. Just be there for him and support him is your only job. Thats the best advice i have Good Luck to your family

Sounds to me like everyone should stay out of it except for the two parents. The more people involved the more drama it causes. Also, have your hubby call and find out when they are meeting so he can be there as well. This way it makes it even.

My husband has all the same issues. His ex is equally evil. She is the only true enemy I've ever had.

That is part of the consequences of divorce and marrying a man who is divorced.

restraining oreder ^^