What is a reasonable amount of chores for a husband (read details)?

Guys are programmed when they are with their parents. You can answer a lot of your own questions and concerns by first seeing how his mom and dad got along...or didn't.

Having obtained some insight from that, tell him at a time when everything is calm and quiet and you are both in a relatively good mood that you need to talk. Ask him how he feels about his share of the total responsibilities. Just listen. You may be mortified at his responses - especially when he dares to complain about how messy the house is - but, just keep listening. Repeat back to him what you hear him say: "So, you think that.........". Be sure to repeat his WORDS, not what you think he meant. It's amazing how a person reacts to hearing his own words spoken back. It also gives him a chance to verify what you thought you heard him say, or a chance to clarify...or even revoke.

Ideally, if you probe enough and allow him to completely get it all out without blowing a fuse, he will come back with, "Well, how do you feel about it?" That gives you the chance to have your say...calmly, in dulcent tones, with no anger or resentment, but firmly and confidently.

If possible, let him alter the rules to a more balanced set of tasks. Then, it becomes his idea, he owns it, and, if he is an honorable gentleman, he will feel bound to keep his word.

On the other hand, if he is an average guy, and his father treated his mother poorly and unfairly, you are in for a long re-programming project that may or may not achieve a satisfactory level of success.

Since you articulate the problem so well and seem to be a highly intelligent person, I have confidence that you will be able to work this out. Just remember that guy-brains don't work the same as yours and try not to fly off the handle. Men can be managed. They just have to think it's their idea and that they are in charge. (It's a male ego thing - trust me.)

That's the problem, it shouldn't be what are reasonable chores for a husband to do. If you are both living in the home and contribute to it's mess, then both of you should have the same responsibility in keeping it clean. This means that both you AND him should do what needs to be done regardless of who is the husband and who is the wife. When you are in a relationship it is supposed to be EQUAL. He doesn't get off easy just because he is a man, or for the fact that he works either. You go to school (more than full time, as full time is 4 classes) AND take care of your son-that is like having a 60 hour a week job! You should talk to him about the situation and explain to him that you have just as little time as he does to clean, but that if you two work as a team it will get done faster and stay clean longer. Any good husband would agree. Hope this helps :)

I have previously felt the same, one day I was so frustrated after cooking, dishes etc that I put a list on the fridge of everything I had done that day and told him I will keep writing every thing I did on the list and also had another list on the fridge with his name on it and asked him to do the same.

After a week or two I realised he is doing a lot more than I originally thought and realised you donet see a lot of what the other person does.

Who sees you wash clothes and put them away and dishes seem to be invisable for men.

I have also tried not washing all of my hubbies clothes one time and he finally did a load when he ran out of jocks.

I really suggest the list which may put him to shame but at the same time realise how much you do and he will need to contribute more to make you feel appreciated.

Good luck

1. You picked him.

2. He sounds like a pretty normal man to me.

3. You are putting the emphasis on him and not you. Obviously the house being clean and such isn't a big deal to him. Don't let it be your problem either. Take care of it the best you can and that's enough. If the laundry is too much, just do yours. If the dishes are taking too long, buy some paper plates.

4. At what point did he stop helping? Did something happen between you guys? Is he depressed? I would try to look back to the point where he stopped helping. That should tell you alot.

My husband has never been one for housework, but frankly, I like to do things my way anyway. If it bothers you, and he used to help...I'd do some digging. It's probably more that an issue of "helping out". Maybe he's depressed, frusterated, or something.

Yikes...what's up with the thumbs downs??? I think it's reasonable to expect from a husband what he was when you met him. If he was helping before and has now stopped, why not examine the situation? Marriage is about compromise. If someone feels like they are pulling to much weight, let go of the rope. It puzzles me what I said that deserved thumbs downs....Are we supposed to "fix" our husbands who don't want to clean and cook and vacuum?

I made sure I sorted this problem out as much as possible before we got married. We lived in a small 2 bedroom apartment and both worked full time. Although it was not a big job to clean our place, once I realised he expected me to do it all I hired a cleaner to do it and made him pay half. He didn't like that!!

It actually did take a long time to get him to pull his weight, his Mummy still made his bed when we first got together and made his breakfast, everything...

Stick to your guns and make him do his share and as far as the back rub goes tell him he owes you about a hundred before its his turn again.

Id make a list of things he needs to do to help out. You both have a lot going on in life, and you shouldn't have to do it ALL.

If he doesn't want to help out then take the next step...

Dont do things for him

leave his laundry for him to do himself

dont cook his dinners

dont clean his dishes

dont give him backrubs...

sooner or later he will realize you are his wife, not his mommy and not his maid :)

Good luck!

Since this is how he wants it then I say it's time you let him know that with your full time school, your two part time jobs, and the house workload you are no longer able to handle it all. That something has to go and since you can't let your home go to heck, nor can you let your schooling go to waste that you are quitting your two jobs. He will need to step up and support you now so that you can finish school and care for the house which are both equal to his full time job.

And if he doesn't like it, oh well, write our your resignations to your employers, quit your job... and then you will have enough time to go to school and take care of the house.

The Bible clearly states that a man should run his household in a FAIR and LOVING FASHION. Not hold a wife/slave to do jobs for him. This is not the way the Bible intended "submissive" wife to be. As long as you are required to do out of home work, HE SHOULD do an equal IN house work AND IT SHOULD BE DONE IN A FAIR AND LOVING FASHION. If he is too "macho" to do "woman's work" then why isn't he "macho" enough to let you stay at home and not have to work anyways. Good luck to you.

My cousin has this same problem and she just told me today that if he doesn't start to help out around the house, then she is just going to leave the house dirty herself. I don't know why men only think that house work is for women. They live there to and should also be doing their fair share.

He has the final say in things?? Run...run fast and don't look back. Honey you need to get out of that marriage!