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Too much - comments wanted?
I'm pulling out my hair,
I'm clawing at my head,
This pain is just too much,
I really wish i were dead!
My brain feels on fire,
I'm going up in flames,
No matter what i do,
it all just stays the same.
Living with this constant pain,
It's becomeing more than i can bare,
God, I wish I were in Hell,
at least it'd be easier there.
But God, he has no mercy,
He wants me to suffer through it,
I just wish one little thing,
that he'd give me the strength to do it.
But it seems as if he's forgotten,
about me, and my pain,
When he was taking attendance,
he just looked over my name.
ugh, This pain, it's spreading,
over every inch of my skin,
it's too much, i'm gonna die,
i never imagined such an end.
3 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
It seems fine to me. I think it's a bit over-done. But, I believe your belief in your poem. I used to write like this and felt it very much so and just wanted someone to encourage some of the things I wrote. So, I'm not saying it's bad, and in my non-sugar coated opinion, it really isn't. But, you could browse a thesaurus for some creative words.
Though, I did like some of the ones you used, for example,
When he was taking attendance,
he just looked over my name.
is something I don't hear very often and I like the different verbal stimulation. Good luck with the rest of your writing. :D
- DondiLv 71 decade ago
I do not like the poem you wrote
The subject's not my cup.
I never liked a written piece,
That endorsed giving up.
