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a poem called the farm , that i wrote?
In the race she lost her arm
I’m thinking I’ve lost my charm
Sunny days that left us here
Longing now to return
To the farm on the cliff where angels lie lost
Daylight turned her lips to stone
In the darkness I found her sitting there
Lost like fish in a stream
Serene Dream ,follow me home
I never want to be alone
On the third my lips were parched
We rolled down a hillock
Careless and empty lacking fear
Life is to me but a dream
and so I abscond here until I’m found
where angels now lie dead to this world
I feel its warm arms embrace me
I left them all to the storm
And held up my flag to the azure above
I write the script now, you’ve staged me
My train of thought of lesser consequence
My deadened self alive with freedom
How did I ever escape my cage
Perhaps life was no more theatrical
Then I assumed , left pale beneath moonlight
I hear the song of the freed souls
For on the farm dots lie disconnected
just wrote it so there could be some spelling or grammer mistakes
2 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
OK , I give you credit for being creative.
It reminds me of the old coffee house days in the village.
Beatniks used to recite poetry of their own creation.
I am going to be brutally honest here.
Creative -- Yes
Good -----No
For Example: You wrote:
On the third my lips were parched
We rolled down a hillock
Careless and empty lacking fear
Life is to me but a dream
and so I abscond here until I’m found
It makes absolutely no sense to the listener. I am sure you know what the meaning is, but you need to convey this to others in your recitation. Most of your poem is the same... it doesnt connect or flow together.
Work on it -- You do have the potential and I would enjoy reading your works.
Source(s): older and wiser these days - djb32067433_1Lv 41 decade ago
Incredible writing. This was brilliantly written. I couldn't write a poem this great. You definitely have a passion for writing, and I would love to read more. A great writer like you has a lot of potential. Please post more, and I will definitely read them. You have the maturity of an prize-winning author. Your work is an example of what happens when you allow yourself to be creative and let your intelligence show. You should write a book!! Wonderful job! Keep on going, you brilliant writer!!!