We' ve been married almost 8 years and my wife doesn't enjoy sex or intimacy.?

Dude,

I just read all your questions over the past couple of weeks (all four of them). Let me tell ya playa, lay low in the cut and watch her closely. This dead fish in the bed, wearing thongs, valentine cards and the whopper, participating in an affair prior to meeting you are all signs of something being up!

The crap you are being fed about taking her out, doing this and doing that is presently a complete waste of your time. Right now, you should be treating her like a queen BUT open those eyes in the back of your head and keep a VERY sharp eye and have your ear to the rails.

Please read my original response below (in this answer). I already smelled a rat but allowed two possible scenerio's. I think number one may have a bit more weight after review.

One of two things are going on...

1. She cheating on you and only the twerp she's cheating with will bring her to life. If you suspect this, go deep cover and catch her. Get all the evidence you can to bolster your case. Phone records, pictures etc...

If you have a freind in the Police force, get him, her pull some strings to get names, numbers, places of work. When you have all your irrefutible evidence, have a nice dinner waiting for her, get her nice and cozy and SPRING THAT SH-IT ON HER! If she plays crazy or gives you some lip you about it not being true, you have some thinking to do. Personally, if she's been found to be having a sexual affiar, cut your losses, take the evidence to court and hope the judge will not require you to pay alimony, split things 50 / 50 and you get custody of the children and she pays child support.

If she admits to an emotional affair (no sex but actually just as bad) but will not agree to go to counseling, cut your losses, take the evidence to court and hope the judge will not require you to pay alimony, split things 50 / 50 and you get custody of the children and she pays child support.

2.She's turned in to a dead fish or lump of coal. If this is the case, ask her if you can start banging her while she's asleep. You'll be able to last for hours and she won't know the difference. That's about as good as jacking off and you might be able to get more of it. Otherwise let her know this corpse like stance is not going to make it.

I've observed something. I see many of the female responses here involve spending money. Do we HAVE to spend money in order to make you happy or feel like having sex? Guys in the situation like this poor fella would be better off just finding hookers for their pleasure and NEVER get married. At least a hooker will FAKE it and make it seem like she's enjoying herself.

For you wives that fake it, you are the biggest dunce caps on the planet. You have a man on top of you that's going to put fluid inside you 100% of the time. You should be taking advantage of the fact your husbands want it and TELL HIM HOW TO GET YOU OFF!

Only when I initiate it we mess around about once every 6-8 weeks. We have 2 small children and both work. She claims she feels uncomfortable about her body (no reason to) and is too tired. She also said she needs more romance to put her in the mood. I genuinely understand her concerns and try to address them. With small children it is difficult to romance her the way I would like to, but I try. When we do get intimate I feel like I am molesting her. She lays there expressionless with her arms at her sides seemingly waiting for the whole thing to be over. We have been useing the silver bullet and she seems to enjoy it, but doesn't show it. She hardly kisses me back or touches me. I love her and want to make things better but she doesn't seem interested. I go to bed most nights completely frustrated because I am tired of being given the cold shoulder. She hops into bed and is usually asleep in 15 seconds and I lay awake half the night. Talking has not helped

She sounds pretty selfish, I also smell a rat. If a woman claims to feel funny about her body, they usually don't start wearing thong underwear that show off more of her body, that sounds suspicious to me. The more you kiss her a$$ the less respect she will have for you, you have already tried the nice guy routine with no success. I don't think you should cheat on her, but disappear sometimes or come home late from work and stop begging for sex, let her wonder what you are up to and why you aren't begging anymore. Sometimes it's like the old saying "When you put a woman too high up on a pedestal, they can end up looking down on you." It sucks to have to play games like that, but human relationships are challenging. You are too nice of a guy it sounds like, if she cuts you off for longer than a month, I'd get a hooker and use two condoms.

When wives act like this, it's usually because they are burned out on sex. If you want your wife to be receptive to "sex", stop viewing it as sex and start making love to her. If you can make her believe it is her you want in bed, she'll respond differently.

Most women with 2 small children to raise are too tired to accommodate their husbands every night. If, however, you help out with the kids and start showing this woman the affection she needs (which she has already told you she needs), you'll find that she will be more receptive. Start making love to your wife. Sometimes, just hold your wife in bed and let her fall asleep in your arms. Don't make the bedroom a sex trap for her. Let her know that she's not expected to perform every time her head hits the pillow, and she won't hop into bed and fall asleep in 15 seconds.

Talking has not helped? Try listening more. That is what a woman wants. Be nice to her when sex is not the agenda for it. A lot of times there is unresolved anger that is carried on even though you may be past it, she is still feeling it. At least once a week, after the children are down, turn off the TV, open a bottle of wine and just ask her about her feelings. If your romantic side only comes out when it is bedtime you are going to fail.

It sounds like she is depressed... First of all how old are the children.. She may be experiencing postpartum depression...

Maybe what you two need to do is go away for the weekend leave the children with the grandparents or other famiy members and take a short romantic weekend just to pamper your wife... BUT don't expect to have sex let her initiate it ... Draw her a hot bubble bath a glass of wine.... and just truly let her have some time to melt away. She will respond to your generosity...

To be safe have her talk to her doctor.. She may need some antidepressants..

She also sounds bored with sex....bored with life... Change the scenery (meaning) wine and dine her and take a joy ride...Stop at a little B & B.

Good luck!!

http://www.4women.gov/FAQ/postpartum.htm

Not good signs at all. Ok, she wants more romance but you feel you don't have time. That isn't accurate. Women want to anticipate. Leave her a note Monday morning that says you need her to meet you in the bedroom at 9:30pm Friday night. Leave her a note on Tuesday that tells her what to wear. Leave another on Wed and so on. It's this type of things the gets a woman going.

Send her a single rose to work with a note from her Cabana boy lover.

Take her out on dates every week. Just the two of you. Even if it's just to take a one hour walk.

Get a babysitter, get away for a weekend, go camping, send flowers to her at work because its thursday. Put a love letter in her lunch box (not asking for sex or any mention of it), without her knowing. Do all of the chores for a month so she has extra time & your not just another chore, put a candy on her pillow. Make sure shes not depressed, stressed, ect. It will be a lot of work & won't happen over night. Talk to her see how she feels---don't attack her no matter what the response

hi,

i dnt know since hw long u both had married. As u said u have two little kids, both are working. talking is just useless untill u can make out her mind wat is she feeling for the moment, as u both work outside it would be frustratin for both of u make sure that u both spend time together for at least halfan hour so that it ud make u both understand better.

Make urself free and help her in her work and make out how she feels abt u. marriage is happend and u can enjoy her as ur wish but it would be just like going to prostitute, both of u should enjoy sex at least once a week to make ur life better or else it would be bitter life for both of u... try to consult any of the experts who could help both of u to avoid working frustration so that u both understand each other better than before...

dont ever force her untill she feels that she need sex with u just be romantic with her any time..........

You two need to talk now! It sounds like you need some counseling. Something is wrong and you need to fix it before it get worse.

Have you tried getting a night free of kids. May-be sending them to grandparents house. romancing her with dinner and night out on the town. Candles buring in the room. If you have the finances spending a night away from the house.

Hope things work out for you

Some insight..

Okay, first of all, unlike what a responder said above, threats are NOT going to work - it will just push her away even more..

I feel the same way as your wife, but I have only been married for two years. I don't know why I feel that way...we have a one year old but this started a little before our daughter was born...and I feel terrible for my husband who is not getting his needs met at all.

I feel like some where along the line I just lost feeling sexy about myself, and am uncomfortable. I almost feel like a fumbling virgin who knows nothing about sex or intimacy anymore, and I don't know why. And the longer we keep from each other, the harder it is to get back to being intimate with each other. I don't know what to do to get back to that feeling of sexuality or even feeling sexy about myself and body. And I don't want to lose my husband in the process, though I know he would never leave.

I don't know what to do to help you and your wife, but thought I would give my thoughts on it as we are in the same boat. I think alot of couples are, and they just don't want to talk about it.