I know alot of you are kids- but still would like marriage advice...?

Well I am no kid and nether is my husband and we kind of came up with the same opinion on this. Why stay in a marriage where you are not appreciated and are being ignored. Your husband sounds like he is just going through the motions of being in a marriage and doing a bad job at that. Tell your husband you are seriously considering a divorce and then go get a make over and some new sexy clothes and see if he starts to worry. If this doesn't get a reaction out of him then I'd say there is not much there to salvage.

Good Luck

Awww, sad mama - so sorry to hear of your predicament. Unfortunately, I think these things can be common when you've been together for a long time. It's easy to get bored w/ the person. You know everything about them....every nook and cranny of that person's body. The only way I can suggest you get him to be attracted to you again is to surprise him by wearing sexy lingerie or something like that. Create a sexy night for the 2 of you by sending your kids away. It depends on how bad you want to try to put that spark back in your marriage. The things he describes are hard to get over because you can't MAKE yourself feel "in love" again. It just comes naturally. He needs to think back to all the things that made him fall in love with you in the first place. Have those things changed? If not, then I'm not sure why he has fallen out of love w/ you. It's a great sign that he's at least willing to try counseling....and yes, I'm sure he's partly doing it to soothe his own guilt over thinking of divorce. No one wants to think they went down without a fight. Do the counseling and see how it goes. But sweetie, sometimes it's best to just realize 2 people MAY be better off apart....and that's ok. It doesn't mean you can't always be close friends. And I've even seen divorced people get closer than they were when they were married! Buck up.

Well, I'm no kid and have been married twice as many years as you, but, I don't know how sage my advice will be. I'd like to try to help or at least support you. First let me say you can't make someone put effort into something if they just plain everyday don't want to. It sounds to me like he doesn't really want to. He's letting you pull all the weight of this on your own. If it fails he thinks then it's all on you isn't it? Might I suggest you get a separate counsellor just for you? You need somebody that you can unload to, support and advise you. You must feel terribly alone right now and let's face it family will just want to kill him and if you do work it out they'll never forgive him for putting you through this. Also try to find things that fill you up such as: take a class in something you find interesting (it doesn't have to be something that furthers your career, just something that would be enjoyable to you), go out with your girlfriends once a week, pamper yourself a little. In other words start taking care of YOU! You'll be surprised by your husband's reaction. I'll bet money that you've made him the center of your universe all these years and let yourself take a back seat. When you stop focusing all your attention on him trust me he'll react! He may get angry at first, but, so what he seems to mad alot anyway. The more he pulls away the harder you try, right?? When he thinks he's losing his hold on you maybe he'll start trying. Even if he doesn't at least you're starting to take care of yourself and give to yourself some of the things you need to keep from emotionally starving to death. My prayers are with you sweetheart, good luck.

My wife an I were going through some problems as well after 15 years. So one day she just dissapeared for a week. When she came back she said she needed a time-out. I totally freaked. Why, because it killed me not to see my wife and kids at breakfast time. I was all alone to think about things. What a wake up call! She told me that this was the last time we are going to make things work, so I should give it my all. I did and we made it work. So far things are good. Set your rules! Get rid of the seperate sleeping arrangements! If he still shows the same attitude when you come back... sorry girl it is time to move on. A little silent treatment of your own will set him straight. From a man's point of view... IT WILL WORK.

Don't be sad, mama! I am coming out of a REALLY tough year of marriage and I feel for you. I don't know if you are religious or pray, but one book that helped me very much is "The Power OF A Praying Wife", by Stormie Omartian. I have a question and I hope I don't come off as rude, but what are you doing to keep yourself attractive? I think we (married people, men included) should try to stay attractive for eachother. I don't mean being skinny, or having the perfect body either, but care about how you look. Fix your hair, put a little color on your face, iron your clothes, even if you aren't going anywhere! Put on sexy pj's instead of sweats and a t-shirt. Slip him a sexy note under his bedroom door--"I'm not wearing underwear", or something you know he likes. Also try doing fun stuff together. The things you used to do on dates before you got married. Reminisce, talk about "the good old days". In talking about the good times you remind eachother of why you fell in love. Remind him of a funny story in your past. And one very important thing, don't stop being physically intimate! Have more sex! Well, at least that worked for me. If you can get through this rough spot it will be SOOOO worth it! And you will come out stronger than ever!

Hello Sad Mama-

I ( unfortanaetly) am not a kid.

From what I have read, listened to, experienced and believe, is that it takes two to build, maintain, focus, freshen, and keep a relationship going. The one thing I always hear is that people stay in relationships for the children which is not the right thing to do. You need to be happy, loved, and respected. Your child will respect you more seeing you take care of YOURSELF, first and foremost, which would allow you to care for others more heartedly.

Not passing judgement, but as a guy, it sounds as if your husband is just stringing you along, and is not as committed as you are to fixing this. I know ending relationships are hard, but in the long run, your happiness is the most important thing. You will be healthy and happier and so will your child. It teaches them that teamwork is a unified effort, not individiual, and will be a great tool for them as they enter into future relationships. Your husbands games should not be any deterent for you to seek out what is right for you. If need be, initiate the procedeings. A good mediator or lawyer will know how to work with you so you feel validated and not an initiator of bad-will. You will need to sit down with your son and explain to him what is going on and why. Offer to have him speak to a school counselor or other professional if he feels more comfortable. Make his school officials aware of the situation so that they may monitor his feelings and progress. Don't pass blame on his father..be the mature one and let your son know that you love him and will always be there for him.

I wish you the best of luck. Be healthy and happy. Let me know how it works out.

Koa

Hi mommy,

I really think that the marriage has just reached a boredom phase. He may love you and care about you, but when men don't see that fire anymore, they don't attempt anything. I had the same problem with my bf after a year, and we argued so much about our problems. We finally came to an agreement, and decided to change some things about the way we go about our sex, going out, and conversations. Try and seduce him but don't go try too hard. I know it hurts you, and your son is involved. If he promised your son, then maybe there is still some hope left. What matters is that you are happy, if he doesn't fufill you anymore, then maybe you might find another man that will.

Love,

Rebel Chick

To answer your question, yes...that's what it looks like, but just think of it this way. Sometimes things just don't work out. While you might not like the saying, I have to add "at least you tried"...both of you. Also, so many marriages end with an ugly divorce. It sounds like, while you argue, that you are still amicable and can probably split up peacefully. Staying together just because you have a child can sometimes do more harm than good. A child growing up with separated or divorced "friendly" parents is better off than a child growing up in a home full of arguing and a negative atmosphere. Plus, what happens if you stay together and one of you meets someone else? That makes for an even stickier situation for you and your family. If you are wondering what to do next, I would advise to separate amicably, continue to love your son together unconditionally, raise him in his best interest, and see what lies ahead in your life. Good luck....and don't be sad...cheer up. It could be worse...

Sounds like you have just been used and now he is throwing you away. Seems like he don't want the marriage to work so why waste money for counseling. Seems to me that could be put in a seperate bank account and used for a down payment on a house for you. He done said he loved you but in love with you. Leave him it is over and done. He is finished. He don't want the marriage anymore. Or you seems to me. The way I see it you wasted 16 years of your life for nothing. Man I hate when that happens. Been there done that.

Well, it doesn't really seem like he really wants to try! Maybe try being seperated? Maybe he has to see what he is missing? If that doesn't work, then I guess it is time to go your seperate ways! You don't want to show your kids that a marriage all about fights and not being happy! Try To make sure that you guys are fighting in front of the kids! Try not to have the kids in the middle of it all! Keep the fighting between the two of you! Yes, divorces are never easy for anyone! Good luck!