An example of my writings,please make suggestions?

Question

Gentle and sweet the whisper seeps in the forest so deep beyond where
the king of three winters grow in the forest so dark there lies a spark.
Can you hear the silenced lark?

Soft and tender is my step to the old woman who has wept for the things
she has not kept. The forest is unforgiving for those among the living
but there she sits at the singing spring defiant to her fears and still
can she hear?

Curious eyes watch in sorrow for none know what brings on the morrow.
I kneal in the fern in the moon's glow and feel the tear trickle below.
She cradles the warrior like a child deep within this forest so wild.

Limb to limb, root to root I dance but not once did our eyes meet to
chance. In the moss they search for what is lost, their way distorted
and amiss to find a place like this.

Rustle the leaves for my whispers are free. Her sobs tell of the soul
the gods have robbed, brave he must have been this warrior she cradles.

Silent feet lead me close within the shadows of her soul.

"You hear me dont you healer? What will cure his wound grows deep in
the thistle dew, take my hand for I am no different than you and I will
show you where they grow. Fear not for your warrior so bold and brave
for this place will not be his grave if you truly believe."

Cat · Accepted Answer

Nice.  It needs a spell check, and a bit of refining.  Sometimes it's brilliant - sometimes it wanders into confusion.  You may be able to trim down or clarify some things...  But keep writing.

(And as a former English teacher, I don't get to say that often.)  ;)

Do keep writing.

Terry · Answer

You will have to learn of meter if you are going to write poetry. You have the gift of imagination and the gift of rhyming, but there is no rhythmic flow. 

Meter is the regular repetition of sound patterns this is normally a combination of long and short syllables or stressed and unstressed syllables or a mixture of both. The common iambic is a simple soft hard or unstressed stressed. 

You would have an excellent poem if you would give it meter.

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An example of my writings,please make suggestions?

2 Answers