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Kara P
Kara P asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Glue - opinions?

My heart was made of glass,

and with every blow you threw,

it slowly started to crack,

so much pain it caused,if you only knew.

Why was i put here?

just to be hurt everyday?

to be constantly full of fear?

to be played with like a ball of clay?

You may be out of my life,

but,i'll never forget what you did,

all that pain and strife,

still burns me like acid.

It wasn't just the physical pain,

you played with my thoughts,

to you it was all just a game,

and i was your voodoo doll.

you did what you pleased with me,

i never had the strength to fight,

no one heard my silent screams,

you just flew me like a kite.

always tied to a line,

or more like put in chains,

no one knew i was even alive,

i was going insane.

you used to say you loved me,

but then i knew the truth,

you just wanted to screw with me,

and i didnt have a clue.

my heart of glass was shattered,

and i didn't know what to do,

after being so beaten and battered,

but then i found some glue.

Update:

To G,

actually, i'm 13.

Update 2:

i'm going to rewrite it in freeverse later...........

6 Answers

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  • The Dark Prince
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Kara,

    Bravo, you are getting better and better. I love this poem and all it represents. You are one resilient young woman and I am proud of you little sis.

    Your Big Brother

    Steve

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well done! Especially considering your age. If you must write rhyming poetry, work on your metre. Since 'glue' appears in your great punch line, why not alter the title to avoid giving it away. Also, you could make the same points more effectively if you wrote your piece as free verse or blank verse. It would give you the chance to tighten the entire poem, improving what is already good. Please don't stop writing. You have talent.

    Source(s): Internationally published
  • Ammie J
    1 decade ago

    I think it would help not to have so many questions all clustered together in the second stanza. The intention of your poem is clear, but it would help to use words that are not so shallow somehow. You know deepen your words with your meaning. Its not bad though, and it would help to just get rid of the rhyming thing, it would restrict you less in terms of the words you use.

    Good luck, it is overall very nice

  • Dondi
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Go back, read this aloud. Find the places where the rhythm bogs down and try to fix it, if you are going to rhyme, be consistent, so go back and fix that too, or ditch the rhyming altogether. It can be good, but as it is, it's hard to read, and parts are kinda bad poetry-wise. Rework and re-post, I'd like to see it get better.

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  • G
    1 decade ago

    okay, so it's alright. the rhymes were predictable the way a nursery rhyme is. it doesn't all have to rhyme perfectly. broaden your vocabulary, what are you? 11? take this comment as things to improve on- constructive criticism or something. but good job anyway, keep up the good work.

  • Cami lives
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I really loved your poem' with the words and the feelings of the poem.This is great and it;s hard to believe it came from such a young lady of 13...Shelly

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