(Adopted people only) Is it better to know that you are adopted or would you prefer never to have known.?

I was adopted as an infant and grew up knowing that I was. My parents told me very early... I can't remember a time when I didn't know. My older brother is not adopted.

It was always treated in a very healthy way. I was told that, when my brother came along, my parents had to take whatever they got. Don't get me wrong... he is wonderful and that was not a dis on their part. But, they told me that they got to choose me from all kinds of kids. I felt special.

About the secrets... in my 20's I found my adoption certificate which had my original name on it and had always been told that my parents didn't know anything about me. This caused a huge problem for a few years.

I am glad that I always knew. Just finding out about my name was shocking enough and caused me to have some pretty strong bad feelings at the time. If I had not known that I was adopted and found out by mistake... I am pretty sure that would have done some pretty good damage to me and to my relationship to my family. Encourage her to tell the child. There are lots of kids books out there that can help explain to a young child where they come from.

You're child has the right to know. I was adopted and have known as long as I can remember. I was made to feel "special' about it as though I was chosen. I never even thought about it negatively. I think the medical issue is a big point in the issue as well and if you ever needed to know something your child might find out then and then feel anger towards you for keeping if from him or her.. Good Luck!!

I'm adopted and I always knew I was adopted so once her child is old enough they may realise it anyway. They will also realise that they don't look like their adoptive parents or have obvious differences personality wise. It is also very hurtful to know that you have lived a lie, and that is what it would feel like, that their life was a complete lie. I recomend honesty. Apart from trivial things that sometimes need sensitivity, honesty is the only answer because lies just hurt and ruin people.

I was adopted along with my twin brother when i was three weeks old and i dont know my biological parents at all, i'm now 16. I think it's good that they told me [even though i have much darker skin than them and brown eyes while they both have blue, and probably would have figured it out]

So i think it will come out, unless they look a lot alike and can get away with it.

Plus, it would hurt SO much more if i had found out later rather than sooner... like a lot more.

And i dont like the idea of keeping something that huge from anyone.

And of course I always wonder about my parentsand hurt sometimes, but as with everything, it hurts, you move on, it comes back, you move on, etc.

Secrets always come out and can destroy families. I'm adopted and my parents told me I was when I was little. They haven't hidden anything from except for telling me that my bio dad was a drug dealer. They wanted to tell me when I was older. Your friend thinks that she is protecting the child but really she could hurt her. I know I would be so mad at my parents if they never told me.

I don't think there is any way I could have NOT known considering the fact that I look, act, talk and think nothing like my adoptive parents. if they hadn't told me from the start (which they did) I would have figured it out when I got to biology class. Considering my traits and their traits, there is no way we could have actually been related. It would have been genetically impossible.

When it comes to adoption, honesty really is the best policy. I would encourage your friend to tell her child asap. There is no sense in living a lie and it will always come back to bite you eventually.

Well I’m glad my parents were always honest with me about it. Your friend shouldn’t lie. The secret will probably come out eventually, the child could stumble upon her adoption papers one day. Some one in the family who knows could blurt it out out of anger. Honesty early on is always the best thing in adoption. Better for the child too. imo

yes, I agree with the others, honesty is the best policy, in fact can even be life-saving the child will need to know an accurate medical history.

The truth inevitably comes out, and yes being adopted hurts, but not being able to trust your adoptive parents would only compound the hurt, I hope your friend reconsiders.

Ask your friend to google late discovery adoptee

Most of them who found out late (and be sure to tell her that the child WILL find out eventually and it is a HUGE betrayal of trust not to tell) they all 'knew' anyway - when they eventually find out it usually doesn't come as a huge surprise anyway

Secrets and Lies in families are toxic and just wrong wrong wrong

i think everyone has there own way to deal with adoption,personnally i had no choice in knowing about my birth parents as my grandparents adopted me and i had visits from my real dad alot,i think every child that is adopted should know due to the fact that one day there birth parents could come looking(as that does happen sometimes),also that child may need to know important medical back ground when they get older,yes i do think that every adopted child should know the truth.