a poem, it still needs work, but what do you think?

Wow that is a really strong poem with lots of raw feelings and i love it,Kara' you are honestly one of the best poets i have ever seen or known'.keep writing your work;; as it;s outstanding...I give it a 100 forget about a 10...Shelly

I must confess that I absolutely and utterly dislike the word "emo". It says nothing and means nothing. It is no more than a current fad. If you want to write poetry that will last, drop it and drop it quick. Also learn to use an apostrophe when you leave the i out of is. The Gothic vein is good and valid, with all of its pathology. There are people walking around who are empty, and a very hypocritical society unwilling to look beyond that emptiness to the feelings that hide in its depths. Some of your lines can be tightened up a bit to bring more order and regularity to your verse structure, there are a lot of words to be cut. Neither the girl nor her hypothetical observer can live in the other's skin, so why not explore the common ground between them? Or own all the feelings she has rather than project them on another? There is much that is good in this poem, it is better than many I've read of its genre.

i'm just a fading shadow,

a flickering breeze,

a melting icecube

no one sees

i'm invisible to you,

you have no love

i'm the one that you despise.

so don't pretend to like me,

keep your fake smiles

tell me how you really feel,

about the me,

do you think shes an emo

cutting herself and writing poetry?

an atheist defying God in every way?

diseased,

and if you leave her alone you'll be ok?

one day that girl, unknown,

will snap on all who ignored,

the sad eyes and the bruises,

and you'll never know what for.

you will think that you did nothing,

and maybe that is true,

but nothing doesn't help,

so why should she hold back on you?

She will release all anger,

and your bad thoughts in her head,

and where will that leave you?

on the floor, dead

If it ain't about you, call it "her."

If it's about a friend you know, get her help. Please.

As for it's poetic merit, I have to say that rhyming quatrains is probably not the best formal application for a poem of this magnitude. The sing-songy simple rhymes undermine any authority your speaker may have and makes it read kinda like a kid who's screaming for attention and not a kid who's in any actual pain.

You've got some brilliant, stark imagery and I think you arrived at it through the rhyme, but it no longer fits...Keep the imagery, lose the rhyme. Rewrite the poem with less emphasis on the rhyme and more emphasis on the lyricism of your images.

Submit it to poetry.com, it's a great poem. Not everyone understands that a poem doesn't have to rhyme or have the perfect iambic pentameter. I liked it alot, it has alot of feeling, (feelings that millions of people have) I would name it: Invisible. Keep on writing, doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it but you. I have found that if I go back to a poem and try to improve/change it, it takes away from the original theme. Trust your gut instinct, you'll know it when you feel it.

I dont get the understanding of the poem is it about that someone is tease an they cut there self an they try 2 get back at the people by hurting them . The answer 2 your question is I think she is someone that defines God in everyway.

I would rewrite it, centering around the

a melting cube of ice

image.

Try to juxtapose yourself as the melting ice, and how it melts, and trickles along a table, or something similar, only to eventually fall to foreseeable death on the floor.

Good luck.

Honey, if this is you that is okay, i write poetry too and this poem is alot better than mine, and im 31. However it is not right to be a cutter. I used to be a cutter and i grew out of that thank God. Great poem, but please dont cut yourself, please dont. FYI 3rd verse up, word names, is name's. I used to be a cutter because thats the only control i had, over me. Write me, ok

change it you can,..

be what you want,

you dont have to feel this way,

you dont need the scissors in your hand,

this is all I demand. FYI poetry doesnt have to rhyme, it just has to have a reason to be.

I dont like "nobody understands me" poems. Plus that "emo" thing is so ridiculous. Cutting yourself (i know its not about you) is stupid and even though it makes you feel like part of a very exclusive group of "dark" kids with emotional problems who can withstand pain others cant, its just a fad. Its the "gothic" of the 90's and the punk of the 70's. it all comes and goes but those scars...

I think she, whoever she is... needs help! And... people should pay attention! I just hate it when people are "on the floor dead" because someone decided that they ,or she, deserved to release their pent up anger on someone else!