How do you get men to understand how you are feeling without them getting defensive.?

Never instruct them what to do. Tell them what your problems are and how much u are being affected and leave them to come up with ways to address your concerns.

tell them..just be open. Dont nag or whine..but matter of factly tell him how u feel. In a calm, serious voice..when u know u have his attetnion. If anybody is too defensive all the time..that could be a bad sign..hes hidng somethign and is defensive to stop u from asking questions

They have to have feelings theirselves, you can't understand something completely unless you have experienced them already. You could always make simple though, I'm feeling sad give me a hug and tell me you love me :)