What would you do with a teenager that is disrespectful and controlling?

My stepson is rebellious, rude, arrogant, disrespectful and doesn't appreciate anyone oranything. I believe people do what is important to them. If this issues is important to you you will step up to the plate and take back control. You can get this control back with providing either "one" or "two" options every time he is out of line. No matter whitch option he chooses ...or if he chooses neither

...you will be deliriously happy because he can not control your behavior, unless you let him. He can not control the options that you have so graciously provided him for his consideration. That's why you are asking for help. (don't worry about me saying this to you ...some one said it to me many years ago and I just love it and I hope youwill also). If he chooses option 1. you are going to be so pleased.If he chooses option 2. you are going to be so happy. If he does not choose and option withih 3-5 minutes you will assume that he is going to choose option one. Or it can be 2. Remember your delirious! Be sure to remind him that you are going to choose for him. That should motivate him to move and choose one of your option; because kids do not like to be told what to do. That why some kids won't make a decision thinking that all of this will pass but it won't pass because you have added your "loving" personal touch of caring for him in his own behalf by choosing for him.

We cleaned a room so he could have his own space.

Next time just assign him a room and let him clean out his own room ...if he wants to.

He puts on clothes, takes them off and throws them in his closet.

Outstanding! remind him all clothes placed in the close hamper/basket in the laundry room get washed on only the days I do laundry.

Tell him, "Folding and puting clothes away in the right place is your contribution to my loving efforts for you.

When he doesn't have any he will leave me a not telling me to put his clothes in washer/dryer because I didn't do them. Well, I quit doing them period. I used to wash them, dry them, fold them up or hang them up, but now I just throw them in a pile on his bed. I am tired of the way he acts. "YOU ARE JUST OUTSTANDING!"

I am not going to let a teenager control me anymore. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ON THIS ONE!

This causes conflicts with me and my mate.

If your mate is not helping I certainly understand. The two of you "must " work together.

I get the feeling you have discussed this with your mate and its not working. No problem ...Give your mate two options both of which you will be deliriously happy with ...You get my point. This works with kids and adults "almost" each time, every time, over time.

The process of options works twice as fast if both partners are one the same page. Two loving and united parents working together can bring about miracles within the family will be witnessed by your son.

I am at my wits end. Help me Please!!!

If this does not work then something else may be going on and you need to get professional help in your area. I know I would if I were at my wits end.

He takes off CLEAN clothes and throws them in the closet or hamper because he does not feel like putting them back up. I have a full-time job, school and family. I don't have time for this. He allready KNOWS how to wash he is just too lazy.He breaks my stuff. He is just rude. This is not normal. I didn't do this crap when I was a kid.

1 hour ago

MMM, no his mom made him move because he curses her and disobeys her also to the same extent.

I'm think he may already be doing the same to you now. Is he?

If so, get help.

Scenario, needs a shirt to wear to school. He has none clean so he comes in My room and gets the one I had washed and ironed for school the next morning......

Tell him, "Oh no". "You've done it again". "That is so sad when you do that at your age". "Pleased don't bother me about things this week that you can do for yourself". "I'll be glad to talk or visit with you when I have determined that you respect me."

I do love him as my mates son, but he is making it very very difficulty. He is a spoiled brat!

If your mate is not helping you then you do know that you have a very serious communications problem with your mate in needing their help.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and you family at this time.

Bless you,

Ed

PS

Your heart is in the right place and you have the right attitude.

Your stepson will need your help before you will need his.

before the next 24 hours are up he will be asking or needing something from you or both of you.

Saying "no", or "no" not right now is good for startes to let him know you are taking a new direction in dealing with him.

For example; You could say, I've been so busy and nervious thinking about all of the mess you have created. I will get to feeling better when you do the right thing(s) without me having to deal with your irresponsibilities.

The tactics of "no" not right now or today or this week, or month; along with maybes, delays, postponements, inconveniencies, excuses on your part all help (explained to him in a loving way; a sincere looking smile also goes a long way in his speedy recovery).

Ed

This sounds like someone desperate for attention. Although by age 17 it seems he may be too set in his ways. But never give up, when they need you most is when most people give up. Push thru and continue to tell him that you love him....all the while command respect, do not demand it. There is a difference, a hard one to distinguish, but it is possible. Compromise....Communicate....Explain that if he brings the laundry to the laundry room, you will be glad to do the laundry for him. It gets him involved in the process. Explain that if he picks up after himself even a little it makes things much easier for everyone else. A family works thru group effort...not by an individual alone. Involve him, or at least attempt to invite him, in family activities. Make him an integral part of your bond with eachother. All you can do is try, if he's willing, he will come around eventually. It takes a lot of patience and my heart goes out to you. Best Wishes... :)

How old is he? If he is at least 14 teach him how to do his own laundry. Tell him he can use the washer and dryer at a certain time during the week. Also make sure you tell him he has to make full loads. Then I would get his dad to agree with this plan. Does his dad know about the notes he has left you? If I was his dad I would set him straight. But also....boys that age are pretty messy anyway. Stay on his case about it.......but make him do his own laundry.

Ok, first of all I am sorry to hear it.

He does not control you, you do it to yourself because you are a good person and love your partner.

It is the hardest thing to love and care for someone who acts this way, he is a typical teenager. Can you talk to your mate? Can you explain how you feel? Or if you can not just do not do it anymore. Sometimes action is so much better than words.

There are lots of people out there with the same problem, and all of them hurt. I know it does not make you feel better, but you are not alone. Nothing you can do to change him, you can just walk out, but it is not what you want.

let them know how you feel, and stop doing things that are not appreciated by anybody in your Family.

Teach him to do his own laundry, don't get mad. Leaving a note does not sound so awful. If throwing his clothes on the floor is the worst thing you can come up with, you need to check out a few more teens, because this is pretty normal.

Well-- for one thing I am a teenager... and if I was that totally ungrateful wretch I would be turned around by....

a mom who loved me no matter what I did or said...

treat him not as your step-son... but as the son of the man who you love more then anyone in the world!

Have a good day Mrs.

~Me

Send his behind straight to bootcamp. Or take him to feed the homeless and work with less fortunate people, maybe that will be an eyeopener for him. Good Luck!

most teen are messy.sorry to say their also disrespectfully to people.maybe he resents you because you are taking care of him.he might be fighting with himself to like you because it would feel like betrayal to his own mother.just keep loving him unconditional and he will come around it sounds like you were on the right track.he was treating you just like a real mom.so act like one and keep up the good work