My life or responsibility?

i know that it hurts to disappoint your grandmother, but in the end, you have to live with yourself. your decisions are what make you who you are. if you love your girl and she loves you and you're committed and happy, that should be enough for your grandmother.

That is definately not a good reason to marry.

Talk to your grandmother. I think you'll find when she said she wanted to see you marry before she dies, she didn't have this in mind.

This is a life-long commitment. What do you think it would be like if you rush into an ill-advised marriage so she can see you marry,. Before long, your grandmother either passes away, or alzheimers causes her to not be "here." Your whole motivation for marriage is gone, and you realize it was a mistake. What then?

At the most, I'd say if you would be marrying your girlfriend anyway, but you aren't ready for it right now, you could go ahead and propose, but not jump into marriage. Maybe knowing you're engaged and are actively planning to marry would substitute actually having a wedding and getting married before you're ready for it.

Assuming you've asked the girl and not grandma ;o)

Your grandmother doesn't just want to attend a nice ceremony and eat cake. She wants to know you've found "the one" and are heading into a lifetime of happiness.

If you aren't ready, you just aren't ready. It's not fair to either of you to go ahead with a marriage just to make someone else happy. She has likely been in the early stages Alzheimers for awhile, even years. It may just be the way she articulated her wishes and dreams for you...that you marry the right person and have a good life. Early Alzheimers will do that to a person...(early as in pre-diagnosis) they can't find the correct way to express a feeling.

I understand the sentiment, but I disagree with the lack of logic. We aren't supposed to make decisions based on what we think may make someone else happy. If you're not ready to do this, then don't do it. Trust me when I tell you, she's not going to die with a broken heart just because she didn't get to see you get married.

I have a grandparent in the early stages of Alzheimer's...it's very, very sad. I must tell you, though...she doesn't remember things from visit to visit. Even if you were to get married, she may or may not remember it. So, don't do it just because you think it will cause her happiness - the happiness may only be temporary. YOU are the one that will have to live with the outcome.

I'm very sorry to hear that your grandmother is going through all that she is. Surround her with love...that's really all she needs.

Good luck to you and your family =)

Your grandma will want the best for you. And only you know what is best for you. This does not mean you love her any less if you do not grant your wish. And if she loves you, she will understand even if she does not now. Simple tell your grandma that you love her very much but you are just not ready to get married. And you know that she would want you to be happy. Tell your girlfriend, you love her but you are not ready. She'll understand. If she does not, then so be it. The rest of your life is a long time to regret about something you did.

Don't do it. You'll be bound to someone you're not ready to marry simply to make your grandmother happy. I think its lovely that you want to see your grandmother happy, but this is the worst way you could do that. How long do you think that marriage would actually last? Its a very serious commitment and if you're not ready, doing it for someone else is the last thing that should be on your mind. Who knows, if you end up getting married to make your grandma happy and marital problems arise (which they do) you might even end up resenting your grandmother for it.

If you love her, than it should be find. marriage is not that scary. Remember, when will you ever be "ready"? As a guy to guy, never. We need some reason to go buy the ring. hey, the ring (a good ring) doesn't come cheap. I just got one that is over 5,000 dollar.

Now ask yourself, do you want to spend this money on a less then a pound rock? Hell no. Never in you life right! But quess what, sometime we just need a reason to get marry. If you loves this girl and feel that she is the one. Than just go for it.

On top of it, your grandmother will be happy. It is a win win situation.

You're going to be in this for a long time, presumably, and

your grandmother will forget it anyway. Don't do it for her.

It's none of her business. But seriously, 4 years seems to me to be a long time to be with someone you "love" but are not

ready to marry yet. Unless you met when you were teenagers. How much longer will it take until you are ready--

a year? 2 years? 5 years? At some point you need to commit or move on.

Don't get married for someone else--you are setting yourself up for failure and are doing it for the wrong reasons.

After four years together, do you see yourself one day marrying this girl? I think that one is never REALLY ready for marriage and that we all learn along the way, but if you don't see yourself marrying this girl then let her go because it's not fair to you and to her. If you do see a future with her, do it at your own pace...don't let outside pressure dictate what you should do with your life. My husband and I have been together for a total of 8 years and we only got married this past August--everyone pressured for a long time, but we wanted to do it in our own time frame.

Good luck!

I feel bad for your situation but if you are not ready you shouldn't have asked. I'm sure your grandmother would want you to be happy more than anything regardless if that means marriage or not.

Spend time with your grandmother and let her know you are happy and thankful for the sacrifices she has made for you. Tell her you want to be sure your life feel fulfilled and when you are ready you will marry.

If you really think about it when would really ever be ready. The question you have to ask yourself is that do you truly love this woman, and can you see spending the rest of your life with her. I'm sorry about your grandmother, but if she is not the woman for you, then you need to explain to your grandmother, I'm sure she will understand.

If you do love this woman, then just be happy, no one really is ever ready for marriage, but if you are in love and happy then go for it and don't think twice. Good luck on your decision.