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Stepmothers - Do you regret getting married to a man with kids?

My fiance has a 7 year old daughter that is so sweet. The thing is his 'friend' called 6 months ago and said that she just had his baby. (This happened before I met him.) They live in another country and he is going to go soon to take a DNA testing. If she is his then he has two girls from two different mothers.

Stepmothers, Do you regret getting married to a man with kids? How many step kids and "ex-wives"?

I am 24 and he is 29~

SEASONS GREETINGS!

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am a step mom to a 14 yr old. I met his father when he was only 2 yrs old I've never had any regrets it at all I think the younger the kids are the easier it is cause during the teenage years there gonna rebel no matter what my stepson has always been very respectable to me. If you let them run over you to make them like you better than your wrong. Also my husband loves his son very very much and would do anything in the world for him we just fought a 2 yr court battle to get joint custody of him so were have a lot more time with him, But my husband would never let him disrespect me or talk bad to me even though I am not his biologic mother I am still a parent to him when he is in our house hold and he knows he is the child and were the parents. We also have a 4 yr old son together. And if your step kid does not respect you then there is a problem with your husband he should never let his child run over you or disrespect you at all your his wife and you take care of him and his kids and love them. Your really need to sit down with your husband and have a long long talk with him. Good Luck and hope things work out for you!

    Source(s): stepmother of a 14 yr old I meet his father when he was 2 and married his dad one month before he turned 3 yrs old
  • 1 decade ago

    I am 36 and never had children, I have three step daughters 23, 25 & 26 they all have children of their own making me a grandmother of 8, they did not have children when I came into the picture so I am "grandma". It has been a constant struggle all along. (young mothers are very imature and when you're imature to begin with what chance does a person have?) I sometimes do regret it, but only at times when I am weak and I let them get to me! No matter what we do it will never be good enough for them or enough especially at Christmas time but my husbands children are unlike any others! They are worse then most, just beacuse and to them making someone else miserable is all the better, they thrive on it, and they don't only treat me bad they treat every one bad!

    When the youngest and the oldest came to live with us it was not long before their father had to remove them from our home b/c it was that bad!!! But you are different and so are these children, they are younger 7 you say - and the younger the better, I am sure you can over come any hard times with much ease compaired to our situations. We see them rarely now and when we do they try so hard to needle, pick and poke but I stand my ground, I actually feel sorry for them b/c of the way they are, with little respect and no common sense but thats not my fault and I REFUSE to allow them to ruin my happiness. Best of luck to you but remember not all step realtionships are the same, (we do get a long but it takes much from all to accomplish that). Each year I do less and less b/c I see their true nature and they don't appreciate anything anyway so I give up trying to keep the peace.

  • 1 decade ago

    My husband is 37 and I'm 25. He has two kids from a previous marriage (19 and 16). I would never regret marrying him, but the only time I regretted him having kids was when his 16 yr old daughter was living with us and was being unruly and trying to break us up constantly. The good thing you have going for you is that his kid(s) is/are young. By the time they are unruly teenagers they will have already have learned to respect you. As far as baby-mamma drama, I can't give advice. Luckily my husband's ex-wife lives in a different state and they only had to talk on the phone a few times since we've been married.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well at least you know about it and he isnt trying to hide it from you.

    I think a DNA test is good and the right thing to do.

    It does stink, but it is what it is and so far it seems it has all be handled the best way it possibly can be for the situation.

    So now - how will this impact your future kids? He has two of his own that will have to go to college and even if he doesnt see the other one , he will still have to pay for it if the DNA comes back his. IT MAY NOT.

    I think you need to look at your and his finanical potential. I would also on your own talk to a lawyer - would these exs be able to take your finances in account to get more childsupport from him? What would be your chances in getting sole custody of the children so you dont have to pay child support?

    And its the phone calls and the games - man do you really love him that much to go through all this and you havent even walked down an isle yet.....

  • 1 decade ago

    my stepmother is 35 and my dad just turned 46 ... i'm 24 and my brother is 27 when my dad met her i was 15 and a rebellious teenager. she still stood beside him and tryed to be my friend as much as i pushed her away. they have been married now for 5 years but, i truly think it has made them a lot stronger helping raise me together.

    she doesn't regret it .. i know of that.

    they just had a baby together in april so my half sister is only 8 months old ... weird i know.

    however now i have my own family my fiance and i have a 4 year old child and my fiance has an 8 year old son. i wouldn't regret marrying him i can't change the past and i love him so i accept the fact he had a child before i met him. and respect him for doing the right thing and being a father :)

    good luck but, you can only do what makes YOU happy!!

  • 1 decade ago

    My husband has an 11 year-old daughter, from a previous relationship. She's a great kid, and we get along well. The problem is her mother. This woman is a piece of work! She has 5 children from 4 different men, and always complains to me about how horrible her life is-AND, she always asks us for extra money (my husband pays child support), because "it's so hard raising 5 kids". Tough crap is what I say! So, no, I don't regret marrying him because he has a child, but sometimes I do because I have to have contact with his crack whore of an ex.

  • 1 decade ago

    Why oh why, would you even consider marrying a man who has a child who he doesnt even see? & Does he support the child? Lets face it, what you see is what you get, what happens if you become pregnant, this will be what he does to you, it will be you taking your child in for dna results, it is you who will be just another one of his babies mamas, this guy has ugly baggage & if I were you I would look in the window a little bit closer before entering the home. I decided when I was dating that I would not marry nor date a man who has children, & the reason is simple, when you marry a man with children your chance for divorce just went up 30 %, also I want to be #1! & when you have a man who has kids, the children must come first, & they had better! Men & women should not marry till their kids are older, kids need 100% attention from their mom & dads, or they will not be as successfull in life. I love kids, & I want the best for them, so let this guy be a father not a husband.

  • 1 decade ago

    It works for some people, but in my case it doesn't. My husbands 2 sons have no respect for me. They dislike me becaue I'm the one living the supposed " good life " and my daughter has daddy all the time. I understand that part, but the mother's are partly to blame for planting that seed. The hard part is that they're not really your kids and you can't dicipline them the way you would yours. No parent wants to hear that they're child is rotten, so you'd have a hard time telling your guy if something goes down. On the other hand, I have a step-father and he's GREAT! So, it just depends on the baby mamas and your guy. They will determine the outcome.

  • 1 decade ago

    I have a 22 year old step son--met his father when he was four...we've had our ups and downs as the ex was a real piece of work. It's much harder than a "regular" relationship--i.e. one that doesn't have this kind of baggage--the worst part will be the child support for you...you have no control over how it gets spent...Bottom line, I woulndn't and did

    t discount someone I loved just because he had a kid...

  • jude
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    i regretted marrying a man with kids, because life was always about his kids, it interfered with every aspect of our marriage, not to mention the financial part of always having to bail his kids out, and when i gave to my kids he threw a fit and was unkind to my children while expecting me to be kind to his. he had 6 children in all, and 3 ex wives, and when he began to do well in life they took him to court and he had to repay all of the child support he failed to do when his kids were young. it was always a constant battle over his kids, they were always so needy and even after they became adults things did not change. when i told him how i felt and told him i felt as if he didn't care for me, he admitted he didn't care for me. if i could go back in my past, and know what i know now, i would never have married him, and there would have been no grief over spending 10 years of my life with a man whose only interest in me was to better the life of his children and use me. its better to have a man who has no kids so he will devote his time and money to u, so u won't one day become resentful of all the time and money needed to raise a child.

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