Adopted and looking for any sign of Ma & Pa?

Maybe you can edit and throw in the state that you were adopted in? Laurie gave you some great advice!!

If anyone doesn't think that adoptees are "told how to feel by complete strangers" then this question is a perfect one for them! 2 complete strangers telling YOU who YOUR REAL parents are. The NERVE of some people. You don't know him from the man down the street, but would you tell anyone else who their REAL parents were when thats NOT EVEN THE TOPIC ?

The brainwashing in this world is over the top.

Baaa Baaaa Baaaaa

I'm a first mother - lost my son to adoption in 1984 - and have recently (within the last year+ been in reunion). Although there are a small number of mom's who surrendered who do not wish contact, the majority do want contact. Reunion is a tough road though - there are so many feelings - but even on the worst days when emotions are a bit raw from misunderstandings and hurt - I would never trade a minute of the few hours that I've been able to see or talk with my son. I don't want it to sound like a fairy tale, it's not, it's tough, but I want you to know that there is a lot of support for you out there for finding you first family.

Hopefully some adoptees will chime in here and give you some suggestions to help with your search.

In the meantime get your hands on some books and start reading about the feelings of other adoptees and their first mom's.

Good luck!!

The records may be sealed from the court that finalized your adoption. Your biological family may not want to be found. That sometimes happens. In order to find those records that could get you a starting place to look you would have to get an attorney to help you. You will need to know the city, state and hospital you were born as well as your birth date. They can search the court house in that area for birth certificates that match in original form. Knowing that same information for the state you were adopted to (as well as counties for both) will also help as they will help you search there as well.

If you can find something there you can then find out I'm sure the names you need as a start point. From there you will need to know the state, city, counties involved in the adoption for the actual court records- and this is where your attorney has to come in because the courts are NOT going to let you search sealed records (and they may be). You'll have to ask a family member to know this information to search. How long it will take is unknown. If something is found that is believed to be your records you'll have to appeal to the court with your lawyer to have the records unsealed and relinquished to you and for what purpose. From there you can use the information on the birth certificates and the records to search for biological family by names listed on the documents. If you are fortunate enough to find them alive and in sound mind to help, understand that even now they may not want to be found and may resist acknowledgement of you or helping you- and then again, they may not. It's just a chance you take.

Good luck and hopefully you'll find the right people and the answers you're looking for.

You and I sound very similar. I was adopted in 1981. I also always knew I was adopted and it didn't really phase me. I did a search for my birth mother when I was 21. I'm not sure where you live or how old you are now, but I was able to go through the agency I was adopted through. They still had my records, and managed to do all the searching for me. Fortunately - she wasn't that hard to track down. I learned that I had two half brothers and a half sister, but I am the oldest (she was 16 when she had me).

I can relate to wanting to have contact with your birth mom. Don't let anyone tell you who your "real" parents are - they are both your "real" parents. Believe me, I can empathize with your situation. I was lucky in being able to find my birth mom, but sadly, my birth father is no where to be found.

I hope you find what you're looking for. Just know that going to doctors offices and hospitals probably won't be able to give you what you are looking for, because they are probably (and if you're in the U.S. - they are DEFINITELY) covered by privacy protection laws.

Do you have any information at all about your birthparents? Names, town you were born in , hospital etc. You might ask your parents any information they might have that could be of help to you in your search. Contact the agency if your adoption was through one. You might also try and contact a search Angel, a person who volunteering would help you find some information. Some of them are apparently really good and can sometimes find information the adoptee is looking for even if they don’t have a whole lot to go on. You might join and adoption registry or even check some out.

Hi Wolfgrey,

Just ignore the nasties. Some people just don't get it that you can be perfectly happy with your adoptive parents but still want to know (or at least know about) your first parents. For some bizarre reason they feel threatened, and assume adopted people are the only people in society incapable of loving more than 2 people in the world.

Anyway, there are some registries, such as the International Soundex Reunion Registry http://www.isrr.net./ Firstly, you ought to sign up there.

Also, in what state did your adoption occur? Some states will give you your original birth certificate, which will have the names of your birthparent(s) on it. Alabama, Oregon, New Hampshire, Kansas and Alaska will do so. Starting in 2009, Maine will do the same. Some states, like Tennessee and Ohio, will give some adopted people their records.

eta:

AMEN, Gershom!

This is perfectly normal for you.Keep looking. Your hard work will get you results.I have a friend who was adopted and is also trying to look for her biological parents.She is having a hard time finding some information.I told her not to give up,but she is losing hope. She doesn't just want to find out who they are but she wants to have a relationship with them.I don't think it's just a good idea but I will help her anyway. She can only learn from her own mistakes.

I am so sorry you are getting some insensitive answers. People do seem to think we are trying to replace our adoptive families and 1. We are not! and 2. It's not their place to judge

Follow your heart, there are millions of adoptees who feel just as you do. Go search and fight to have your rights reinstated as an equal citizen under the law - GIVE ADOPTEES THEIR RECORDS NOW

ETA: Are you in the States or another country, it's just you said "pie hole" which makes me think you may be English? If so, you can have your records - they're yours. The UK doesn't discriminate against adoptees and hold their records hostage - yippeee, I hope you are! go get your records!

What a brave person you are!

Yes, Laurie is right, register with the ISRR. And e-mail Gershom your state.

It can be expensive, but many have had luck with

http://www.kinsolving.com/

Also, for support, come to

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum

You also might want to start reading (your wife, too). These sites have loads of information:

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

http://www.babyscoopera.com/

Some books that might help are The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier, and anything by Betty Jean Lifton.

Best of luck to you!

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