marriage problems.....advice?

My only advice is to remember that he is the lead.

There can only be an argument when two are playing.

Take his vision and help him make it happen. It will, in the long run, be better for both of you.

Dear Jess,

I wish there was an easy answer to these issues. Money and how it is handled tends to be a major issue in both Christian and non-Christian marriages.

St. Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5:21 that we are to submit ourselves to one another in the fear of God.

This is of course easier said than done. In my marriage, it has taken 5 years to devise a system that works for us and keeps money disagreements to a minimum.

I had to give a little (I'm the saver) and she had to give a little (she's the spender). Though our system is not perfect, when two people are willing to work together there is hope. It is important that BOTH of you come up with a plan for saving, spending, giving, etc. that you both agree with.

Marriages succeed when the two of you are able to apologize and forgive one another. Then you can work on the problem and not each other!

If you have difficulty working a plan that you both agree on, seek your pastor's advice, a financial counselor's advice, or send me an email with some more specifics and I'll be glad to try to help.

In Christ Jesus,

gloria-dei

Check out Dave Ramsey's website. I'd post the link but Y won't allow that anymore in this forum???

Dave is a Christian personal finance counselor with MANY years of experience helping couples and families. His radio show is massively popular, so it may be on the air in your area already and you just didn't know it!

His advice is very unconventional in these times, because it teaches ways that people don't do anymore, like putting money in savings, using a household budget, and not borrowing money. His way WORKS though. I followed his advice and got debt free back in '03... and I still am today. I'm an atheist, but I couldn't say enough great things about him and his ministry. If I saw him in the grocery store, I'd make a fool of myself hugging and thanking him for helping me get my life on the right track.

Everything he teaches is centered on the Bible, so I think you would really like it. (He's got some pretty interesting things to say about tithing too, since you mentioned it.) He's tough, but he's also very kind and understanding. He has a keen interest in the very types of marital issues you described, too. I hope you'll check his website out.

Get on a budget and strictly adhere to it. Live within your means.

Talk to a financial planner.

Get with a marriage counselor-- someone who can teach both of you *how* to argue...there's a fair way and an unfair way --

You don't say what your employment situation is-- but if you're not working, you could work, at least for awhile, to get your finances under control and have extra income to start saving.

Also, to heal your relationship, make sure you are investing in it, both time, emotions, etc., and go to church together. Pray together, spend time alone together, doing something fun...

it doesn't have to cost anything.

Regarding the car-- ask him to explain why he wants one--have him share his values surrounding the need for the car, and then share with him *your* values and why you don't see the need for one. Maybe there's a compromise situation in the middle of your respective values.

If you want to find a Christian counselor in your area, here's a website to do a search, or ask your pastor for a referral.

money and sex are the two biggest problems in any marriage

Both can be worked out but you both have to agree to work on the problem. When my wife and I first got together we had little to no money. I did not have a job when I moved out to Chicago. Well I had one but the company closed 1 month after I got here. It took me a few weeks to get another job but money was still tight and we fought about it a lot. Finally we sat down and decide what we really needed and what we really did not need. that took some time. Also we let one person handle the money (my wife) I am bad at money. But all decisions about spending the money outside of bills we talked about.

Slowly things got better. I got a better job she got a better job and we did get out of the rut. We still ahve lots of bills to pay from that time. However working hard on it we got thru it and I think its made us stronger. We now have some extra cash and she can follow her hobby and I can follow mine in moderation.

If you are really commited to this marriage you need to make him understanad that you ahve to sit down and work out a real budget of things you need to live and things that are just extras. Though a little fun money should be in there. It might be simple liek a movie once a month or every other month but its helpful

I hope this helps

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://tr.im/ar6R7

It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

It seems the Christian answer is to let him in charge because according to the bible, women don't have brains.

In real life, you need to sit down and take a close look at all your finances, work out a budget that includes a savings plan, and stick to it.

Money is the root of most fights in marriages.

Even Christians have a right to divorce. Unless this guy is super awesome at something other than making money (because he obviously sucks at that), get rid of him. Especially since he's taking out his frustration on you, continues making bad financial decisions and doesn't seem to care about your opinions.

And PLEASE don't buy into the chauvinistic pigs' advice to bend over and take it in the *** from your man because he has a penis and you don't.

Jesus preached equality, and these people have nothing to do with what he said.

As a Christian woman, I have to say I agree with the "let him lead" sentiment. I have found that as I submit to my husband (I'm not talking about being a bump on a log) that my life is much much easier.

Another thing I have found helpful is that if I withhold sex, using it as a form of punishment (I learned it from my mom) the strife in my marrage doubles or triples.

Good luck!

(I've been with my husband for 13 years, most of my life, and it's been a long and often hard road)

My main advice to you is to PRAY HARD- pray about these matters, and pray together! Everytime you have an argument go to God- and also resolve it with your husband by asking forgivness or forgiving him as well- but when money is hard (And it is with us too) you need to truly TRUST God right now with it- I have gotten better with this over the past years, and even though we are still low income, we KNOW the Lord is providing and He is! Ask for wisdom as well in how to spend your money- But please pray fervently!

Also Read 1 Peter 3:1-3 (This is for christian wives)

And remember:

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

(I have this verse on my bathroom mirror, I love putting up scriptures throughout the house, to keep my mind on God, and to remember what He says, also good for memorizing)

And also as someone said above about counseling- it would not hurt to talk to a Pastor at your church- that could really help if your husband is willing...

financial problems can be easily figured out if 2 people work together. budgetting and being a master over it, rather than it master you. pray, understand the rules of marriage and follow God's word. if you dont know it then you will have a problem.