Six Affairs???

The 1st Affair

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> A married man was having an affair

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> with his secretary.

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> One day they went to her place

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> and made love all afternoon.

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> Exhausted, they fell asleep

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> and woke up at 8 PM.

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> The man hurriedly dressed

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> and told his lover to take his shoes

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> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

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> He put on his shoes and drove home.

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> 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

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> 'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

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> 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.

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> We had sex all afternoon.'

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> She looked down at his shoes and said:

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> 'You lying bastard!

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> You've been playing golf!'

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>

>

>

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> The 2nd Affair

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> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

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> but always talked about having a son.

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> They decided to try one last time

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> for the son they always wanted.

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> The wife got pregnant

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> and delivered a healthy baby boy.

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> The joyful father rushed to the nursery

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> to see his new son.

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> He was horrified at the ugliest child

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> he had ever seen.

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> He told his wife: 'There's no way I can

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> be the father of this baby.

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> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

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> Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

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> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

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> 'Not this time!'

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>

>

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> The 3rd Affair

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> A mortician was working late one night.

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> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

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> about to be cremated,

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> and made a startling discovery.

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> Schwartz had the largest private part

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> he had ever seen!

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> 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician

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> commented, 'I can't allow you to be cre mated

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> with such an impressive private part.

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> It must be saved for posterity.'

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> So, he removed it,

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> stuffed it into his briefcase,

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> and took it home

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> 'I have something to show

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> you won't believe,' he said to his wife,

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> opening his briefcase.

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> 'My God!' the wife exclaimed,

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> 'Schwartz is dead!'

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>

>

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> The 4th Affair

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> A woman was in bed with her lover

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> when she heard her husband

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> opening the front door.

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> 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

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> She rubbed baby oil all over him,

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> then dusted him with talcum powder.

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> 'Don't move until I tell you,'

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> she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'

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> 'What's this?' the husband inquired

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> as he entered the room.

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> 'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,

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> 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it

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> so I got one for us, too.'

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> No more was said,

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> not even when they went to bed.

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> Around 2 AM the husband got up,

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> went to the kitchen and returned

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> with a sandwich and a beer.

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> 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.

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> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

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> and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

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>

>

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> The 5th Affair

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> A man walked into a cafe,

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> went to the bar and ordered a beer.

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> 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

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> 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

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> He glanced at the menu and asked:

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> 'How much for a nice juicy steak

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> and a bottle of w ine?'

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> 'A nickel,' the barman replied.

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> 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.

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> 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

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> The bartender replied:

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> 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

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> The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs

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> with your wife?'

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> The bartender replied:

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> 'The same thing I'm doing

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> to his business down here.'

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>

>

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> The 6th Affair

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> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

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> He looked up and said weakly:

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> 'I have something I must confess.'

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> 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

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> 'No,' he insisted,

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> 'I want to die in peace.

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> I slept with your sister, your best friend,

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> her best friend, and your mother!'

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> 'I know,' she replied,

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> 'now just rest and let the poison work.'