Adoption order and the desire to search....?

I was the youngest of 3 - and the only adopted - with a 13/14 yr age gap between them and me. (sometimes I felt like an only child - as my sibs moved out of home early-ish)

I always wanted to search - but put it off for many years because my a-mum got upset when I talked about wanting to know about my history etc.

Started the search at 26 - when pregnant with my first - and my a-mum had since passed away 8 yrs earlier. (still felt huge amounts of guilt for my a-mum's feelings)

Seriously searched at 35 - finding bio family - complete with married parents and 3 full sibs - all younger than me!!

(yeah - that is weird to have all these younger sibs when I was always the baby!!!)

Interesting question. Thanks.

I think that the people that genuinely don't have a desire to search already know what they want and what they don't want. Kudos to them. But for the ones that are angry about it... that get testy and vindictive about it... I think they protest a bit much... maybe it's not a sign that they REALLY want to search, but it IS probably a sign that there ARE some unresolved issues. That's why I tend not to believe people on here who fight with everybody else because they're 'oh so happy.' When these so-called 'happy' adoptees are attacking unhappy ones, then I get a little suspicious.

I'm the youngest...and I never wanted to search (though I am now). I had a REALLY rebellious older sister, also adopted, who brought up adoption all the time and threw it into my parents faces causing them great pain. I have always thought that I became the "good" daughter as a result of my sister's extreme wildness. I got good grades, athlete etc....BUT until your question, I have never considered that my sister's behavior might have effected my attitude on searching. I think this probably did keep me from searching earlier...as I did everything in my power growing up not to be like my sister who is 5 years older.

This is really an "aha" moment for me. Thanks for the question. Ya learn something new everyday!

I am not an adopted person but know several adult adoptees on a very personal level. My bioligcal children's father is adopted and so is his sister... He searched at age 43 and his sister never has.... His sister is the oldest he is the youngest.

His sister was also married to an adopted person, and he was also younger then his sister who was also adopted... He searched in his 30's and his sister has never been interested...

My cousin was the youngest but, the only child adopted... She never wanted to search at all--she was found by a sibling and has now reunited with her birth family in her mid 30's

I did search and found my birth family shortly after having my third child. My adopted mother and father were crushed, but I explained to them that I had to do it. I had three children, there were three of us given up...I just had to. Then I also told them that there wasn't any way in the world that my birth family could ever be my parents, because that's what they [adopted mom and dad] are to me. That I loved them dearly, but I had a curiousity that I couldn't disregard any longer.

My adopted mother was the same way yours was. I told my fourth grade teacher that I was adopted, and I was in huge trouble when I got home. So, my mom didn't get sad, she got mad and we were never, ever to speak of it.

I used to hold a lot of resentment toward her for that [and more], but how can you be angry at someone for trying to do the best she could, and not knowing or understanding the circumstances you came from? How can you be angry and resent someone, because they were completely ignorant of the horrible things people did to children? The only one being eaten up by that resentment was me.

I am the younger of two (adopted) children. As I answered previously, neither one of us has ever wanted to search. I do think that it would be weird to suddenly have younger siblings since I was always the baby. Has anyone else experienced this?

I started my search when I was 22. I was the youngest; my oldest brother was also adopted.

My brother is curious, but will never have enough ambition to do a search on his own. He has said that if his mother ever searched for him, he'd be receptive, but he doesn't have the desire to go through with looking for her. He is curious about her, but just not enough to go through with it.

I wonder if for us, it's more of a gender thing; it seems, and this is just an observation, that more women than men go through with the search and reunion process.

I always wanted to know and very conscious of wanting to search from age 8. I started my search at 18 and it took 20 years. My two asibs, who were not adopted from the US and have all their original info, werent interested. My asis just recently started her search though. She waited til both aparents were dead. I did go from being the youngest in my afam to the oldest of six assorted siblings.

My husband has no desire to search. His brother is 3 1/2 years older than him (they were both adopted at birth) and has searched and is in close contact with his biological family. For them at least, it's not a matter of my husband feeling as though he would hurt their mom. He has no desire because he feels his Afamily IS his family. Period.

LOJunkie- even odder to me is that while growing up (I was the baby, too, I had an older sister), I always wanted a brother- an OLDER brother. As weird as that sounds, when I was 12 or so, my mom told me I had one. She relinquished him for adoption when he was born. Man, I could have used that brother... and still could.

I just started the search for my birth parents in January. I had always wanted to search but never really wanted to let me parents know that I wanted to search...but finally i said i need to do this cause I am now 27 its getting late! And i want kids and I want to find out my medical history..so i told my parents and the search has begun! We started out by the VA dept of Social services (i was adopted by portsmouth social svcs)....any questions please IM ME or msg ill be more than happy to help....i am an only child.