Adopted persons...how do you feel when people say your adoptive parents "took you in"?

{hand raised}

The whole "take you in," "be grateful," "you were chosen" stuff is nonsense.

My adoptive parents wanted a child and were told they couldn't give birth. So they adopted. They didn't choose me. There is no baby showroom. I wasn't hand picked. I was the infant that was available when they were next on the list. (Although I do think there was some matching involved, but that's the social worker's domain, not my aparents.) They couldn't have sought ME out, because I was an infant. No one KNEW who I was yet.

People who aren't adopted make all kinds of weird and wild assumptions about how adoptees feel. I cannot know how a first parent feels. I cannot know how an adoptive parent feels. I listen to them tell me how it feels to be in their shoes. But I didn't feel special, or chosen, nor do I think I ought to feel grateful for being adopted. It would be nice if others quit trying to put feelings in our hearts and speak for us.

But I don't have much hope of that happening. Once an adopted child, always a child.

Interesting...I am one of 5 adopted kids in my family (well we are all grown now so not kids) and I have never heard the phrase "took you in" directed at me. However if I did I would totally feel the same as you. Like I was a stray puppy or cat that just kept coming in the yard so they just decided to keep me. Who are these people? You could always respond "Yeah well at least my parents got me on purpose" not nice I know but it makes me smile. Probably best to just ignore the ignorant. Instead of letting it upset you perhaps you could feel sorry for their total lack of empathy and understanding. Be proud!

I was adopted, and my parents also sought me out, it wasn't like i was wasting away in some orphanage for years, I was 2 weeks old at the time. I am very lucky to have a wonderful family who took care of my every need and never made me feel inferior.

I'm not adopted, but I did give my child up for adoption. How horrifying to think that people look at adopted children like they do stray pets. I hope to God no one ever thinks anything like that of my child. I know I certainly didn't treat my child like that. In fact, I hand picked his adoptive parents because I wanted the best possible home for him. I was incapable of caring for him, but I wanted him to be with parents who were.

I heard that a lot, too. I feel proud to tell you that my parents sought me out as well.

Honestly, I think that most of the anger and hard feelings I've read on YA concerning adoption is because of phrases such as that one. You take strays in and children aren't strays!

I was adopted too when I was a baby. Never underestimate the ignorance of the common man, but I think that's just what it is, ignorance. When ever people make comments like that I usually just ignore it, I don't think they mean to be offensive.

OMG! I am not an adoptee, I put a child up and would never say that of the parents who got her. She was chosen to be their daughter, they didn't take her in, they loved her from the moment they heard of her. (They came to my hospital room and once I was out the door with her, I gave her to them. I got to see them both hold her in the hospital and I KNOW that she is their child, not some waif!) Next time someone says that to you, tell them their parents got stuck with them, you were chosen and wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is kind of a weird question. I'm adopted and I REALLY don't care what people say. Hay, be honest with yourself; it's time for maturity. They DID take you in. That would be a TRUE fact, but you are taking that with some negative bent or slant. Why can't you be grown up enough to accept that ALL of us were TAKEN in. We were left and someone came and got us from wherever we were. I was left at a local Florida hosptial and someone came and TOOK me home. My mother recounts a great story of picking me out like grocery from among a sea of babies; it's so cute. I said how did you pick me, 'she said I shopped around and saw you and I just knew'. There is nothing bad in that.

Perhaps you need to step back from this question and QUESTION or EXAMINE your own sense of self and self-worth. You are PUTTING too much into a word. And aren't you wasting precious time worrying about SEMANTICS; word games! Yes, they wanted you, BUT YES, they also took you home, which means taking you in. You are reading negativity into the word and you should DIFFUSE the word; take the sting out by owning it. You should say "Yes, my parents took me; they are loving wonderful people and boy and I'm lucky as hell". I've had people tell me that I've had a BETTER life than they did w/ their bio-parents!

So, if you've had a good life, who cares if they TOOK you in. You see it as taking in a stray or a dog, but truthfully sweetie, we adoptees are strays. We were abandoned. I'm 36 and I've made my peace with that. I was left alone in the hospital by woman who made a wonderful choice; she showed good judgement that day; poor judgement by having sex outside of marriage and probably w/ a man who didn't want a kid, BUT great judgement in not aborting me and leaving me in a safe place; she could have killed me or left me in a garbage bag.

So get over this feeling of 'took you in'. OWN IT. A guru said when a thing ceases to disturb you, the thing will fall away of it's own weight. This means that when you are no longer moved or angered by these words, you'll find you don't even notice them and less and less you will encounter them. You attract what you believe - if you BELIEVE that this negative then you will ATTRACT situations that prove you right! So, here's to moving on and accepting reality and then looking at how great you have it AFTER being taken in by people who sought out a child and found love & a life!

Considering the fact that my adoptive parents waited on a list for over two years to get me, I would say they were the ones who were taken in.

i felt like i did not belong and i also felt like no one lloved me and that everyone hated me then i tried killing myself well yeah but now i have learned that it's a good thing and that it's not really a burden well yeah that's all i have to say i really never lived in a foster home because i was adopted at the age of 3 weeks but yea