Are people against raising children if...?

I seriously can't understand why people think that teens can't make good parents. I have worked maternity for sixteen years and have seen parents of all ages. I cannot think of one teen mother that I thought, "uh oh, she's not going to make a good mother." I will tell you what I have observed from my own personal experience as an RN in maternity.

The teen moms get on with parenting. They are very instinctive in mothering. They don't ask a lot of questions, they just seem to get what they need to do with only a minimum of instruction. They don't complain about too little sleep, or that their baby is crying. They are flexible and adjust themselves to their baby's needs.

The moms in their late thirties/early forties are sometimes just fine, but more often they are a mess. They don't seem to adjust to the demands of a newborn easily, they seem set in their ways and aren't as flexible. They become frustrated and upset easily with a crying baby. They complain about sleepless nights and don't bounce back physically from delivery and too little sleep. They seem to expect the baby to fit into their lives, instead of understanding that they will need to change their lives to fit the needs of their baby. They demand to know exactly what they can expect from their newborn and get angry when things don't go according to their expectations. They ask tons of questions, but don't really listen to the answers so I end up repeating myself over and over to them. They often express panic at taking the newborn home..."What will we do?!"

Yes, I know this sounds harsh, and I will get a million thumbs down...but I don't care because that won't change that it's still the truth. I've been doing this for a long time, and have a lot of experience. And, just in case you think I'm a 'nurse Ratched' or impatient with the older parents, I'm not. I'm very patient, because I truly see them as somewhat handicapped...I honestly believe that their age is an obstacle to them. They are past the optimum age to be having children...both physically and mentally.

I believe there's a biological reason that teens get pregnant at the drop of a hat, and fertility dramatically drops off in the mid-thirties. Younger women are better prepared physically and mentally to be mothers. It's only because of our society's complexity and people wanting careers and to travel, etc. that has made putting off parenthood so common. This phenomenon has moved the "normal" and "socially acceptable" maternal age to the late twenties and thirties. This is not what nature intended. Not so long ago teens were married and had children all the time. A woman getting to her late twenties who wasn't married with children was an "old maid" and considered past prime.

Forty years ago, a pregnant woman over 28 was classified as ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE by her Obstetrician and considered at higher risk for complications. I kid you not, that was considered OLD to be having children.

There is absolutely no reason that a teen mom cannot be a good mother, and I have seen proof with my own observations and experience as a professional that they ARE good mothers. I'm sorry, I don't know if that really answered your question, but I've been really wanting to get that off my chest.

I was a teen parent, with my bio-son. I married his father and we've been together ever since. Being a teen mom is so much more than just having money. It's about choosing to be a PARENT, that means growing up and putting away childish things. It's a sacrifice. As young parents, we missed out on so much of the "fun" stuff of being young. But that's because we chose to parent, instead of just "keep the baby." There's a huge difference between these two concepts.

If a teen or teen couple is emotionally ready to become parents, then more power to them. The money aspect should be temporary and I don't hold anything against young families needing govt assistance while they go to college, get vocational training, etc. It's more about the young people in question being able to grow up and be parents.

Edit: I have no regrets about being a teen parent. I love all of my children and my firstborn and I share a very close bond. Naturally, now that he is a teen, we are having some serious talks!

I know I'm going to get shot down for this, but until I came to this section, this topic was a tough one for me. Now, I understand that the connection between mother and child is more important. But I have reasons behind my "old" belief that teenage motherhood isn't a good thing. I DO believe there are many successful teenage mothers. I count many of them as my closest friends. However, I also know people for whom it's a very bad thing. My sister for instance. We grew up in a very abusive home. My sister had her first (of four) children at the age of 16. She carried on the family tradition of abuse to her own children. She didn't have enough life experience yet to know how to break the cycle. Her children are all alive and ok, after 17 years, but they were abused. I can't say that they would have had a better life in foster care or being adopted...kids love their mom's no matter what (I did, and my mom was psycho abusive), so which would be worse - the separation from their mother, or the abusive childhood they endured with her? And who am I to say that anyway?

Back in the 50's there was not the same "see it, want it & purchase it" attitude regardless of the ability of the adult to combine parenting a child & training a puppy. Today a poorly bred toy pup can easily be purchased by anyone with cash in their wallet, who may have questionable parenting skills & then fails to supervise the interaction between the dog & child. Not all humans should be parents & not all parents have the capability to raise a tiny puppy, with a fine skeletal structure, which left in the hands of a young child who treats it like a toy, may cause physical damage or the child could be bitten. Any dog may nip in defence, if its pushed to its threshold, because the adult failed to step in & control the behavior of the child. I would never say an absolute no, it would depend on whether the person was a responsible parent, who have made a reasoned decision to purchase a toy breed, & would keep the pup safe from the child & the child safe from the pup. In response to the comment that it is BS to hold the opinion some breeds are not suited to novice dog trainers, I would disagree. Some breeds will not cut an owner any slack if they foul up on providing it with the leadership, boundaries, obedience training, some type of problem to work its mind & socialization it must have - & it’s the dog that usually pays the price.

There are very few things harder than being a teen parent. There is so much pressure to be a good mom no matter what your age. If I had any advice for a mother who got thumbs down when she is raising her own kids successfully it would be. The only thing that matters is how you raise your kids, if you are doing your best, and meeting all your kiddos needs, who cares what anyone else has to say. I am not a teen anymore but I was once. I had a kiddo at a young age, but I love my kids as much as the next person, and I worked my butt off to be a good mom, and regardless what anyone thinks I am! I don't recommend having kids at a young age though, not because you can't be a good mom but because you haven't had the chance to be the best you!

2 more things.... one its not bad for your kids if you are young when you have them. EVEN the most successful people in the world have a young parent somewhere in there gene line. And the other, YOU can go to school as a young parent in fact they make all kinds of grants to make it possible no matter your income, there is no reason having a kiddo should stop you from meeting and exceeding your life dreams if anything it just gives you a new one!

what has age got to do with it? who's to say that a 17 year old raising a baby is going to do a worse job then a 25 year old? bad parenting has nothing to do with age. it has to do with the ability to handle it.. i'm 30 weeks pregnant im 17 trning 18 in a few months and so far i consider myself a better mother then some of the odler people i know who had kids. some of them drank smoked and did drugs while they were pregnant. i know plenty of other young moms who are doing a fantastic job and I've never seen such love as they have for there baby's. when i frist found out i had adoption shoved down my throat from every angle... a few of my friends stopped talking to me because i was keeping it.

and because this is the adoption section i'll add that i think adoption is a better idea for young girls who can't raise there children then abortion, and even better then the scary stories you hear about the young mothers who hide there pregnancy and then have them in bathroom stalls and dump them. if you can't handle the baby then give it to someone who really wants it and who will love it. but if you can handle it then go for it.

You know, when your talking about the American society, there really is no ideal of what a "parent" is. Partyly because there are so many different cultures and attitudes parenting. In my opinion, successfully raising a child deserves a thumbs up, but there are probably some people out there that think its better to have children discover things on their own. I wouldnt take it to harshly, because sombody could have down thumbed it because they were just fooling around.

When I see a young teenage mom, I mostly see mom's that are really trying. 99% are not partiers on welfare, they are people that may have found themselves in a bad situation but are trying to make the best of it, and love their child just as if they havd've been in their 20's or 30's

But, I do also see a lot of naivete, sometimes common sense isn't always so common. I'm a very firm believer in showing these moms by example, teaching them. And I believe everyone in society should have some responsibility to do the same. These woman are often still children themselves trying to raise children.

To often, I've seen people give them dirty looks, or call child protection when what they really need is someone just to show them how. Sometimes mothering doesnt just come automatically. It's time to stop judging & start helping

Very good question! This makes me so mad because my sister was a teen mother & she did a wonderful job of parenting. It's ridiculous the horrible things people say about teen mothers. I don't know if I should, but I take great offense when I hear or read such comments because of my sister. I completely agree with you.

Edit: And it also pisses me off when people ASSUME that got pregnant because they didn't use birth control! Those people must not be very educated about birth control because any form of birth control is not 100% effective. My sister used two types of contraceptives when she got pregnant with her first & was on birth control when she got pregnant with her second. People seem to be extremely close-minded about it & think that it happens in one specific way.

Edit: Hmmm...look at that...a thumbs down! You must be right about society being anti-family...apparently it's a bad thing my sister successfully raised her child as a young mother.

Ebmid2: Younger people do not generally do a worse job of parenting than older people & encouraging young mothers to raise their children is not bad for the child. My sister did a better job than plenty of older people do & it was in no way bad for my nephew.

I don't read too much into the TU/TD. I don't recall the question and the link you provide shows it's been deleted.

Anyway I would never criticize or think badly of any young couple choosing to raise their own child. Perhaps because it made reference to welfare.......which I think is OK as long as the welfare is temporary and is being used as a "hand-up" to get on their feet.

The Pleasure of Government control is a sick dilema which has existed from the beginning of time. Even during the 1600's, the oppression against a particular type of people, (later identified as a class of people), there was a Royal control on what was permissive and what was not. But even in our "New Society", we have not learned why such control must exist. Especially since we are supposed to be a better educated group of people. This discontent within the structure of our up bringing leads us to remember how the greatest strength of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed. And it is perhaps through such understanding that we might be able to figure out what the real reason is behind societies beliefs and ill directed actions. We must evaluate with the thoughts of Aristotle who always asked; Where is the story or informtion from?; Is it true or is it opinion?: Will this information effect my life in any way?.. This is what he figured would direct his thoughts and concerns in society. Maybe we should learn from our old teachers, even if they haven't been around for over a millenium of time...