A love poem I wrote. Do you like it?

Question

Your Paradox 
 
i have felt the torrent of merciless rivers flowing from your lips...
crashing against me from your paradoxical deep
i cling to tides anchored by illusion
holding on to the lifeboat of neverending promises
holding on with everything i've got
ignoring the agonized echoes of your maybes which become my nevers
still your essence ignite fires within me
raging so uncontrollably even the iceberg which is you cannot extinguish
i find myself lost within your merciless rivers
crashing against me from your ambiguous deep
and these moments found using weighted dice lets me know i have lost all wagers 
as i drown in your muddy water from sweet suffocation

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think with a little work it could be very good.
Nice work:)

Spectre O · Answer

good poem. I get the impression its a love that is not shared by the subject as deep as the author's.

See how they run · Answer

Capital letters makes it easier to read other then that it's quite good.

Grumpy Old Man · Answer

,I have rarely read such a good description of the anguish of love, maybe real maybe not   I to have felt that burning desire that transcends everything. |I have also felt the bitter disappointment of control

Anonymous · Answer

good job

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A love poem I wrote. Do you like it?

5 Answers