Wierd situation with my "best" friend?

Don't take this the wrong way, but you may be over-reacting.

I have lots of very good friends that I've had for decades where we fell out of touch for six months or longer. Life happens. Gee, let's see - he got married and is suddenly responsible for four kids. Busy much, ya think?

Also, you mention that you had a negative reaction to his new wife. Chances are, even if you didn't say anything, he probably sensed your disapproval. Would you want to hang out with someone who disapproved of your wife and thought that you were being either stupid or blind for staying with her?

If you want an explanation, ask for one. Don't approach him with accusations, though, or you'll just be asking to lose the friendship entirely. A casual, non-judgmental, "Hey man, long time, no see. What's up with that?" will be enough. Depending on his answer, you'll know whether he really values the friendship or not. He may have a very good reason why he's been out of touch, so don't act like a jerk about it right off the bat.

Sometimes the best of friends lose their way. You should go ahead and call him. He must truly see you as a great and reliable friend if he is calling you in a time of need. Unless of course you have always given him monetary help and that is what he is wanting now. As to him disappearing when he got married after coming home from the war. I can only imagine the things that he went through over there, she was probably his guiding light through it all. It very well could be that she kept him going and looking forward to coming home. It may be that for the past 6 months he has come to realize that he made a mistake. But you won't know if you don't call him. If you are the friend that you say you are then you should give him a chance to explain his situation. I don't have personal experience with the going to war issue but I have heard numerous times that it changes people. It probably took him some time to realize that he pushed the people that cared about him away. Good Luck I really hope you can get back to being good friends again.

You were "best" friends for 20 years with a strong enough bond between both of you to reconnect a few years later. Your friend seems to be in a bad spot right now, and when someone who has been in your life for that long clearly needs help you should be there for them. Maybe someday you too will need to make that phone call out of the blue and it would be nice to think that someone will pick up on the other end of the phone. Good friends are hard to come by no matter what they do, where they go, who they marry, why they leave. If someone needs your help you should be there, even if you feel you can't help with whatever it is they need, picking up the phone and listen - it won't take a lifetime to do and certainly isn't worth close to a lifetime of friendship and great memories.

I am currently experiencing something similar. A good buddy of mine and I were thick as thieves. All the way up until a year or so ago. He was seriously dating some girl and they got married back in September. Since then I only hear from him if he needs something and I pretty much never see him. Marriage is a weird thing; your buddy has a new best friend, his wife, and with FOUR KIDS, I am sure his spare time is VERY occupied. It is nothing against you, he just has a new life and does not know how to balance that with his friends.

Don't bail on him, let him know you are there for him - I am sure he will need your support. Good luck!

What do you want from the guy??? He has a family now! He can't be out there kickin it like a bachelor any more. If he is the friend that you say he is then you will respect his decision to be with this girl and realize that as a married man with 4 step children, work, and life, he may not have as much time for you as you would like. Also if he is a friend from way back then there should be no excuse for you to not help him in his time of need. At least call the guy back and see what he wants. If he is just looking for cash or something lame like that, then I might also be concerned. What if it is something serious though??? What if he needs help ditching the girl he married. ??? CAll him asap!!! A REAL friend would!!

I understand how you see it. After the honeymoon, he had to go back to Iraq, right? Do you know the stipulations for contact where he is, IF he had to go back? If so, take the proper steps and ask him why he treated you as he did. He MAY NOT have noticed, and you'll know "once-and-for-all." On the other hand, if he didn't go back to Iraq: How long ago did the incident between you occur? All things "blow over" with time. Depending on the space of time, "gather up your boot straps" and confront him. You'll feel better and may save a friendship you felt was lost. Good luck!

he was just newly married AND back from Iraq--4 kids take a lot of time, especially getting used to one another--give him a break and call--you can get answers when you talk to him--just don't do it in an accusatory tone--after 20 yrs, it would be a shame to end a friendship over something like that--my best friend of 40 yrs and I lost contact for 12 yrs--yet when we saw each other again, it was like old times and we haven't looked back--if he has been busy trying to settle back into American life, getting married,kids and dealing with Iraq, then it is understandable--please, try to be understanding and listen--he may want help, but it also may be something else that he needs from you, only you might know him well enough now to know for sure--and don't forget--there is a good possibility that he has changed because of Iraq. Good luck

First of all 1. what kind of help? why call wife not you?

2. you don't need a favor friend, only calls for you when he needs something.

3. IF you want to find out ask him, details who, what, how, why, when? What's the deal.

4. Either try to make the friendship work or he might be too envolved with kids $ wife $ time , tired, and not have time for life, or friends outside, find out the situation the details first, I've had this happed before where 12 years of friendship they get married and they forget about you, his wife might be his "best" friend now

Call him back! The important thing is he thought of you when he DID need help. I would talk to him though about hanging out too. I agree with everyone else that he's probably been really busy. Have you called HIM and asked him to do anything? He may have felt your disapproval about his getting married. Do you have kids too? Maybe you guys could get together and have a BBQ or something.

Don't let anger be the reason that you don't call back. ... You don't know why he needs help at this point. It may be related to the new wife and her kids - or it may be that his re-adjustment to being a civilian again. The fact that he called your wife (rather than you) seems to point to the fact that he's uneasy about calling and asking for help. ... It I were you, I'd call him. Hear him out. Be honest with him that you were surprised and upset that he just fell out of touch for six months. See what sort of help he needs (place to stay, money, etc) and decide if it's something you can help with (and see if you think he's being honest with his explanation of what help he needs and why). Just because you listen doesn't mean that you are beholden to providing the help he's asking for. But after 20 years of friendship it seems to me that you owe it to the friendship to at least listen. ... You'll know from there if the friendship can and should continue or if it's done.

Good luck.