Insecure, controlling husband...need "helpful" advice please?

well...........after 18years....i know from experiance as well THis is not something that cropped up over night either. He was this way from the get go and You knew it , and accepted it now these 18 yrs . SO.....in honesty you have a few choices to make . YOU can either shut your eyes and your mouth and accept this as you have been doing.......OR ..You cando as He does . Do what You need and want to do for yourself . He cannot stop you from going to college...No more than you could stop him from doing what he has wanted to do........

Marraige is a TWO-WAY street....not a one way one as some would suppose . Two individuals have different asperations and goals.........and it should be a Together propisition to obtain those goals . Now YOU have bore the kids and taken care of them to the point they can rely somewhat on their own....and YOU have more time to Stretch out for tyhe goals You left behind for him..........

He will either have to accept it and go along......OR ..Move along........That dear is Your choices.....and or his..........

ONLY , You can make up your mind..to either continue in bowing down.......or standing up for a change . YOU helped his insecurities........and you have gave him the esteem to do so..with Your Blessings..........Its time you started being a woman and him a man.........otherwise..........it will never change...........As you have so elegantly let us know , by the 18 years and doing nothing else about it is acceptable quote !!

I dont believe in divorce either......However dicatorship should have been put away within the first month....NOT 18 years later !!

Its your life to . And he can either accept it or whine about it.......again ONLY You can do something about it !!!

Leaving is ALWAYS an option but just one you can't afford to take.

I don't know what you expect any of us to say you have been living with this for 18 years and now you want advise by leaving is not an option.

Counseling - why would he go for that?

Separation - oh that is part of leaving

Demand respect and dignity - well it would be a change after 18 years - try it....do you have an ace up your sleeve?

My dear you have painted yourself into a corner that you need to get out of - instead of cutting off opening you should look at all possibilities and move from there.

He sounds like a childish controlling insecure boob...leave him, try to change to adapt to him, try to change him, fight it, live with it or .....

First PRAY! take online classes, got to home depot clinics, read books on subjects you like. Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you can't empower yourself! Whatever he is not giving you, give your self! (encouragement, attention, affection etc). You have a choice to listen to him or yourself....stop being a victim and be a victor! educate yourself. A SAHM is a blessing not a prison sentence so use your resources. when those kids nap and your house is quiet you learn. Validate yourself....You are approved by God and his opinion is the only one that matters any way. Pick up your Bible and see what God has to say about you. satart confessing you are the head and not the tail, you are above and not beneath...do it everyday..Don't let the devil steal your joy. Get in a good Bible based church......be encouraged.

Not being the "bread winner" does not devoid you of fiscal value. Going to school is not the real issue. The real issue is lack of partnership in financial matters.

Have you tried going to counseling to kick off communications?

My wife and I have "date night", we leave our teens on friday night and go to the IHOP or village inn for coffee. We attend Financial Peace University class weekly and have weekly budget meetings.

You being a one income family means one person brings in the money, the other person needs to recognize the monetary value of the stay at home parent.

being the "man of the house" does not mean he can't grow up. His view of reality is skewed somehow..

Are you all in debt? or making ends meet?

Who keeps the check book. Control comes from lack of power. Money is often a problem.

College is expensive. But dreams are important, his, yours and joint dreams. And the best thing to do is to see if the dreams can co-exist.

Encourage your 17 yr old to register and go on to college. Your husband needs some counseling. Tell your husband you love him, you are not going to leave him, but you have dreams of doing more with your life now that the kids are older. Tell him you will work around his schedule and not take night classes, so you can be home for him.

YOU need some therapy to find out why you would stay in such a situation for 18 years.

Go to school, and if you can't afford it, get a part-time job---what's he going to do? Leave you? Not likely. YOU enable him to be the jerk he is.

Sorry I can't be more "helpful" than that, but you say leaving is not an option, so stay and deal with it.

It sounds like you are willing to deal with it. After all, you've done it for 18 years. You are not going to change him after that long. Leaving may not be an option for you, but he might if you start changing the rules after 18 years.

Let your son go to college. Do not weigh him down.

It is a shame this man is a father of four.

Is it really true you women just keep having kids to make your man feel more "secure?"

I am sorry but pretty much any "leaving is not an option" question is a bunch of bull.

Well, if leaving is not an option, then he indeed has all the control. Leaving is your only real option, your only real leverage. Discounting that from the get go, you might as well just accept living as a kept woman.

Then take a stand and do it. What's he going to do...leave you?

And if he does...so what? It'll provide you with the chance to become more independent. Fail to do so and plan on living this life until the day you die.

Not a pleasant prospect at all is it?