Crazy Mother Problems...?

y'all can play that poor kids not knowing grama crap all you want to, but if my mother was an abusive individual who was so bad i didnt even want contact with her no way in HEII would my kids be going to stay anywhere with her, and honestly i really wouldnt care if they never got to know her, just because someone is related to you doesnt mean it is in your best interest to be around them.

maybe you will get lucky and you telling her no about the kids staying will give her a hint and she will stop.

the kids cant be hurt over someone they dont know. all you are doing is keeping her from doing the same thing to them that she did to you.

As far as wording goes I am not sure, but given that she was abusive I can see why you may still have resentment towards her and no desire to have a relationship with her. But do you think it's possible that after all these years she may have changed some? I'm just wondering and not meaning to offend you there but people can and do change. She seems to be well meaning right now, but if you are still not comfortable with the idea of her in your life then I understand that completely. I was sexually abused by another girl when I was 5 (my abuser was 13) and I have to tell you to this day if I saw her I would tremble and be scared because of the memories from the past. I can relate on that level.

Let her know that if she wishes to send the kids cards for birthdays and occasions she can, but because of the past you feel that at this point you cannot have a close relationship with her. Leave it at that and you do not have to respond to her after that.

I'm so sorry she was abusive though. I never had to endure an abusive parent so I don't know that pain, but my heart goes out to you for the abuse you suffered at her hands.

I would write her a letter and just let her know that you do not wish to have a relationship with her and you do not wish for your kids to have one either. She has made choices in her life that were unacceptable to you and you feel it's best to just leave things the way they are. You wish her well and thank you for the presents.

Short and sweet.

is there any chance she has changed or woken up to her self if you spoke to her and asked her why now whats changed where has she been for the last 2 years would she be honest and tell you Ive been in the same boat with my mum we never spoke half my life she never had anything to do with my kids or i should say only when she felt like it she was never there for me but she was there for my one of my sisters and my brother but no me and my other sister i always wondered what i did to deserve it i haven't spent Christmas with her since i was 14 she never sent my kids cards for birthdays but she started sending them Christmas presents a couple of years ago but they don't care for her much anyway there not bitter they just don't know her but sometimes don't you think it would be nice to have a mum like a Sept 06 when i had my last child i had to have a Cesar and thought gee it would be nice right now if mum was around she would have run to my sister if it was her but oh well my niece came to live with me for a year last year because she was in trouble long story but all of a sudden mum was around all the time like nothing had happened because i had my niece other wise theres no way she would have started to come around well me and her started to get along OK and we still do i suppose i just always hope family's can make up but i would want to know in your case if your mum is for real is she but do you want her around are you hoping somewhere deep inside that things can work out with your mum or do you just want her to go away if that's the case write the letter but if you want or hope things can work out think ring so you can hear if shes being honest in her voice good luck its not easy

I wouldn't write a letter...I'd call. Sit down, write out what you want to say and call her. You'll feel 100x better saying out loud what you want to say than just writing it.

I would say that because of your relationship with her as a child and her attitude and behavior toward others, you're not interested in starting a relationship with her again or her starting a relationship with your children. You have worked hard to teach them morals, values and respect and have given them strong parental relationships to fall back on. They do not NEED or DESERVE someone who isn't going to do the same and because of this, you want to no longer be in contact with her.

I had a similar relationship with my mother. She was verbally abusive my entire childhood and never had anything good to say to me. ALWAYS negitive. I couldn't wait to graduate high school and get the hell out her house. I graduated high school in 1983 and didn't hear from her again until 2000, when she was informed by one of my siblings that my ex husband and I were separating because he had become abusive. At that point in time she tried to contact me...she wrote letters, e-mails and even tried to call a few times. In her letters she spoke of how she wanted to have a relationship with me again, be supportive and start one with my son, Lucas, who was almost 11yrs at the time. After a year of dodging her letters and calls, I called her and listened to her rant and rave about her life over the past 17yrs, how she wanted contact etc. I told her exactly what I told you to say above. My son needed supportive and trusting people in his life...my mother just couldn't be one of them. I then hung up. She called me twice after that and then finally stop calling. I haven't spoken to her since. I am 12yrs my brother's senior and he still talks to her and updates her and here and there about myself and Lucas, but I never speak to her.

Good Luck

i have one like yours she lives in iowa about 3 hours away....last time i saw her...she told me i looked like crap....the whole way home i kept asking my hubby is there something wrong with my make up or clothes he said no...the only time she really wants to talk to me is when she needs something...i m starting to give up ....this is my mother im talking about ...on easter i called her at 9;00am she didnt answer...so i called again at 8:30 pm she answered and was really bitchey with me ...so i hung up...i feel like you do ....it makes me cry...im not gonna try anymore...im done i cant take her abuse....its a really hard thing to do ...best of luck

I am a child, and my parents fought with another family member. PLEASE: for the sake of the children, make up! I am sorry, and I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. I cry at night, because of this and it hurts, a lot. Even if you don't talk about it, knowing that your parents hate (even if you don't you act like it, even if you don't mean to) their parents. Sorry if it was rude, but that's my opinion.

Your kids don't know her? Sounds like a good thing. Keep it that way.

I think you should leave it as it is. You sent the right message when you told her no, I think that's enough.

thats sad that you said no because that means your children cant know there grandmother and that sounds wrong thats fine if you dont want anything to do with her but why make your children too? why not let them visit there grandmother i bet they would love it