short jokes?

teacher to little johnny, where was you yesterday? little johnny, miss l had to have the day off as my dad got burnt.. teacher all apologetic said, sorry to hear that, was he burnt bad? little johnny replied, they dont f**k about at the crematorium.

two fish in a tank, first fish looks at the second fish and says do you know how to drive this bugger?

wife said to me l ain't got anything to wear to the fancy dress ball, so l said l'll get her something to wear , typically then l forgot all about it untill my wife reminded me on the evening we were suppose to be going, l went to her wardrobe and got out a pair of black socks, and black mittens, what do you expect me to do with those? take your clothes off , put the socks on and the mittens, and then you can go as the five of spades. she wasn't amused. l think telling her to take her clothes off and pull her f***y lips over her head, then she could go as a sugar puff didn't help much... you can't please some people can you