Spike H

have you been in a hire car,or borrowed a car and needed to put some fuel in, pulled into the garage straining to look what side the fuel filler cap is on the vehicle. after driving for close to thirty years l discovered a trick today what l'd like to pass on, if you look at the fuel gauge in the car at the symbol of the petrol pump, what ever side the nozzle is protruding from pump is the side the filler cap is on the vehicle. try it works

they fit into the bottom of the i pod and allow the i pod to be married to the car radio

a friend has just informed me that all lorries and vans have to be younger than 02 to work in the London area, he said if the vehicles are older than that they incorporate a fine of £100. l can't see how they can enforce this as so many works vehicles in that area are older than 02. he was pretty serious about the issue. can anybody shed some light on the subject.

they are a settlement of woods people, who speak a broken french style language, the music they play is really catchy, it's similar to barn dance music with a twist.

l'm trying to find a seat for a Yamaha RD 250, any help locating one for sale would be much appreciated, l've tried E bay, and local papers. Even if l could find the metal base plate l could have it recovered, Any sensible suggestions would be most welcome.I'm situated in the south east of England

IS THERE ANY MAN UTD FANS LEFT WHO ARE NOT AWARE THAT LIVERPOOL WON SOMETHING FIVE TIMES IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS,

hopefully it will be a long time yet, but who do you think would make a ideal replacement for sir alex? how could anyone step into the big mans shoes. how can you follow up on perfection?

which team in the premiership has the best football pitch? personally l thaught it was liverpool, but then had to disqualify them as they put s**t out on theirs every weekend.

before you crucify me l like liverpool.. l go there regulary to visit my hub caps.. liverpool are expecting a big gate this weekend, its to replace the one they had nicked last weekend.

back to the question who's pitch is the best in the premiership? got to be old trafford, but what do you reckon?

on a trip to wales l went into a pub and got talking to some of the locals, all of a sudden a right ugly bugger came into the bar, l began to laugh to myself, but the locals said you must not laugh at taffy as he's a national hero around here, l asked why and was told that when taffy worked down the mines, there was a cave in. taffy stood with one of the main ceiling struts balanced on his head whilst all the men and pit ponies were lead to safety, l was feeling ashamed that l laughted at him when he came into the bar, is that why he's face is deformed l enquired.. no thats where the hit him with the shovel three times to wedge him under the ceiling strut.

teacher to little johnny, where was you yesterday? little johnny, miss l had to have the day off as my dad got burnt.. teacher all apologetic said, sorry to hear that, was he burnt bad? little johnny replied, they dont f**k about at the crematorium.

two fish in a tank, first fish looks at the second fish and says do you know how to drive this bugger?

wife said to me l ain't got anything to wear to the fancy dress ball, so l said l'll get her something to wear , typically then l forgot all about it untill my wife reminded me on the evening we were suppose to be going, l went to her wardrobe and got out a pair of black socks, and black mittens, what do you expect me to do with those? take your clothes off , put the socks on and the mittens, and then you can go as the five of spades. she wasn't amused. l think telling her to take her clothes off and pull her f***y lips over her head, then she could go as a sugar puff didn't help much... you can't please some people can you

usual question about diesel engine starting problem first thing in the morning, l have replaced glow plugs, glow plug heater relay, the fan control unit on the passenger inner wing, checked all the visable fuses in the fuse box, but l have no power to the busbar which goes to all the glowplugs, any idea where the power comes from which feeds the busbar, l was told it was the fan control unit, but l've changed that as well, any help would be appreciated

blind man goes for a job in a timber yard, he hands his application to the boss and is met with the reply that he couldn't give him a job as he couldn't tell the difference between the various types of wood. The blind man explains that when he lost his sight, his sense of smell improved so much that he could tell the difference between the types of wood by its sense of smell. the boss said that he would blindfold him and if he could indeed tell the difference by smell alone the job is his. the man was blindfolded and first piece was put under his nose, elm he said, right, next peice oak, next peice teak, next mahogany.. all correct. the secatary said l'll catch him out, and pulls down her knickers and lays on the table in front of him, he takes a good sniff and declares he wasn't sure, take another sniff the boss said, still no good the blind man said, turn the peice of wood over and try, the lady turns over and he tries again... got it he said IT'S A TOILET DOOR OF A RUSSIAN TRAWLER.