my 13 yr old?

Think back to when you were 13. It's probably one of the hardest times in a girl's life. They're not little girls anymore, but they are not "real" teenagers either. Their hormones are raging all over the place. They have all kinds of friend problems and drama in school.

Instead of punishing her, try to get to the bottom of why she doesn't want to go to school, first. Maybe something is going on there that is really upsetting her. Maybe she's being bullied or teased. Set aside some Mom/Daughter time, and take her for a ride and a special lunch or picnic or something. Chat with her about school and why she hates it. Really, really listen to everything she says. Sometimes all they want at this age is someone to listen. She may even solve some of her own problems just by talking them out with you.

If you listen, I'll bet SHE will be a better listener.

Physically take her to class first of all. If you have to sit there for all 7 or whatever periods, it is your job to do that as a parent. She'll hate it enough that you won't have to do it for long. I know you probably have to work, but don't let on that it's a big deal to go to school with her EVERY day and make sure she knows that you're willing to do that until she graduates.

You also need an alarm system on your windows and doors. A child this rebellious either has or will leave without permission or have people over without permission in the night.

If she were mine (and do realize I'm extremely strict) I'd remove everything from her room except her bed and a school desk and most definitely make sure there's no lock on the door. Even on the weekends, no tv, phone, or friends. If this means you have to remove the tv from your home or put your computer in your room, so be it.

The key is to be consistent here. If you have to be a police officer, be the best one in the city. Soon she'll want her mom back, but it'll be a battle. You didn't give birth to her because you wanted another friend, you had kids because you felt you could be a parent. Nobody ever prepared you for this, but you can rise to the challenge. She'll thank you later, and even if she doesn't, you'll know you did right by her. It's hard, but you can do it!

It sounds to me like you two are disconnected and you need to re-connect with her. Sit down at a quiet time and talk to her,find out what is going on with her, tell her how much you love her and want to be there for her. Explain that you want to work together with her rather than fight with her. Come up with some agreements as to what you would like her to do around the house. listen to what she has to say and her input.

You realy need to talk to her. Punishment is not always the answer. There could be some big things going on with her that punishment will not change. She is 13 and going through alot of emotions right now. Be there for her but be firm, you are still the parent and while you need to be there for her, you also need to let her know your relationship is a give and take one not a give give give and get nothing in return one.

Sapphire you have been reported, you are disgusting. I also can't believe people are suggesting putting a 13 yr old over the knee and spanking her. The ignorance around here kills me and I can only hope these people are not really parents.

Consistency is the best advice. There are times when parents need to reach out to professionals for guidance. But before that make sure nothing serious has happened at school or elsewhere, e.g., bullying, assualt, that could cause the defiance.

At 13 a kid is trying to become independent and does not look to the future or the concerns of parental advise. Perhaps contacting your local mental health center with adolescent programming will help you to find ways to motive her. Also you can request by Federal law that the school provide counseling/testing with a psychologist to determine what, if anything, the school can do.

My 13 year old son was very much like this a little while ago. I made him go to his room right after school and stay there until school the next day. He was only allowed out to go to the bathroom or get something to eat/drink. He had to open his door and ask if he could come out to do these things first. I also did not let him use the phone, and I took his TV, stereo, and game systems out of his room. He must have been pretty bored as after 3 days I nticed an improvement in his behavior. He had to be on good behavior for 3 days stright to start earning some of the things back for his room. After 2 weeks of this, his attitude improved greatly. Trust me, it was pretty tough on me too, but you have to stick to the rules you have set. If you don't, your child will know that you won't stick to the punishments set out, and they will continue to misbehave. My son still gets out of line sometimes, but what 13 year old doesn't?!

Sounds like your daughter is depressed. This is hormonal changing times and it may be really affecting her. But you should ask for more professional help, because if she is depressed, it can only get worst. Also you dont know if was bullied in school, or suffering from peer pressure...there are many problems kids face at this age, on top of their body's changes as well. So talk to her, like a friend, not a mother/daughter and if she does not respond then go for more professional help like a psychologist.

Talk with your daughter's counselor at school, and teacher. There might be a problem as simple as a boy she's got a crush on, to a major problem such as clinical depression. Look at what she's doing, reading, watching, and see if there are clues to a pattern.

My son did this, and I point blank asked him, what can I do to make you happy? Of course, he didn't answer, so I told him if there was anything I could do, to write it down and post it on the fridge.

At 13, kids go through phases, and it's probably just that, but, but careful with the warning signs that teens put out. Now, as my son has matured more, we just got done with him helping me over a 3 day weekend, as I worked at a motorcycle rally. Our times are getting better as he's getting older, and getting done with those idiotic phases.

Have you asked her why?

There has to be a reason why. Is she being picked on? Does she find school difficult? Is she feeling ignored or conflicted? She can be having a problem that has nothing to do with you and you're the one she's going to take it out on.

Get to the root of the problem and then do what you can to help her. Don't take "nothings wrong" as an answer. My daughter tried that with me last year so I told her I wasn't leaving her room until she talked to me. I got on my jammies and laid in bed with her until she cracked. I found out that one of her friends was having problems with her parents and cutting herself to feel better and my daughter wanted to help her, but didn't know how to.

We had a good long talk and then she knew that helping her friend meant convincing her to tell her parents she was cutting and getting professional help. She did, and things are much better for her.

Make sure your daughter knows you're there for her to talk no matter what. Then when she wants to, drop everything to make it happen. Teenage years are tough.

Ask her whats wrong. Just talk to her.It sounds to me as though she may be having a problem at school with work or maybe a student or teacher at school. Go have a confrence with her teacher and find out how she's doing at school It will help. But also she is a teenager now. and we all know what that means, it regret the way I acted as a teen, but we all do the whole hate the world nothing is fair ect. thing as teens

Good luck

Do you remember being 13 ? I do and it sounds an awful lot like your daughter !! and I can tell you it didnt get any better for my parents until I was well on my own and a mother myself !!!! Good luck !! I have the utmost respect for parents with teenage daughters . I personaly do not believe I could handle it so I stopped with the first one as he was a boy !!!