Do women feel "boys" will become "men" when they become married?

Hey Bryan,

Anyone who marries thinking a boy will become a man by doing so will find themselves in divorce court - and older.

Good morning to you too!

I think the time a man truly matures is more likely when he becomes a father, not a husband... It is the one responsibility you cannot (or at least should not) walk away from... You can change careers, get divorced etc. but once a father, always a father...

I find where becoming a father does not instill maturity, little would... Those are people truly dedicated to immaturity... They will remain so until the bitter end...

Obviously, simply getting married and/or reproducing does nothing intrisically to change an individual.

To my mind (and this is just me) the definition of "a Man" is:

A Man gets it done. A Man takes care of business. A Man does not complain about his life, because it's the life he made. A Man is a staple of support for those he loves. A Man never feels put out by providing for his Family, because it gives him purpose.

This is just one type of "Man" and clearly beyond simply "an adult male." These are things I never realized until I had a Family of my own.

However, there is certainly nothing wrong or faulty with an individual who does not yet, or chooses not to, have a family. Everyone has to live their own life, and I am not one to look down my nose at anyone who chooses not to live a life such as I have chosen.

Not at all. Boys become men when they do reach a certain level of financial responsibility, emotional stablility, but most of all when they recognize what they want and live in that direction. Just as a woman does not need a man to complete her, neither does a man need a woman to complete him.

In a relationship sense, I've found that boys become men when they stop playing the stupid little high school games (whatever they are) and decide what they want from a relationship. I was engaged to a man who had a child from a previous marraige and was financially wealthy, but he was a child emotionally. At first it was endearing but luckily before I married him I'm glad I realized he just needed to grow up!

No, marriage doesn't make men or women grow up and become an adult. If you're childish and selfish before you marry, you'll still be childish after marriage. Unfortunately, some people hide who they are until after you marry them. No one changes unless they want to change; and often, it's a change you don't want! I never had kids, but I still feel like I'm a responsible, productive adult. I was married once, that was enough.

In my opinion, a boy becomes a man the same way a girl becomes a woman - when they live on thier own and prove they can support themselves. This was the acid test of my growing up, I know that, so I respect it when I see it in other people. I know lots of people (men and women) who, if the relationship breaks up, will go back to their parents, so I don't think there's anything about marriage or long term relationships that automatically changes a person into an adult, but rather how well they can stand on their own two feet :-)

Good morning! I feel like these days everyone wants boys to be "men" but then women put them down all the time and act like they're stupid. (In most TV shows these days women are shown as the smart ones who tell their stupid men what to do.) I think a real man is someone who is honest and has integrity -- regardless of whether he's married or not.

If a male is not yet mature, a marriage license is not going to magically make him so. I've met men who are mature at 18 years old, and I've met men in their 50s who still have the mentality of teenagers. (I have a 52-year-old cousin who still gets drunk and totals cars, lives with his father and can't hold down a job.)

I think what makes a man is more a matter of taking responsibility for himself, playing to his strengths and recognizing his weaknesses, not blaming others for his misfortunes and respecting others. Some men wouldn't make good husbands and fathers and recognize that fact, so they don't get married...which is the mature thing to do.

Good morning.

A woman who believes that a "boy" will become a "man" simply by virtue of marriage is deluding herself.

Accepting adult responsibility hits people at different times. That means doing something because it has to be done, even if it means sacrificing a personal pleasure in order to do it. Marriage simply presents many more opportunities to display this level of adult responsibility.

Marriage has nothing to do with maturity.

I consider a man to be a man when he can support himself, look after himself, feed himself and keep his home clean.

If mummy or wifey does all this for him...well he's not the kind of person I consider a man.