Explaining to a 16 yo she will never have kids?

That sounds a bit like Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. But women with it do have kids. It usually requires heavy duty fertility treatments.

Despite what the doctor is telling you now, I would still try to be optimistic with her. People have been diagnosed with a lot of things and overcame the predicted obsticles.

Also, you don't know where science and medicine will be 10 - 15 years from now when she's ready to have kids.

And if worse comes to worst and she someday finds it impossible, there is great joy in adoption. She shouldn't have any trouble with this if she does get that law degree!

There are ALWAYS options.

I was also 16 when I was diagnosed with a chromosome mutation that meant (A) I would never physically "develop" without the aid of supplemental hormones, (B) I would never have my period without the aid of supplemental hormones...

and (C) my ovaries were (at best) the size they were when I was born.. there was NO hormones or pills that could change that, that could make me produce eggs and have children..

So I know what your daughter is facing....maybe worse

Yet it's still hard for me to advise you directly as to how to help your daughter through the trauma of learning this.. It was very very hard for me.. Not so much the never having my own biological children part.. there's always adoption.. but the feeling like a "freak" But the infertility is very traumatic as well..

based on what you've described, there is still SOME hope for your daughter to be able to have children.. I advisee strongly that you don't take that away prematurely by the medical decisions you make together.. she would always have the "what if" in the back of her mind.. "What if it would have been okay" I hope this makes sense.. what I'm saying is there is a BIG difference between "you MAY have to have a hysterectomy at a young age" and "to save yoru life/health, you need one NOW.. absolutely 100%" Doctors are often overcautious, and want to make sure you're prepared for the worst.. you both need to understand that it does NOT mean hers will be a "worst case" senareo..

That said.. Of COURSE she needs to understand the very high likelihood that she won't have children.. there is no point in downplaying this or hiding it from her.. but she needs to know that you're going to fight for her and not "give up" too easily.. a 16 year old, trust me, feels so "powerless" do make medical decisons for themself.. she needs to know that you both are on the same page and that you support what she wants..

But she needs to understand and deal with the fact that she may have to sacrifice her reproductive abilities for her health..

I hope some of this made sense.. I suggest talking to her before the doctors.. so she will be prepared and both of you can have questions ready.. I don't think she'd appreciate it if she knew that you knew something she didn't about HER, and you didn't tell her when you could have..

Just be sensitive, encouraging, supportive, and let her know you're ready to fight for her fertility, if that's what she wants..

EDIT

And WOW.. the idea that she could save eggs for later.. that is a GREAT suggestion on the part of the other answerers.. The hope of still being able to have her own biological children.. trust me.. that should go a LONG way in helping her accept all this.. If only I had have had NEARLY the hope that your daughter does.. I never had a smidgen of hope.. not a tiny bit...

I would wait until you go back to the doctor, maybe there is a chance they can remove the cysts! I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 13, put on the pill to regulate my cycle and told I would never have kids. I was upset but at age 20 I met a divorcee who had custody of his 2 yr old boy, I settled figuring that would be the closest chance of being a mom. WRONG, I got pregnant ON THE PILL at 21=) I had the baby, got divorced, reunited with my high school sweetheart when he was 2 and got remarried. We decided we would love to have a child together but, had our doubts whether Jonathon was a fluke or what. We had the mindset, if we get pregnant GREAT, if not we would keep trying. 3mos later I got pregnant yet AGAIN=) When my second son was 3 weeks and my oldest 3.5 yrs I had a massive stroke. After all that I went on the Depo-Provera shot, thinking if I did get pregnant there would be complications due to meds from my stroke! Low and behold I got pregnant yet AGAIN and on the shot. So 2 of the 3 were conceived on b/c when I was told I'd never have them to begin with!!=)} The doctors predictions AREN'T always correct, so if the Dr. tells her, please share my story!!

GOOD LUCK IT MAY END HAPPILY:})

EDIT:

FYI, I just got a hysterectomy at age 36, I only had to have 1 ovary removed, so I dont have to be on artificial hormones=) Also, you have a great amount of super answers!!

BEST OF LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first advice is get a second opinion! Pay the extra doctor visit cost, travel to another town... its worth the money! You wouldn't want to go through all this and find another solution later. Maybe the full removal isn't necessary... maybe there is still a slight chance... just be sure.

Also, I think it is probably better for the doctor to do most of the explaining at first. I would be too upset to have a "real" conversation with my daughter in that situation. So I'd start with the doctor and then continue the discussion between you two at home, etc.

My other thought is that you should definitely tell her about all the other ways to have children. If you live in a faith filled house, then make sure she understands that we all have a purpose in this life, and maybe her purpose is to love and raise children that don't have good parents for other reasons.

Good luck!

Good day to you

I was unfortantly in your daughters shoes i have had a history of cysts on my ovieries and had a fibroid tumor as well but with a certin medication they gave me the cysts went down now i think since her left was covered in cysts it may have to be taken out but the right one should be still ok with the proper medication the cysts will go down. and just remember that it only takes one i have been in your daughteres shoes but i want to let you know that i am a mother of a beautiful baby boy and soon to be baby girl so yes pregnancy is possible and they were both unplanned and i didnt even need medical fertlization so it can happen i would tell her that you will have a very hard time of conceving but at the same time tell her it is still possible good luck and take care i hope sharing my story with you helped you out a little

First, GET A SECOND OPINION! A doctor was ready to do a hysterectomy on my sister for the same type of thing and she ended up having a myomectomy instead (http://www.myomectomy.net/). She now has two beautiful children.

Unfortunately, this still may not be the case with your daughter. If she does end up having to have a hysterectomy at an early age, remind her that there are all different types of ways to have a family (adoption, surrogacy, etc.).

I'll be praying for you.

I am sorry to hear about your situation! I know that it is almost every young girls dream, and my heart goes out to you guys!

I would explain to her what the doctor has called to tell you. Let her know that her chances are slim but there are many other different ways of having a life with children.

My husband and I have been looking to adopt in the next two years and I we cant wait!

Although we have had two children and going on the third, their are so many children that need loving families. And she can be one of those families! Also, she is only 16, by the time she is sone with law school and finds the right man who knows what type of things will be around then.

Stay positive, good luck to you and your family!

Get a second opinion first before any decisions are made by your daughter,your daughter must be told as it is her body and her life. She must know all options avaialable. Take her back to talk with the first doctor about what was found and let him/her explain her options. As a young woman your daughter will need to consent to any surgery in any case and must be involved in her own medical care. Let the docotr break the news to her with you present if your daughter consents to you being with her. With your help/support of course in the end the final decison is your daughters to make as to any treatment, egg harvesting etc.

It's best to be honest with her and also talk about the other options ;ike adoption, foster care, surrogacy, etc. If she really wants children and she has viable eggs now, you may want to see about freezing them for when she is an adult. There are options out there for people who can't naturally have a child. Help her see that this isn't the end of her journey, just a bump in the road.

You need to get her to see a different gyn.

He is WRONG. Many women with PCOS can have babies. Some of them need fertility treatments though.

Women with fibroids can also have babies.

There are newer options for dealing with fibroids.

Please tell her the truth. But get her the WHOLE truth. Get her to another gyn who isn't stuck in the middle ages.