Why can't she just accept it, and move on?

He does not have to be involved with her except to discuss the children. If he is very firm and sticks to that subject, she will have to accept it.

As the new parental figure I think all the other parental figures have a right to know you and have at the very least a talking relationship where at the very least you can discuss details about the children.

When you married a man with children, you married the ex wife too. Deal with and get over it or move on.

I personally would go about getting full custody if the new parental figure in the family refused to let me get to know them.

I am sorry, but if you are with the father of my child, at some point you will be spending time with my child. At some point, you will be in a position where you will have to discipline or other wise parent them. I want to know how you are going to handle those situations.

ALL the parental figures should be communicating with each other about the rules and parenting at the very least.

Again, sorry, but when you marry a man with children you marry the mother of the children as well.

Why don' you talk to her? What is the poblem between you two that you can not even try and befriend this woman, I would be happy as hell if I was a second wife and the first was friendly and WANTED me around, especially with those kids being in the picture.

Just go for a coffee with her and talk about your feelings, you are a grown up right.

And I don't think your husband is having too much contact with his ex, he has kids with her he should have continous contact with her and hopefully be on good terms with her. Divorce do not have to be messy, it can be good and those that are successfull in a happy divorce have much more well adjusted children than those who drag everything through courts and battle about kids and bicker at eachother.

Just go for a coffee and get her off your back yourself :)

I would want a fair amount of information about the person who was taking care of my kids, and I wuold want a relationship cordial enough so that I'd be able to communicate concerns back and forth about the kids. Obviously it's neither necessary nor likely that you'll be friends, but it would be good if you can easily communicate things like what kind of sandwich junior suddenly craves. While I expect that's probably a difficult thing to achieve, I'm not sure it's so very unreasonable.

If you want to take the very high road, I'd tell her I understand she wants to know about me because of the kids, ask her what she wants to know, and answer honestly. Then I'd treat her cordially but not as a friend.

Hell, my ex's second wife won't leave me alone - she's decided that she needs to be my 'best friend' and 'get to know more about my family' now (10 years after they got married).

Her excuse is that she realized how short life is when my sister died of breast cancer, and that she didn't know much about me or my family.

I'm of the opinion that had she really been interested in my family, she could have asked 10 years ago when she married my daughter's father. I see no reason to try to be 'best friends' at this point in time, and no one in my family wants anything to do with her.

She loves to send lists for my daughter's birthday/christmas wishes, and if someone in my family doesn't buy off the list she's sent, I get a ration of grief about it. I get grief from my family because they get a list from her telling them what they can and can't buy for my daughter.

I've basically told her that I've informed them of the list, but if they choose to buy something else, there's nothing I can do. I've informed them that if they don't want to buy from the list, then don't.

She can't accept it for whatever psychological reason that is driving her behaviour. Maybe part of it is so she has a better sense of who the "2nd mom" is for her kids--surely you can appreciate that. Maybe it's something else, like general insecurity. Unless you start talking with her, you have no chance of knowing.

As for your solution: accept it. Accept that she's like that, keep telling her no. It's not your job to change her, anymore than it's her job to change you so that you'll be how she wants you to be. You can also talk to your lawyer if she starts going beyond the legal custody agreement in her restrictions.

Yes, I have had the same thing happen to me. She is more than likely trying to figure out what you have that she did not. You can try to have more contact with her without divulging any more personal info, just keep it about the kids. If it gets to be too much, tell her point blank but still tactfully.

you know, to be honest. mabey she just wants to know whos going to be around her children. doesnt that make sense? you're helping to parent her children. i'd want to have a working relationship with you too.you cant expect a situation like divorce, and kids with other ladies to work out exactly how you want. thats not realistic. sorry.

She wants to feel like part of the family still. Ex-wives can be a lil sycho...Sounds to me like he (your husband) has too much contact with her anyways in my honest opinion.

Maybe it's time for YOU to talk to her. Hearing it from the "horse's mouth" may make things sink in more.