Hockey Section: Have any jokes to share?

q1: Did you hear about the Newfies who went looking for work?

answer: They saw a sign saying Ontario Left, made a U-turn and went home.

q2: What was Michael Jackson doing at Walmart?

answer: He heard boys pants were half off.

q3: How do you know if an Irishman is straight or homosexual?

answer: Ask if he speaks Gaelic.

q4: Heard of the new Jewish-Japanese restaurant?

answer: Sosueme

q5: What did one mouse say to the other mouse as it reached into the bag of chips?

answer: Nacho Cheese!

q6: Have you heard of the new line of Jewish-made car tires?

answer: Firestein, they not only stop on a dime, they bend over and pick it up!

q7: What is endless love?

answer: Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

q8: What are some of the more common penalties in gay hockey leagues?

answer: Butt-ending, High-sticking, Holding the stick

q9: What's the difference between Eric Lindros's mum and a pitbull?

answer: Lipstick.

q10: What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water?

answer: It's gonna take me awhile to get hard, I just got laid

q11: How do you order a Russian screwdriver?

answer: Hold the orange juice!

q12: What is the Los Angeles Police Department's new motto?

answer: We treat you like a "King".

q13: Did you hear Ben Hur had a sex change?

answer: Now he's Ben Gay.

** if you like any of these please indicate which one(s). ditto if there are any you did NOT like **

One of the funniest was this man who was about 60, he looked like a homeless person but actually had a place to live. He obviously had some mental issues (but I'm not making fun of that). He walked all around and looked perfectly happy. I saw him in a Friendly's ice cream parlor one day sitting at the counter. He was eating an ice cream cone, had it all over his face, moustache, beard, and it just looked so cute because he didn't care, he was just lovin' it!

Why do Scots wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Where do they get virgin wool? From sheep the shepherds never caught.

oh they're soooo dumb in that sense. They'll forgive Bertuzzi for his cheapshot to Moore & Pronger for all his cheapshots,but they won't forgive PK.

I don't care what PK did. Hockey is a business.

The Leafs win the Cup

There all stupid but they are still funny in a corny way

Q.What do you call a dog with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?

A.Bob

Q.What do you call a dog with no arms and legs in a hole?

A. Phil

Q.Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A.Because he was dead

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to hold the bulb; the second to drink until the room spins.

How did the blond break her leg playing hockey for the Toranto Maple Leafs?

She fell out of the tree. (Not real brilliant I know)

so a guy is looking in the newspaper personal adds to meet a woman. he spots a message saying "35 year old woman seeking personal friend to spend life with, i enjoy camping, hiking, and spending time on my boat." the man gets real excited............ he knows this is the one. he sends her an email immediatly saying "hi, my name is bob and i'd love to get to know you better. please send me a letter back with pictures of your boat"

Haha, I don't know any G rated jokes, sorry. The ones I know will get me a violation notice in record time.

The Montreal Canadiens